Saturday 23rd May

So here we are, the first day of raising awareness of testicular cancer, and money for the charity Checkemlads, in memory of you. We didn’t really want to get up and get going this morning, as the whole reason for this fundraiser is your passing.

The hurt is still so raw, you are in our thoughts constantly, so many reminders all around that make us catch our breath, or shed a tear.

Many people gave their condolences and spoke of you, saying they missed seeing you walking around the town or beaches.

We had a big life-size photo of you placed on a pillar, and it was as if you were watching over the proceedings. I do wonder what you might have been thinking. I hope we have done you proud.

We escaped for a couple of hours when my sister took over the selling of the raffle tickets. We left the noisy, crowded supermarket and came to see you. The cemetery was peaceful, with the sun trying to break through the mist. We talked to you, and cried for you, and told of our love for you.

Our emotions seem to rollercoaster up and down of their own accord. In one situation we put on brave faces, speak of you and our adventures together fairly easily. But when we are alone we fall to pieces. The world just seems to come to a halt, and we don’t know where we are going. We cannot see the way forward. Without you.

We remain with you for quite some time, return home to freshen up, then drive back to the supermarket to continue selling tickets and talking about you.

At the end of day one, we have raised a considerable amount of money. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll do the same all over again.

Your legacy is going to be amazing, but I still wish you were here.

I miss you.
I want a cuddle, a hug, a smile, an ‘I love you’.

xxxxx