Category Archives: Angel

Never the same

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Tuesday 6th October

And you, my dear son, certainly did leave footprints on our hearts.

And we, and our lives, will never, ever be the same.

Nothing will be the same as it was.
Outwardly it may seem so.
But all has now changed.
A smile on our face belies the hidden sorrow……

So much left to do.
So many plans.
So many places to take you.
So many experiences to share with you.

Now, we’ll take you with us, in our hearts.
For that is where your footprints left deep impressions.
We’ll travel together forever.
We’ll hold your invisible hand as we go exploring once more.

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Frank and statues outside the Customs House, Key West

We did have such fun, with magical travels to beautiful destinations.

We miss you so very much, and wish you were still here with us.

Love you forever my sweet Angel.
xxxx

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We just knew we were having fun

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Monday 5th October

“We didn’t realise
We were making
Memories
We just knew
We were having
Fun.”

Six years ago today my father passed away from pancreatic cancer. It was officially diagnosed that summer, whilst we were visiting him in South Carolina, but he had been feeling ill for some months.

He lived an extraordinary life, coming into contact with royalty, prime ministers, actors, union leaders, professional golfers, rock stars, cowboys, jazz musicians ……. the amazing list goes on and on.

His story began in Surrey, England on February 4th 1932.
We didn’t call him Dad, Daddy or Father. To his three children, (and everyone else for that matter), he was always know as Hank. (Although at school, his nickname had been Buster).
He was educated at Sutton Grammar School, evacuated to Windsor during the war, and then joined the RAF College at Cranwell.

For several years he flew at the Farnborough Air Show with his Blue Diamonds Aerobatic team (Hunter jets), also travelling all over the world with them, flying at air shows and gala events.

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Lightnings and Thunderbirds

He then moved on to the English Electric Lightning with 92 and 56 Squadrons. He had many postings to Cyprus and Malta during these times.

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Hank foreground, 56 Squadron

In 1966 he was part of the team of sixteen Lightnings who flew in a tribute flypast over the launch carrying Sir Winston Churchill’s coffin up the River Thames at the end of the State Funeral.

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Hank, fifth from left

Hank was presented with the Air Force Cross for Distinguished Service by the Queen at Buckingham Place in 1966. This was awarded to Hank for bringing the fleeing Shah of Persia (Iran), to England.

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Hank escorting the fleeing Shah out of Persia

In 1967 he was posted to Singapore, for two years, where he became the second-in-command of the three British Armed Services. Our family had some terrific experiences and holidays in the Far East. It was where I began my high school education.

Upon his return to the UK in 1969, he reformed 43 Squadron at RAF Leuchars in Scotland.

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Hank. Phantom. 43 Squadron

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Hank shadowing a Russian 'bear'

It was during this time that HRH Prince Charles was taken on a two hour, supersonic flying sortie with Hank in a Phantom fighter-bomber. The flight included an air-to-air refuelling exercise with a Victor tanker, taking on 1200 gallons of fuel. They flew as high as 40,000 feet and as low as 1000 feet, making a pass over Balmoral, (reported at the time, as an ‘extrovert flourish’).

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Hank instructing Prince Charles

During his time in Scotland he received the Bar to the AFC at Holyrood Palace, Edinburgh. This was bestowed upon him by The Queen Mother.

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Hank with AFC and bar

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The Queen's birthday flypast

In 1972 Hank made the decision to leave the RAF, travelled to Camper Nicholson in Portsmouth, bought a yacht and sailed himself across the Atlantic.

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Crossing the Atlantic in Western Union

Since then he spent many happy years sailing though the Islands from Venezuela to Chesapeake, in and around Bermuda, and across the Pacific from the Marquesas to New Zealand.

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Rum Raisin in Bermuda

During the late seventies he bought a ranch in Durango, Colorado and rekindled his love of skiing. At that time he was driving a black and gold Pontiac Trans Am and flying a Queenair Beechcraft to the Grand Canyon, Palm Springs and Santa Monica.

However, his passion for sailing soon returned and he again found himself travelling up and down the East Coast of America.

During the last fifteen or so years of his life, he made North Myrtle Beach his port, leaving every now and again to visit Tobago, the Virgin Islands, Bermuda, Venezuela and the Keys.

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Wild Blue in the Keys

Throughout his life, Hank had a passion for golf, playing courses all over the world, from Spyglass Hill, Pebble Beach; Troon in Scotland; Wentworth in Surrey, to the Singapore Island Country Club, where he regularly played with Lee Kwan Yew, the then Prime Minister of Singapore.

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Contemplating the 'gator at Tiger's Eye Golf Course

Whilst in North Myrtle Beach, he was part of a group of golfing buddies who played three times a week in and around North and South Carolina. He treasured their friendship enormously.

Hank was always a gracious host on his sailboats (Western Union, Rum Raisin, and latterly Wild Blue), taking friends on wonderful, day-sailing trips on the ocean.
We also became ‘boat gypsies’ for our summer holidays, and joined him wherever his yacht happened to be anchored. We had some marvellous sailing adventures together. We were so lucky.

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Wild Blue in Tobago

He had a great love, knowledge and appreciation for gourmet food, as well as an appropriate, fine wine to accompany it. Hank was always an excellent “sommelier” at dinner parties with close friends.

Few people knew of his great artistic ability with oil or watercolours, or of his talent as an actor, having appeared in several local commercials.

