Saturday 30th April

When I came across this poem, by Mrs. Lyman Hancock it really made me think of you.
I sighed.
I smiled.
A tear fell.
Remembering.
All your cheeky naughtiness.
Your thoughtful caring and love.

When I’m Gone

by Mrs. Lyman Hancock 

“When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smile.

Forget unkind words I have spoken
Remember some good I have done
Forget that I ever had heartache
And remember I’ve had loads of fun.

Forget that I’ve stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way
Remember I have fought some hard battles
And won, ere the close of the day.

Then forget to grieve for my going
I would not have you sad for a day
But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay.

And come in the shade of evening
When the sun paints the sky in the west
Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best.”

I’ll try to remember every single thing about you, for as long as I can.
I love you more each day.
I miss you so very much.
Sweetheart Angel son.

xxxxxxx

Sailing boats in the bay. Sunbathers on the pier

The harbour at low tide

Your flowers today

Cherry blossom close to you

Friday 29th April

Sometimes I really miss the things you did that made me smile.

I miss your impersonation of Beyoncé and wiggling to “Single Ladies”. You’d come into the room, ear plugs in, only wearing underwear, (you didn’t like the feel of clothing on your skin), holding your tablet, tuned into YouTube, and you’d be shaking your booty.
I wish I could see that now.

I miss going to bed at night, and unexpectedly finding two or three books shoved down the bedclothes, just in case I wanted a read in the middle of the night ~ it could have been Thomas the Tank, Star Trek or the Bible, depending on your mood.
I wish I could get into bed tonight and feel those books beneath the sheets.

I miss the little gifts you used to buy me from car boot sales: shiny jewellery, school books, dresses too big, shoes too small.
I wish you’d find something for me now.

I miss your voice saying “Good morning” or “Good night” or “What are we doing today?” You liked your routine, and needed the days mapped out for you.
I miss your laugh and giggles when something amused you.
I wish I could hear your voice now.

I miss your uncanny knack of being able to judge the passing of time, without being able to tell the time. When we’d go out, we would tell you to be in a certain place, (usually somewhere for food or a drink), and there you’d be, in exactly an hour, or two hours time. You’d wander off window shopping, or walking around a theme park, and without fail, you’d appear, bang on time.
I wish you’d turn up now.

I miss your amusing take on foreign languages, pretending you could speak fluently. You’d be the shouting Jamaican granny, waving her handbag around, (copying a strange lady we had come across in Tobago). Or you’d be the Scotsman commenting on the weather, full of “Och aye the noo”. Another day you’d be a little old Chinese lady, chasing her children around, or a Japanese samurai, practising martial arts, on us. Then you’d be a German, and every answer would be “Nein” or we would be “Schweinhund”, and you’d laugh at the literal translation of ‘pig dog’.
I wish I could hear your silly voices now.

I miss when you used to dress up and act like a drama queen. Sometimes you would put my clothes on, or try out my high heels. You looked ridiculous, but you really made us laugh. At school, you loved drama, and were in quite a few plays, dressing up as a genie, or as a master of ceremonies. Such fun you had.
I wish you’d come clip clopping into the lounge right now, wearing a pair of my shoes.

Your smiles, your laughs, your giggles, your cheekiness…….

I miss everything about you.
I wish you were here right now.
Love you so very much.
Darling Angel son.

xxxxxxx

You at Primary School, dressed up as one of the three musketeers

You and a fabulous feather boa

As master of ceremonies at a drama presentation

Taking charge of proceedings

Messing about whilst out to dinner: "You must stop talking so much!"

The beach this afternoon

Love you forever darling boy

Thursday 28th April

No one knows what life will bring
So love and laugh, live life to the full.
Who knows what’s around the corner
Who knows if there’s a tomorrow?

Miss you so much.
Love you forever.
Beloved Angel son.

xxxxxxx

A cold and empty beach this afternoon

The silver birch, close to you, beginning to show spring leaves

Your flowers today

Clouds, blue sky, a plane and trees, all close to you, this morning

Tuesday 26th April

I love you, I miss you
That’s all I want to say.
You left this earth too soon
Thinking of you every day.

I love you, I miss you
Some days it hurts so much.
Remembering holding hands
The gentle feel of your touch.

I love you, I miss you
Helping you to cross the road.
Keeping you close always
As you walked with head bowed.

I love you, I miss you
My precious little sweetheart.
You meant so much to everyone
And I can’t help but fall apart.

I love you, I miss you
And that will never cease.
I know there is no more pain
And you are now at peace.

xxxxxxx

Monday 25th April

With Angel wings you now can fly
Up in the clouds is where you lie.

But in my heart is how you’ll stay
I know you’re there every single day.

Memories of you I now recall
Trying to smile and enjoying it all.

Sweet dreams my precious one
Filled with so much joy and fun.

Look down on us, when you can
Because we miss you, little man.

Love you always my beloved son
Thirty years, and forever young.

xxxxxxx

Sunday 24th April

Somewhere, there’s this place
Where I can see, hear and touch you.
A place where I watch you smile
And where I can feel your cuddles.

This place is unseen by others
But we know it’s there, don’t we?
In my dreams, my soul, my heart
All around me, it’s where you are.

This very special, forever place
Where you and I exist together.
For as long as I move and breathe
You are there with me, for all time.

I love you so very much.
I miss you each and every day.
A piece of you is in my heart
And there you will forever stay.

xxxxxxx

Your flowers

The harbour today

Your flowers

Tonight's sky

Deepening colours

Somewhere, you're out there

Saturday 23rd April

Blue skies
An Angel flies.
Sun rise
Some stifled cries.
Big sighs
Tears fall from eyes.

Love you forever and always.
Missing you every single day.
Beloved Angel son.

xxxxxxx

Blue skies in the harbour this afternoon

Low tide

Pink tulips from your auntie

Love you sweetheart

Some photos from our trip to Portugal and Spain.

Friday 22nd April

After a long, long day, we’re safely home. Having awoken at 5:30am, showered, breakfasted, checked out, we walked to the airport terminal, only to realise some twenty minutes later that it was the wrong terminal. Ho hum.
So we find a bus that takes us to where we should be.
And join the queue to the baggage drop, and following that the queue to passport control, and then the queue to the departure gate, until finally we are safely boarded.
A short, smooth flight up the Bay of Biscay, across the North West corner of France, over the Channel Islands, and we’re back in Bristol in a little over two hours after leaving Lisbon.

Before we actually reach home, we drive in to see you.
This is the longest time we’ve been apart from you, and looking after your flowers at your resting place; but my sister, your auntie, has been to see you whilst we’ve been away.

Standing there, in the cool evening drizzle it seems as though nothing has changed, everything’s the same, you’re not here with us, your life ended too soon: we’ve been off on holiday, and you didn’t come with us.

Nothing’s changed.
Everything’s as it was.
Everything’s the same.

But everything has changed.
Nothing is as it was.
Our lives are not the same.

And tears fall.
This is not right.
Life is not fair.

I suppose the emotion of visiting your grave for the first time in fifteen days really affected us more than we thought it would.

We love you.
We miss you so much.
To the moon and back.
Sweet Angel son.

xxxxxxx