Friday 10th January
Well, that was the most un-positive day I’ve had for a long, long time.
I’m normally very upbeat and try not to let things get me down. Even if I’m feeling low, I try my hardest to put on a ‘happy mask’.
Today though it all seems very hopeless and a slide down towards despair and inevitability. Nothing is going to make this right, or better, or normal.
I rarely use the words don’t, can’t, won’t as far as my actions are concerned. But I don’t like this. I feel I can’t do this anymore. I won’t ever get back to being how I was.
My appointment with the lymphoedema nurse lasted an hour and a half. Many measurements were taken of both of my legs. Every four centimetres the circumference was measured and noted down. And yes, there were fairly large differences between the two. It turns out my left leg is carrying 800 mls more fluid than my right. Almost a kilogram in weight! No wonder the skin feels tight and stretched, no wonder my knee and thigh feel heavy and numb, no wonder I have trouble walking properly.
And what is the solution? A support stocking. There you have it. I will have to wear a tight garment on my left leg for the foreseeable future. This thought really does depress me, and the happy mask that I wear everyday, seems to slip away.
I leave the hospital feeling very low and despondent. I didn’t sign up for this!