Monday 22nd December

Today I feel particularly rubbish, and that is most unusual for me. I am sad, a bit tearful, and find it difficult to hold things together.

I am having my own Pity Party. No one is welcome.

We should have been flying to Miami today, to spend two weeks in the Florida Keys, having a fun Christmas and New Year.

We booked the holiday as a sort of celebration, as I had come to the end of twelve months on a clinical drugs trial. Malignant melanoma. The break was to be my little treat.

What we hadn’t foreseen was the dreadful whirlwind of events now overtaking our lives. Within a month, our family life has been completely turned upside down. Testicular cancer. Orchidectomy. Brain tumour. Lung tumours. Chemotherapy. A new vocabulary of symptoms being applied to my elder son. He already has Aspergers, Pierre Robin Syndrome, learning difficulties. Why on earth has all this crap been thrown at him? As if his lot in life is not hard enough already.

Yes, it’s my Private Pity Party. No one is welcome.