Macmillan nurse phone call #3

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Thursday 23rd May

Not really feeling it today; a bit down, depressed, and teary.

Didn’t particularly want to get out of bed. But, having pulled the mask of a cheery, smiling face across my own; time to get moving.

Sometime during the afternoon, the Macmillan nurse calls, informing me of her findings, having spoken to the team in Exeter. Apparently, as a consequence of having the surgery for a wider excision, plus the skin graft, that now prevents me from having the lymph node biopsy. She was very negative, and seemed to be telling me off for having gone ahead with the removal of further skin and tissue, around the site of a large malignant melanoma. I’m sorry, but the sooner this was carried out, with such expediency, by an experienced professional, who had my best interests in mind, then I’m all for it. Telling the nurse that my consultant had indicated I could always have a delayed lymph node biopsy made no difference. All she seemed to want to inform me was that I had scuppered my chances of this type of treatment. Having had the open wound for 15 days, I was incredibly pleased the alien blob, and its surrounds, had been well and truly banished.

Following that phone call I felt extremely confused, upset, and anxious.

Professional? Sensitive? Caring? Thoughtful?

She also informed me I would be receiving an appointment for a CT scan soon, and perhaps the possibility of taking part in clinical trials, involving specialist ultrasound, at the Royal Marsden in London. But by then, I’m afraid I had switched off somewhat.

I just want to be rid of whatever is preventing me from living my life normally.

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