Fundraising again


Tuesday 27th September

This was our second day spent raising awareness and collecting monies in our local supermarket, for our four charities.

We began at 9:00am and finally packed up at 5:00pm; a long day, with a couple of breaks, but well worth it. Other volunteers helped out too, allowing us time to shop, go home for some lunch, and of course, time to visit you.

We spoke to a number of your schoolmates and teachers. One remembered you in primary school, and commented on your love of He-Man and She-Ra books. She said you would get a group of children in turn, to play the part of He-Man’s Battle Cat, and you would ride on their backs, pretending to be the Master of the Universe, shouting “I have the power!”

A teacher’s aide recalled you in school, always walking around with a bundle of books under your arm and a little grin on your face.

Dad made the comment that for most of the time we get on with our lives, dealing with our grief and thoughts about you, mostly in private. 

On days like today, when we are raising awareness of testicular cancer and collecting monies for the charity in honour of you, then our grief is suddenly made tremendously public. 

The box is opened up wide for all to peer in and poke about inside.

Most of the time I can cope; able to talk about you, your treatment and ultimately what happened at the end.

But sometimes I falter, and the mask crumbles, and I no longer seem to be able to show the strength necessary to hold back tears.

We do miss you so much sweetie.

Love you forever.

Darling Angel son.


Collecting moments


Monday 26th September

Looking back on memories past

Brings a smile that’s made to last.

Thoughts of you do comfort fast

With a love that’s unsurpassed.


Those memories take me back to you

Like dreams filling adventures new.

I know my wishes won’t come true

But collecting moments is what I do.


Love you forever.

Missing you always.

Sweetheart Angel son.


Oi lads!


Sunday 25th September

We spent the day in our local supermarket, raising awareness, selling raffle tickets and collecting spare change.

We have joined up with three local families who have also lost family members to illnesses. The charities we are fundraising for are: Checkemlads Testicular Cancer, Meningitis Now, Bowel Cancer and the Brain Tumour Charity.
Although it was a fairly quiet Sunday, we did collect a good amount of money, and spoke to many people. One chap, who was holidaying in the area, didn’t want to buy a raffle ticket, but did purchase a wristband; he made the comment that Testicular Cancer is not spoken about enough. 

We are also planning a musical tribute event in October, with local musicians, singers, dancers and DJ’s, with food provided by some of the town’s best restaurants. It should be a great occasion.

And all of this we are doing, because of you, my dearest darling. Trying to raise awareness, so young men can talk more openly about their health, seek advice and support early, and not be embarrassed to admit they might have a problem with their testicles.

“Oi lads! Checking testicles is cool”

I love you so much sweetie, and miss you every day. Wishing things had been different for you.



“Oi lads! Checking testicles is cool”



Saturday 24th September

Somewhere within the dark, depths of nightmares

In the miserable fog of hopelessness

I’m searching for rainbows and smiles

To ease my desperate loneliness.


Trying to catch an elusive moonbeam 

Looking for a switch to turn the colour back on

Chasing memories, holding onto dreams

I’m finding it hard to accept you’ve gone.


Missing you every day

Love you forever

My precious Angel son.


There’s a space today


Friday 23rd September

There’s a space today

Where you should be

Standing just there

Right next to me.


A day trip to Bath

Recalling days past

A tear in my eye

But memories last.


Love you Angel.

Dearest darling son.


Bath, October 2008

There’s a space today, where you should be

The River Avon, looking up to the Pulteney Bridge

Bath Abbey

September sunshine in the park ~ Parade Gardens

I will always


Thursday 22nd September

I will always miss what would have been

I will always treasure what was

I will keep those memories evergreen

I will always love you, just because.


We drove your brother to Bristol airport early this morning to catch a flight to Lisbon, then on to Spain, to be with his girlfriend.

He has spent the summer with us, working and saving money, and now it’s time to start his job, teaching young students English.

The house will be quiet.

And it’s Thursday again.

Eighty weeks.

I love you forever my darling Angel son.


You, on the pier at Sunset Beach, NC. August 2010

Each and every day


Tuesday 20th September


Admitting your weaknesses

Showing your strengths……

Head bowed in sadness

Eyes looking skywards……

Such great heartache

With love everlasting…..

So many memories

To remember with a smile…..

Holding tightly onto the love

Not despairing over the loss…..

Good times and bad

Now, no more times…..

Trying so very hard

To live a new normal…..

You are gone

But your soul lives on…..

My Angel in heaven

Who once walked this earth…..

Dearest, darling son

Missed each and every day…..


Watching the rain


Monday 19th September

I’m watching the rain

It’s calling your name.

I listen to the sea

Bringing you back to me.

I can see the clouds

Your face in the crowds.

Swaying branches on trees

Your hands I can seize.

I shelter from the gale

Our lives; a fairy tale.

Avoiding the shadows

To dance in the meadows.

Warmth of the sun’s rays

Remembering holidays.

Gazing at the night sky

You’re my Angel on high.

I’m beneath the moonlight 

Looking up at you tonight.



High tide, early evening

High tide in the harbour tonight

In my dreams


Sunday 18th September

I see you everyday

I hug you every night

I hear your voice daily

Your star is shining bright.


I know your heart’s beating

I’ll hold your hand tonight

I sense your presence near me

I know you’ll sleep tight.


In my dreams

In my dreams tonight


Daydreams will reunite.


Love you sweetheart

Precious Angel son.