Category Archives: Asperger Syndrome

End of Year Four

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Tuesday 7th November

   

A drive up to Exeter early this morning, (in the lashing rain, with appointments at two hospitals, for my end of Year Four check ups), had me feeling rather anxious ~ scanxiety setting in……

I was diagnosed with metastatic malignant melanoma in 2013, and am on the Combi-Ad clinical drugs trial. It is an adjuvant therapy, combining two drugs to  (hopefully) stop the further spread of cancer.

First stop dermatology, for a full body skin check, (my unexpected excision a month ago came back as a benign melanocytic naevus). Both the trainee and consultant dermatologist agreed there was nothing unusual or suspicious to be seen. All is fine.

Second stop is to see my cancer trials nurse who takes vials of blood, and checks my blood pressure (a little too high, I think), temperature (ok), weight (too high, I think), and pulse (ok). I then fill out a “Quality of Life” survey. All is (mostly) fine.

Off down the corridor to medical imaging for a CT scan. Ouchy ouch, the radioactive contrast fluid was painful as it entered my vein. Hmmmmm, not too impressed ~ it has never hurt like it did today. Oh well. All is (now) fine.

Final stop is to see my oncologist, for another full body check. He has had a quick look at the scan, and can see nothing alarming, although he says I must wait for the full report from the radiologist. So all is fine. 

Another set of appointments are made for six months hence.

So there we are.

I just wish your treatment had proved successful. I wish that everyday. I am so sorry you had to suffer. I’m so sorry you didn’t make it. I’m so sorry.

My darling Angel son.

Thinking of you.

Love you forever.

xxxxxx


A gentle pain

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Monday 6th November

    

A gentle pain

Cacophonous quietness

An abnormal normality

Overcrowded loneliness

A screaming calm

Smiling sadness

A heartbreaking love

Abundant emptiness

   

I miss you more each and everyday

I love you more than words can say

My Angel

My son

xxxxxx


Low tide, looking towards Hayle Towans


Looking back towards the harbour

So there you are

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Sunday 5th November

    

So there you are in heaven above

You left surrounded by so much love

So here you are a vivid rainbow

A pot of gold with the brightest glow

So there you are a joyful sunbeam

Closing your eyes to silently dream

So here you are the brightest star

You’re very close and yet so far

  

My darling Angel

My precious son

Love you so much

Forever young

xxxxxx



Breezy and bright


Harbour panorama

That’s where I’ll​ find you

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Saturday 4th November

     

Silently treading

Through the depths

Of my unconsciousness

   

Weightlessly floating

In the blue swell

Of countless oceans

  

Lost on the winds

Blowing imperceptibly 

Across grassy meadows

  

Gently encompassed

Within a silken cocoon

Of mellifluous dreams

  

That’s where I’ll​ find you

My sweet Angel

My darling boy

  

xxxxxx

Beautiful rainbow across Porthmeor Beach


A wintry looking sea


Blustery winds, scudding clouds and a little bright sunshine


Young swans in the harbour

 

They had probably flown across the bay from the estuary at Hayle


A ‘Jumbo’ sailing in the late afternoon sun


A replica, nineteenth century, fishing lugger

Still 

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Friday 3rd November

    

I still have so much love to give

You still had so much life to live

  

Now all that’s left is so much grief

Your time on earth much too brief

  

So many teardrops still to fall

So many times to you I call

  

Perpetual silence, neverending

Mask on my face, just pretending

  

I’ve lost something so dear to me

My Angel son, now flying free

   

xxxxxx

Pretty heart-shaped leaf

High tide creeping up the slipway

Waking up in heaven

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Wednesday 1st November

   

I miss you so much

Since you began

Waking up in heaven

My precious little man

    

And the hurt I feel

Will never end

Because you’re in heaven

So my love I send

  

Blowing kisses to you

As I look to the sky

My Angel in heaven

Fly high, fly high……..

    

Love you forever

Beloved son

xxxxxx



Pretty skies and few waves on Porthmeor


High tide


November sunshine

Fun-loving

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Tuesday 31st October

    

Singing with the angels

Playing catch with stars

Pillow fights with clouds

And flying around Mars

   

Sprinkling golden sunbeams

Jumping over shadows

Gliding in the wind

And sliding down rainbows

  

Missing you

My fun-loving Angel

Cherished son

xxxxxx


Panorama of West Porthmeor Beach


Seagull surveying his territory

Porthmeor Beach and the Island


So still in the harbour

Boats in the bay

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Monday 30th October

   

I seem to be missing you a lot today

Thinking of you each step of the way

Wishing that you’d been able to stay

I look out at all the boats in the bay

The warm sun chases away the grey

But in the end, and come what may

I’ll never, ever forget to say

In my heart is where you’ll stay

  

My dearest darling Angel son

xxxxxx


Gentle waves on Porthmeor Beach


High tide in the harbour


Cloudier towards Hayle

Wrapped

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Sunday 29th October

    

Wrapped in soft and silky Angel wings

Protected​ from harm and other bad things

My sweet Angel son lives there on high

I sigh and smile as I look to the sky

I have to believe that’s where you are

By day in the clouds, at night a star

Fluffy and white, or twinkling so bright

There in my heart, even if out of sight

  

Love you poppet

So very much

xxxxxx

Grey and cloudy, but still a few in the sea


Last day of the half-term​ holidays, and final day for lifeguard cover on the beach

One last paddle…..