Category Archives: brain tumour

Skateboarding

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Sunday 17th January

Your brother is in southern Spain with his girlfriend right now, staying in her grandmother’s house on the coast.
I had packaged up and sent out a skateboard to him and they sent this photo to answer my question about whether the parcel had arrived safely.

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Hmmmm, twenty eight years old and still skateboarding.
Oh well.

I think we gave you both your first skateboards for Christmas in 1990, when we were living in Australia.
You were five and your brother was three years old.
You weren’t too sure of this mode of transport, but your brother developed quite a flair for it.

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You, standing on the skateboard, being pushed by your brother. December 1990.

When we returned home to England two years later, the skateboards came too.
You used to like sitting on top, rolling down the garden path, sometimes crashing into the back door.

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You and Nan rolling down the garden path

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Skateboarding down the path with Nan

Such fun you had.
Grinning and laughing.
Again and again.
Up and down the path.

I miss your laughter so much.
Love you sweetie.
Angel son.
xxx

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In my heart

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Saturday 16th January

“and tonight,
I’ll fall asleep with
you in my heart.”

When I do fall asleep tonight,
I know you’re there in my heart.
For that is where I care for you,
So we’ll never, ever be apart.

In the silent sadness of my dream,
You appear with hands held out.
A great big smile, twinkling eyes,
You’re with me, I have no doubt.

Our hearts beat with each other,
Together again is where we’ll be.
My sleepy head upon the pillow,
I’ll be loving you, unconditionally.

I miss you, my Angel.
Love you forever.
Beloved son.
xxxxx

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Snow Angel

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Friday 15th January

“The snow is crisp
The stars are bright.
I spread my arms and I take flight.
Wings fluttering as I fly,
up into the evening sky.”

As the temperatures fall, and reports of snow are given on the news channels, I am reminded of your first time playing outside in the white stuff.

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You were two years old, it was 1987 and we were living in Devon.
One morning we woke up to find the garden was covered in snow.
You had such a lovely time touching, squeezing and stamping footprints on the ground.
A beautiful smile lit up your face: you were mesmerised by this new experience.

You are my Angel snow baby.
Flying high in the evening sky.
I love you sweetheart.
I miss you so very much.

xxxxx

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In the clouds

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Thursday 14th January

“and I will see you
someday again in
      the clouds.”

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These were the clouds and blue skies over the harbour this afternoon.
A pretty day, with chilly, biting winds.
Could you see me looking up, for you?
Were you looking down, for me?
I miss you so very much.
I really wish you were here.

Love you Angel.
Dearest son.
xxxx

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Remember

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Wednesday 13th January

Remember I love you.
I love you forever.
I’ll always love you.
Forget you, never.

Memories I’ll cherish.
Cherish them forever.
Memories won’t fade.
Recall them whenever.

Your heartbeat is safe.
Safe in my heart.
I feel my heart beating.
We’re never apart.

xxxxx

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Ten months

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Tuesday 12th January

Ten months ago you passed away.
And I think of you every single day.
We tried so hard to make you stay.
But we know we’ll see you someday.

With Angel wings you flew up high.
I can’t believe it, I don’t know why.
Sometimes I just sit here and cry.
I love you my darling, sweetie pie.

xxxxx

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Dust to stardust

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David Bowie photographed by Annie Leibovitz.

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The cover of Aladdin Sane.

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David Bowie photographed by Helmut Newton. Lyrics from Lazarus.

Monday 11th January

David Bowie……..
1947 – 2016

Ashes to ashes, dust to stardust.

Heaven’s gained a starman.

Planet earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do.

This serious moonlight.

Look up here, I’m in heaven.

Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim.

And the stars look very different today.

Press your space face close to mine, love.

I absolutely love you.

Lyrics by David Bowie

And you, my little man,
Are my very own starman.
Flying high, up in the sky,
Love you, my sweetie pie.
Angel son.
Forever young.
Love you always.
xxxxx

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Another sunset

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Sunday 10th January

Another sunset without you.
Another day without you here.
Another sunrise without you.
Another month, a new year.

Another long night without you.
Another morning, no wakeup call.
Another season without you.
Another with memories to recall.

I miss you so much.
Love you forever.

xxxxx

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Never shine as bright

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Saturday 9th January

I know the sun
Will come out tomorrow,
But without you,
It will never shine
As bright again.

And that’s the way
It seems to me.
The sky has lost
It’s glow, it’s brightness
The shine has gone.

I miss you.
More than I did yesterday,
But not as much
As I’ll miss you tomorrow.
Emptiness surrounds me.

Your smile and laughter
Lit up our lives.
Intense and demanding.
But never-ending
Surprises and joy.

And I know
The sun won’t shine
As bright again.
It’s warmth is there
The sparkle is gone.

Love you so very much.
Darling Angel son.
xxxxx

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Never be a day

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Friday 8th January

There will never be a day
When I won’t think of you.

Whatever I do, wherever I go
You are always on my mind.

The pain is not going away
I just miss you constantly.

I will remember your smile
To ease the sorrow I feel.

Love you forever sweetie pie.
Angel son, flying so high.

xxxxx

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The beach this afternoon