Thursday 31st December
New Year’s Eve.
A new year.
Not a happy new year.
Just a new one.
The first year,
Without you.
You’ll never
Get to see
2016.
So, it’s just
A new year.
New for us
But not for you.
Love you to the moon and back,
around the houses,
to the stars and planets beyond.
I love you so very much.
Missing you on New Year’s Eve.
xxxxxxxxx
New Year's Eve. Universal Studios. 2010
Wednesday 30th December
“right now,
I wish you
were here
with me”
I really wish you were still here with us.
I miss you so very much, it hurts.
Yes, we have memories, so many.
But, we don’t have you, the real thing.
There’ll be no more memories to make.
No more travels to plan together.
So, right now, I wish you were here.
Living, breathing, laughing, crying.
But, I’ll close my eyes and see you,
And I know you’re safe within my heart.
Love you sweetie.
Miss you loads.
Angel son.
xxxxxxx
30th December 2010 ~ five years ago we drove to Clearwater and St Pete's ~ such happy times.
Tuesday 29th December
“To us his name will ever be
The key that unlocks memory
Of a dear Son gone, but cherished yet
A beloved face, we’ll never forget.”
In December 2006 we joined my father on his yacht in Boot Key, Marathon. It was our first ever visit to the Florida Keys, and we fell in love with the place.
We flew into Miami, collected a hire car, and then began the short trip south to the start of the keys archipelago. The magic carpet ride of the Overseas Highway is splendid as the road through small islands suddenly turns into a bridge over channels separating the Atlantic Ocean from the Gulf of Mexico.
A stunningly beautiful fifty mile drive, drinking in the amazing views sees us stop just before our destination for a bite to eat at the Islamorada Fish Company: a superb outdoor restaurant with excellent food.
The sun is setting as we arrive at the marina, unload the car onto the tender, and motor out to the yacht. It is quiet and peaceful onboard, with only the sounds of the gentle waves lapping against the hull. Such a relaxing way to spend the holidays.
You enjoyed quiet beach walks, eating out at bars and restaurants overlooking the water, finding a friendly coffee shop that served terrific ice cream, trips to Key West, Bahia Honda State Park and the Dolphin Rescue Centre. Your favourite though, after swimming with the dolphins, was probably a day trip to Miami, to the Dolphin Mall. You loved walking around looking at all the stores, spending your Christmas money, and then meeting up in the food court for lunch.
After spending the afternoon at Sombrero Beach, we found a great place to eat called The Dockside Tropical Café. Burgers, fries, onion rings and salad went down well with ice cold beer for us, and sparkling lemonade for you. Then you went walkabout, and came back excitedly telling us you had found your dream car ~ a stretch limo had parked up outside……….
29th December 2006. Look at what I've found.....
My new ride ..........
You had such a big grin on your face.
Little things that made you happy, made me smile so much.
And hearing your name
Will always be
The key to unlock
More memories.
A key.
The Keys.
The beginning of many more trips to this special place.
For you.
For me.
For us.
I miss you so very much.
Love you to the moon and back.
Dearest Angel son.
xxx xxx
Monday 28th December
The UK Meteorological Office has, this year, decided to have ‘named’ storms.
Those weather disturbances, with the potential to cause substantial impact, have been given typically British names.
And yours is the sixth name: you are about to strike.
The news and weather reports are constantly saying your name, over, and over again.
You would have been so delighted and quietly gratified to find your name on the list.
“………… the potential to cause substantial impact ………..”
That was you all over.
You really did cause substantial impact in your short, but awesome life.
A powerhouse of complexity; leaving your mark on everyone you met.
Sometimes stormy, a whirlwind of emotions, a sunny outlook, changeable whims and wishes, and a big, warm heart.
I miss you so very much.
Love you forever.
xxx xxx
'Storm' Frank approaching
Sunday 27th December
“I dream that you are happy
I dream that you are free
I dream you are in heaven
waiting there for me”
My dream for you……..
Smiling.
No pain.
Happy.
No worries.
Laughing.
No troubles.
Carefree.
No anxiety.
Cheerful.
No sadness.
Joyful.
No heartache.
Relaxed.
No misery.
Delightful.
No grief.
Amusing.
No cancer.
Alive.
Here with me.
I love you.
I miss you.
xxx xxx
Big smile. Happy days. August 2007. Aquatica
Saturday 26th December
“There are many stars in the sky tonight.
