Wednesday 8th November
I talk to you
I talk with you
I talk about you
I did
I do
I will
Then, as now
Nothing changes
Not ever
Although you’ve gone
Your memory lives on
My Angel son
xxxxxx
Driving home from Exeter
Cookworthy Knapp ~ on the approach to Cornwall ~ a copse of 140 beech trees
Tuesday 7th November
A drive up to Exeter early this morning, (in the lashing rain, with appointments at two hospitals, for my end of Year Four check ups), had me feeling rather anxious ~ scanxiety setting in……
I was diagnosed with metastatic malignant melanoma in 2013, and am on the Combi-Ad clinical drugs trial. It is an adjuvant therapy, combining two drugs to (hopefully) stop the further spread of cancer.
First stop dermatology, for a full body skin check, (my unexpected excision a month ago came back as a benign melanocytic naevus). Both the trainee and consultant dermatologist agreed there was nothing unusual or suspicious to be seen. All is fine.
Second stop is to see my cancer trials nurse who takes vials of blood, and checks my blood pressure (a little too high, I think), temperature (ok), weight (too high, I think), and pulse (ok). I then fill out a “Quality of Life” survey. All is (mostly) fine.
Off down the corridor to medical imaging for a CT scan. Ouchy ouch, the radioactive contrast fluid was painful as it entered my vein. Hmmmmm, not too impressed ~ it has never hurt like it did today. Oh well. All is (now) fine.
Final stop is to see my oncologist, for another full body check. He has had a quick look at the scan, and can see nothing alarming, although he says I must wait for the full report from the radiologist. So all is fine.
Another set of appointments are made for six months hence.
So there we are.
I just wish your treatment had proved successful. I wish that everyday. I am so sorry you had to suffer. I’m so sorry you didn’t make it. I’m so sorry.
My darling Angel son.
Thinking of you.
Love you forever.
xxxxxx
Monday 6th November
A gentle pain
Cacophonous quietness
An abnormal normality
Overcrowded loneliness
A screaming calm
Smiling sadness
A heartbreaking love
Abundant emptiness
I miss you more each and everyday
I love you more than words can say
My Angel
My son
xxxxxx
Low tide, looking towards Hayle Towans
Looking back towards the harbour
Sunday 5th November
So there you are in heaven above
You left surrounded by so much love
So here you are a vivid rainbow
A pot of gold with the brightest glow
So there you are a joyful sunbeam
Closing your eyes to silently dream
So here you are the brightest star
You’re very close and yet so far
My darling Angel
My precious son
Love you so much
Forever young
xxxxxx
Breezy and bright
Harbour panorama
Saturday 4th November
Silently treading
Through the depths
Of my unconsciousness
Weightlessly floating
In the blue swell
Of countless oceans
Lost on the winds
Blowing imperceptibly
Across grassy meadows
Gently encompassed
Within a silken cocoon
Of mellifluous dreams
That’s where I’ll find you
My sweet Angel
My darling boy
xxxxxx
Beautiful rainbow across Porthmeor Beach
A wintry looking sea
Blustery winds, scudding clouds and a little bright sunshine
Young swans in the harbour
They had probably flown across the bay from the estuary at Hayle
A ‘Jumbo’ sailing in the late afternoon sun
A replica, nineteenth century, fishing lugger
Friday 3rd November
I still have so much love to give
You still had so much life to live
Now all that’s left is so much grief
Your time on earth much too brief
So many teardrops still to fall
So many times to you I call
Perpetual silence, neverending
Mask on my face, just pretending
I’ve lost something so dear to me
My Angel son, now flying free
xxxxxx
Pretty heart-shaped leaf
High tide creeping up the slipway
Thursday 2nd November
Something
Is missing
Sometimes
I’m wishing
Somewhere
You’re listening
Someplace
I’m reminiscing
Always thinking of you
Beloved Angel son
xxxxxx
Paddle boarding on the calm sea
Harbour high tide
Thick bank of cloud on the horizon
Wednesday 1st November
I miss you so much
Since you began
Waking up in heaven
My precious little man
And the hurt I feel
Will never end
Because you’re in heaven
So my love I send
Blowing kisses to you
As I look to the sky
My Angel in heaven
Fly high, fly high……..
Love you forever
Beloved son
xxxxxx
Pretty skies and few waves on Porthmeor
High tide
November sunshine
Tuesday 31st October
Singing with the angels
Playing catch with stars
Pillow fights with clouds
And flying around Mars
Sprinkling golden sunbeams
Jumping over shadows
Gliding in the wind
And sliding down rainbows
Missing you
My fun-loving Angel
Cherished son
xxxxxx
Panorama of West Porthmeor Beach
Seagull surveying his territory
Porthmeor Beach and the Island
So still in the harbour
Monday 30th October
I seem to be missing you a lot today
Thinking of you each step of the way
Wishing that you’d been able to stay
I look out at all the boats in the bay
The warm sun chases away the grey
But in the end, and come what may
I’ll never, ever forget to say
In my heart is where you’ll stay
My dearest darling Angel son
xxxxxx
Gentle waves on Porthmeor Beach
High tide in the harbour
Cloudier towards Hayle
