Thursday 16th November
Saying that last goodbye hurt so much
But there’s nothing worse than knowing
I’ll never again hear you say “Hello”
As off to heaven you were going
Miss you my Angel
Precious son
Now you’ll be
Forever young
xxxxxx
Wintery skies over Porthmeor Beach
No-one walking along the sand this afternoon
Calm waters in the harbour
Wednesday 15th November
Your precious light will always shine
As your heart beats along with mine
Forming a treasured love, so divine
I’m constantly looking for a sign
To continue with your storyline
Being a lover of all things equine
Galloping quietly in the moonshine
Missing you
Love you more
My beautiful Angel
We all adore
xxxxxx
A grey harbour this afternoon
A painting of Frank and Warrior
On a hack through the lanes of the New Forest
Such a beautiful looking animal
Tuesday 14th November
Such a grey sky
Monochrome afternoon
Bare-branched trees
With leaves all strewn
Across the green grass
A golden festoon
Need some sun
To chase clouds away
Bring a smile back
Fears to allay
A lightness of being
An autumnal display
Recalling memories
Daily thoughts employ
As seasons change
So much to enjoy
Wish you were here
My sweet, darling boy
Missing you every day
Love you forever
Beloved Angel son
xxxxxx
Dark moody clouds when we visited you today. (Then I saw a little face, just below the centre of the picture……..)
Monday 13th November
Life does goes on
But it’s not the same
I can’t move on
As I call your name
I try to carry on
But grief overcame
Your memory lives on
Like a hall of fame
Love you poppet
Beloved Angel son
xxxxxx
The black cat visited us today when we came to see you
Late afternoon, autumnal sunshine
Sunday 12th November
Your voice is in the wind
Carried over the ocean
Whispering words of love
Filled with joy and devotion
I stop to listen carefully
Shuddering with emotion
If I stand and close my eyes
I can see you in slow motion
Dipping and diving over the surf
I’m sadly struck by the notion
My dearest, darling Angel son
My heart is irreparably broken
Thinking of you always
Loving you forever
xxxxxx
White horses and choppy waves hitting Man’s Head
Blue skies and blustery winds
A little less windy in the harbour
Surf rolling towards Porthminster Beach
Saturday 11th November
Finding these photos
Did make me smile
Even if it was just
For a little while
The look on your face
Filled with pleasure
Such happy days
My precious treasure
Laughing and joking
About simple things
Now you’re an Angel
Flying with wings
And I miss you so much
I miss you so much it hurts
Love you sweetheart
xxxxxx
Pandora Inn, Restronguet Creek, 2006
You were twenty-one and full of mischief
Always having a good old laugh
Friday 10th November
With wings he flies
Through heavenly skies
I wake each sunrise
With tear-filled eyes
My heart still cries
For the last good-byes.
Sweetheart Angel
Precious son
xxxxxx
A chilly harbour at low tide
A few walkers with their dogs
Harbour fishing boats and small craft
Thursday 9th November
Everything is different now
I miss you being around
Your voice, your laughter
Such a joyful, happy sound
Everything is different now
I miss you being around
Your antics, your routines
Such delight would abound
Everything is different now
I miss you being around
Your smile, your character
Precious love would surround
Everything is different now
I miss you being around
Your books, your music
Now you’re nowhere to be found
Love you my darling
Beloved Angel son
xxxxxx
Wispy clouds overhead when we were visiting you this afternoon
Wednesday 8th November
I talk to you
I talk with you
I talk about you
I did
I do
I will
Then, as now
Nothing changes
Not ever
Although you’ve gone
Your memory lives on
My Angel son
xxxxxx
Driving home from Exeter
Cookworthy Knapp ~ on the approach to Cornwall ~ a copse of 140 beech trees
Tuesday 7th November
A drive up to Exeter early this morning, (in the lashing rain, with appointments at two hospitals, for my end of Year Four check ups), had me feeling rather anxious ~ scanxiety setting in……
I was diagnosed with metastatic malignant melanoma in 2013, and am on the Combi-Ad clinical drugs trial. It is an adjuvant therapy, combining two drugs to (hopefully) stop the further spread of cancer.
First stop dermatology, for a full body skin check, (my unexpected excision a month ago came back as a benign melanocytic naevus). Both the trainee and consultant dermatologist agreed there was nothing unusual or suspicious to be seen. All is fine.
Second stop is to see my cancer trials nurse who takes vials of blood, and checks my blood pressure (a little too high, I think), temperature (ok), weight (too high, I think), and pulse (ok). I then fill out a “Quality of Life” survey. All is (mostly) fine.
Off down the corridor to medical imaging for a CT scan. Ouchy ouch, the radioactive contrast fluid was painful as it entered my vein. Hmmmmm, not too impressed ~ it has never hurt like it did today. Oh well. All is (now) fine.
Final stop is to see my oncologist, for another full body check. He has had a quick look at the scan, and can see nothing alarming, although he says I must wait for the full report from the radiologist. So all is fine.
Another set of appointments are made for six months hence.
So there we are.
I just wish your treatment had proved successful. I wish that everyday. I am so sorry you had to suffer. I’m so sorry you didn’t make it. I’m so sorry.
My darling Angel son.
Thinking of you.
Love you forever.
xxxxxx
The Journey of My Left Foot (whilst remembering my son) 