A day spent in bed

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Tuesday 19th November

One week ago today I had a left groin dissection to remove all the lymph nodes and surrounding tissue as a preventative measure to stop the spread of melanoma.

So, today has been a ‘duvet’ day; warm and snuggly under the covers, whilst the wind and rain beat against the windows. I feel much more comfortable in a reclining position anyway ~ well that’s my excuse, and I’m sticking to it!

I have been thinking, and reading a lot about the trial I have been offered. I have so many questions/outcomes/what-ifs/then-what’s going through my head at the moment, as far as it is concerned.

I thought at first, when the Macmillan nurse told me about it, ‘Yes, I’ll do it’.

Then I started to read about the side effects, travelling for hospital visits, scans, and the fact that I might not even be taking the drugs, so I was like ‘No chance’.

Having read the comments from other people who are also on the trial (via the Facebook group), I now feel I may be swinging back to ‘Maybe I should give it a go’.

I really was rather worried about all the side effects, but it would make sense, that those listed apply to Stage 4 patients, as they haven’t tested ‘fitter’ Stage 3 ones yet!

I am beginning to feel more positive about putting myself forward for the trial now, even if you just get the increased monitoring, without the drugs, that must be a bonus.

I think I need to speak with my family doctor, Macmillan nurses and an oncologist as soon as I am able. But the more I think about it and read the information, I am tending towards saying ‘yes’ to the trial.

The Macmillan nurse did say not to make a decision straightaway, as I am still recovering from surgery, am perhaps a little emotional, wait until I have the results from the groin dissection, and talk to as many informed people as possible. She said ultimately the decision must be mine, I must be selfish, and to think purely about myself, my life and family, to do what is best for me.

Still doesn’t make it any easier!!

So, I go to sleep tonight knowing that I have support from so many people, and they will help me in the decision I must make.

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