Hold you in my heart

Thursday 15th October

Reading through the many cards that were sent to us when you went to heaven, the words here uplift the spirits, despite the trials and tribulations we faced bringing you up.

“We have watched you over the last thirty years to be the most amazing, caring, loving parents to Frank.
We will never understand the difficult times you have been through and the struggles you have faced, but we have seen you support Frank through them all.
You truly have been amazing parents.”

Having Asperger Syndrome, Pierre Robin Syndrome and moderate learning difficulties, your behaviour was at times, incredibly challenging.
That is what made the love within our family so intense. You were extremely hard work, and massive amounts of patience and tolerance were needed. Not just from us, but from your brother, too.

A short anecdote…….
The family who wrote those words in the card have two daughters, the same ages as you and your brother. I used to give extra mathematics tuition after school to the elder girl. This must have been when you were aged about thirteen or so.
Anyway, one afternoon, she and I were sitting at our kitchen table, working through some algebra problems, when you came in and asked to have a particular video to watch on the television. I asked you to wait until I had finished my hour’s session, then I would find it for you.
I’m afraid you didn’t have the patience to wait.
You filled up a glass of water from the tap, poured it over my head, and left the room.
I have never felt so embarrassed and speechless; I didn’t know where to look. I think I just mopped up the water on the table, and carried on as if nothing had happened.
Looking back it seems quite amusing now, but oh my goodness, you could be a little monkey at times. Anything to shock and outrage to gain attention, that was you all over.

And so we had to become strong parents to try and guide you to make sensible choices, to tone down your behaviour in social situations, to give you knowledge of the wider world, but still to have that sprinkling of mischievousness about you, that made you so unique, endearing and loving.

For thirty years, the circumstances and obstacles we faced, with the intense and profound love we have for you, has made your loss that much more tortuous and harrowing; so, so difficult to handle and accept.
You were our child who never properly grew up, part of us for three decades. You needed us, and we needed you.

We’ll love you forever.
And I’ll hold you in my heart,
Til I can hold you in my arms.
Sleep tight my Angel.
xxxx