Everything and Nothing



Monday 7th December

“What’s the matter?
I smile and say ‘Nothing’.
Then I turn around,
And whisper ‘Everything’.”

and Everything
Is the matter.
Both at the same time,
Or all at once,

I might be smiling,
But I’m missing you.
I may be laughing,
(is that allowed?),
And wishing you were here.
Right now.

I’m making plans
Except I’m leaving you out.
I’m still breathing
But you’re not.
Your photograph,
Wishing you’d spring to life.

So yes, Nothing.
And Everything.
What I would give
For Nothing to matter
And Everything
Back as it was.


Two hundred and seventy one days ago you gained your Angel wings.
It’s eight months today since your funeral.
Two hundred and forty four days since we laid you to rest in the cemetery that we visit on a daily basis.

Today we tidied up your resting place, removing your name structure, and the petunias. Time for a bit of a sweep up. There are so many leaves, twigs and branches being blown about; it was dry but incredibly windy.
There is still more to do, but we’ll be back tomorrow my sweetie, don’t worry.


Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about my phone call this evening. My melanoma trials nurse rang to let me know the results of the CT scan I had a couple of weeks ago ~ all is clear, I’m NED again ~ No Evidence of Disease.
So Everything is ok.
Is it?
Nothing to worry about.
Would that that were true.
See you in six months time.
As I move into Year Three of the Combi-Ad trial.
I wish it had been this easy with you.


You are my Everything, and Nothing will change that.

Loving you like Nothing else matters.
Missing Everything about you.

Forever young.
Sweet Angel son.


8th April 2015


8th April 2015


8th May 2015


8th June 2015


8th July 2015


6th August 2015 (On 8th August, we were climbing Snowdon for you.)


8th September 2015


8th October 2015


8th November 2015





18 responses »

  1. Yes, you can laugh. He’d want you too.
    You can do whatever you want to do.
    You can cry, you can wail,
    Whatever it takes to nurture your frail.
    You can question, you can ask,
    For however long this pain lasts.
    You can scream, you can yell,
    Until you run out of stories to tell.
    You can share, share with us all,
    Show us how much it hurts to fall.
    So thank you, thank you for You,
    For sharing your heart, and being true.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: My Article Read (12-8-2015) | My Daily Musing

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