But only one shines through my heart.
And that is you.”
You are my star,
Shining bright.
For all to see,
In the sky tonight.
Within my heart,
There is a space.
Just for you,
A protected place.
All the memories,
Are in my head.
Wish you were,
With us instead.
Love you.
Miss you.
My shining star.
xxxxxx
A beautiful soul xxxxx
Friday 25th December
Tomato soup is what you want,
No Christmas turkey for you.
You like to be different, oppositional.
Making a statement is what you do.
So, whilst all plates are piled high
With vegetables, meat and stuffing,
You sit down with a simple bowl,
Slurping it all, leaving nothing.
Your Christmas fare for many years,
Relied upon that tin of Heinz.
You just liked to be controversial.
It’s what you did so many times.
A cheeky grin upon your face,
A rude word, an infectious giggle.
Everyone couldn’t help but smile,
Out of mischief you would wriggle.
You made us laugh, made us cry.
We fought for you to have the best.
For thirty years we tried so hard,
Then it was time to lay you to rest.
Remembering you this Christmas Day.
With an empty chair, a tin of soup.
We raise our glasses, say your name.
Wishing you were with the family group.
Merry Christmas my darling.
Love you forevermore.
Missing you every day.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Remembering our Christmas Day, five years ago in Disney World……..
Frankie Angel bear with his tomato soup
Thursday 24th December
“Have a lovely……….ermmm
May your Christmas be as good as it can be.”
“Are you looking forward to Christmas?”
“It’ll be different this year for you.”
“Doing anything nice for Christmas?”
“Try and enjoy as best as you can.”
Bumping into people laden down with Christmas shopping, last minute gifts to buy, or just out for a Christmas Eve walk, we are greeted with ‘normal’ festive cheer……..
Until the realisation hits.
Whoops……
Shouldn’t have said that.
Oh, that wasn’t very tactful.
Whoa, reign in the jollity a bit.
Some get halfway through a sentence, and retract, others turn their large smile into a sympathetic frown, others go all serious, stating the blindingly obvious, and some just apologise profusely.
Sometimes, the best greetings though, are those without words: just a gentle hug, or a squeeze of the hand or arm.
That conveys so very much.
Today has been difficult.
Visiting the cemetery today, we both cried, standing beside you.
But you know what? There was a robin redbreast watching us intently for a good long while, as he hopped about close by.
Coming to the end of our walk around the town, we went into the church to light candles for you. And we both sobbed, again.
We miss you so very much, this your first Christmas in heaven.
But you are here, aren’t you?
All around I do feel your presence.
And I believe you are safe within my heart.
“If I listen closely
I can hear the rustle
Of Angel wings…..
And I know you’re still with us.”.
Love you forever.
To the moon and back,
Around the stars and planets,
And beyond.
Missing you on Christmas Eve.
xxxxxxx
Our Christmas ornament for you 2015
Christmas eve. Five years ago. Cocoa Beach. Happy smiles.
Wednesday 23rd December
By now you’d be so excited,
With presents piled under the tree.
Your eyes, wide with wonderment.
Gifts for you, and some for me.
You loved the magic of Christmas.
Whether at home with all the family,
Or off with us, to foreign shores.
Sadly, now it’s all just a memory.
23rd December 2010 ~ Celebration, Florida ~ where it 'snows' every night.
Memories, memories, memories.
I miss you.
I miss you so much.
I miss you so much my darling son.
Our first Christmas without you.
Memories, memories, memories.
Christmas.
Christmas won’t be the same.
Christmas won’t be the same without you.
Our first Christmas without you.
Miss you.
Love you.
xxxx
Tuesday 22nd December
It’s pouring with rain again
This weather seems unrelentless.
That you’re not here with us
Is just completely senseless.
We would’ve left this all behind.
We should have flown away.
All of us, together again,
To sunnier shores, on holiday.
By now we would be in Orlando,
Exploring all the theme parks.
Or down in the Florida Keys;
We’ve seen manatees and sharks.
Rollercoasters or beaches.
Warm sunshine, and family fun.
We’ve had so many good times
With you, our darling son.
You are always in my heart.
Missing you like crazy.
Love you so very much,
My son, my child, my baby.
xxxxxx
Florida Keys. December 2006
In front of Cinderella's castle. Disney. December 2010
Marathon. December 2008
The Journey of My Left Foot (whilst remembering my son) 