Friday 9th October

I do try to keep myself busy, go for daily walks, keep on top of the chores and paperwork, but honestly, when I stop for a moment, I am thinking of you.

Sometimes I feel guilty if I’m laughing at something or smiling when speaking with another person.
I think someone else might catch a glimpse of me showing displays of happiness.
Guilt.
Because I shouldn’t be happy, should I?
You’re not here.
You’re my Angel in heaven now.

Outwardly I’m trying to carry on.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you.
My heart holds you constantly, and you are in my thoughts permanently.
Every time I pause, you are there with me.
Invisibly holding hands.

I am coping.
Sort of.
And if I’m coping, I’m allowed to smile every once in a while.
Aren’t I?
It doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten, I’ve moved on without you, or I’ve stopped thinking about you.

I loved you then.
I love you now.
I will always love you.
Forevermore.

But it’s hard.
Because I do miss you so very much.

Fly high
Sweetie Pie.
xxxxx