Mar6

Last photographs

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Sunday 6th March

On this date, last year, (it was a Friday), you had your penultimate infusion of chemotherapy. It was a day case appointment, finishing late afternoon.
You were so close to completing the treatment.

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Sitting patiently, in the big purple chair, for your penultimate chemotherapy treatment. 6th March 2015

On the way home, it was your choice to stop at a fish and chip restaurant for dinner.
And, you ordered sweet and sour chicken! Now there’s a choice.
You did eat most of it.
For dessert you had a jelly and ice cream sundae. It looked good, but if I remember, you couldn’t finish all of it.

You didn’t look unwell, ill or like someone deteriorating. You weren’t struggling. Yes, you were tired; the chemotherapy treatment made you want to sleep for most of the day.

The last photographs of you: such a happy, contented face.

Who knew you only had barely a week?
And our lives would change forever.

I wish I could turn back time.
I wish things had been different.
I wish I could have done something.
I wish I could have saved you.

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Your jelly and ice cream dessert

I am missing you so much.
I remember what was.
I think of what could have been.
I know how close you were to finishing the aggressive treatment regime.
I think of everything you went through, and am so sad that you’re not here now.
You didn’t deserve this.

I’ll love you forever, my dearest, darling Angel son.

xxxxxxx

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48 responses »

  3. Beautiful photos of your son. He looks happy and at peace even through his terrible struggle. What a strong person!
    I’m so sorry for your horrific pain and the pain your son had to endure, it’s heartbreaking to read. It’s a blessing that his last photos are happy ones. You have some beautiful memories to always cherish even in the midst of your agonizing grief. Much love to you, always. ❤ ❤

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  4. yes, how significant those photographs have become! i look through pictures from 12/29/12 of my son, he died sometime after he went to bed on 12/30 (though his date of death is 12/31 because it was nearly midnight when he went to bed & that is when we found him)

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    • I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son.
      Yes, such poignant memories, and I’m so glad I did take so many photographs.
      A peaceful, pain-free way to go, but just so awful for those left behind.
      x

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  5. I think to say that you are a wonderful soul, and the memories of your son you are sharing with the people are really an act of eternal Love.
    Thank you my friend.
    A hug by Rinaldo.

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  18. When I visited the Netherlands last year, I went to an exhibit featuring the last photos of people taken right before they passed away. In some cases, the death of the photographed individual was expected; in other instances, their passing was a shock. That exhibit was so powerful and echoes what you’re saying, that any image of a loved one could be the last of them alive. And those images carry so much.

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    • How very true.
      I’m just so glad that the last photographs we have of Frank are not distressing ones, but show him quite contented, enjoying a large ice cream and jelly dessert. For that I am really grateful.
      x

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  22. My heart aches for you when I read the precious memories of your son, MeRaw– and with the tears they prompt me to pray, the only response that can actually make a difference for anyone. I pray when the memories cause you to sorrow with the loss in the now The Holy Spirit rises up and wraps you in His warmth, peace and comfort and you are reminded that your son this very day rests in the arms of your Savior- completely free of all pain and sickness; in Jesus’ name.

    2Corinthians 5:6-8: To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Rev.21:3-5…and then I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “See! The tabernacle of God is among men, and He will live among them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them [as their God] and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be death; there will no longer be sorrow and anguish, or crying, or pain; for the former order of things has passed away.” And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”

    May that reality bring you His Peace until you are reunited with your son. Bless you MeRaw. God bless you. ❤

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    • Thank you so very much for your lovely caring, supportive and understanding message.
      It really means such a lot to me, and is very much appreciated.
      Thank you for your kindness.
      Melanie x

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