Hank was not one to verbalise his own talents, but he was totally dedicated and passionate about anything he endeavoured to do.

His free spirit could best be described by lines from a novel by John Berendt. Hank was the “Cosmos Mariner” ~ “Destination Unknown”

(Taken from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil: John Berendt is talking to Miss Harty while they drink martinis in the cemetery:

“Aiken [Conrad Aiken] loved to come here and watch the ships go by,” she said. “One afternoon, he saw one with the name Cosmos Mariner painted on the bow. That delighted him. The word ‘cosmos’ appears often in his poetry, you know. That evening he went home and looked for mention of the Cosmos Mariner in the shipping news. There it was, in tiny type on the list of ships in port. The name was followed by the comment ‘Destination Unknown.’ That pleased him even more.”)

Hank made many long-lasting acquaintances worldwide; from those in the RAF, the USAF and CAF; to the sailors, golfers and many who became part of his wide circle of friends.

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Hank and I

Miss you Hank.
Give Frank a great big hug.
xxxxx

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Franks' flowers today

So very much

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Sunday 4th October

And we loved you so very much.
We love you still.
We will love you forever.

Just wanted you to know that.
That we’re thinking of you.
We never stop thinking of you.

Missing you today.
Missing you so very much.

Wishing you were still here.
Love you sweet Angel.

xxxx

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Miss you

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Saturday 3rd October

How can it be?
You’re not here with me.

It wasn’t your time
To leave us alone.

Life isn’t fair,
We all know that.

This wasn’t the plan
We had for you.

Tears and heartache,
But no regrets.

Your life was amazing,
Your achievements many.

You’ve left behind
A massive void.

But for thirty years
You were our son.

Smiling with you,
But crying alone.

Looking skyward
Searching for signs.

Just fly peacefully.
Angel of mine.

xxxxx

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Forever with me

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Friday 2nd October

“A part of me went with you
A part of you stayed with me”

So very true.
In fact a big part of me, went with you to Heaven, and I am left broken.
Incomplete.
Without you, nothing is as it was.
There are so many missing pieces.
So many silences.
So many spaces that will never now be filled.
Events that will never be.
Places we won’t see.
People who will never meet you.

And yet, part of you has stayed with me.
Your thirty years of fun, adventures, experiences, learning, smiles, tears, frustration, success, challenges…..
So many tales to tell.
No one can take those away.
So, so many wonderful memories.

Love you forever my sweetheart.
Blowing kisses to Heaven.
Beloved Angel son xxxx

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Sunny afternoon in the harbour (low tide)

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Quiet and calm at dusk (high tide)

Missing you today

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Thursday 1st October

Well, after many journeys back and forth, we finally helped your brother to move out of his flat. (Big sighs of relief all round.) It certainly did look very clean and tidy when we left it. (Even though he will have to pay a extra day’s rent for being one day over his tenancy.) You would be shaking your head by now, tutting and tapping the floor with your foot, whilst knowingly shaking your head. I can just hear you saying, “I told you so”.

Anyway, this afternoon we went to visit Nan in her new care home, and she seems much happier and very much settled in. Your brother was most impressed with the view of the sea, especially when a couple of paragliders floated past.

Having said our goodbyes to Nan, we came to see you. Did you feel your brother’s quiet presence? He doesn’t say much, but I know he misses you a great deal.

Sending love and kisses to Heaven, from all of us.
We miss you so very much in each of our own ways.
And I know you are forever in our hearts and thoughts.

Love you sweetheart xxxxx

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You are near

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Wednesday 30th September

Well, for the last two days, we have been frantically helping your brother to clean up and clear out of his flat. He is going to Spain to be with his girlfriend.

And you would not have been impressed with his organisation. He leaves everything to the last minute, so all is crammed into a couple of days of non-stop cleaning, lifting, shifting, packing, disposing.

I know you would have given him a piece of your mind! You would have everything sorted weeks before the vacating date. All would be just so, properly checked, with a sensible routine for getting things done in a timely fashion.

You would be telling him off if you saw us with the carpet cleaner, or washing windows at nine o’clock tonight.

Still, all should be finished tomorrow, thank goodness.

All the time that we were busy, I was thinking of you, and where you would be, or what you might have said.
You are in my mind constantly.
You are in my heart forever.

We miss you so very much.
We love you to the moon and back.
Dearest sweet Angel son.
xxxx

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Your wings

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Tuesday 29th September

“Your Wings
Were Ready
But My
Heart
Was Not”

So very true.
I was just not ready at all to let you go.
Unbelievably unexpected.
Unthinkable.
No clues or symptoms.
Nothing.

To all intents and purposes things were improving.
Your tumours were shrinking.
One more infusion of chemotherapy.
That was all.
You were on day ninety nine out of one hundred days of treatment.
You had taken it well.
You did what you had to do.
You did what you were told.

We were making plans.
We talked to you about organising holidays.
Being able to get away.
Have fun.
Laugh.
To live your life.

But no.
It was just not to be.
Your body couldn’t take any more chemotherapy.
You fell asleep and didn’t wake up.
You went to Heaven.
Quickly and quietly.

And we are left behind.
Heartbroken.
Empty.
Lost.

We miss you like crazy.
We love you so dearly.
Now, forever young.
Sweet Angel son.
xxxxx

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After-dinner walk tonight, just before sunset

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High tide in the harbour at dusk

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Your flowers today

Two hundred days in Heaven

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Monday 28th September

Two hundred days ago you gained your Angel wings.
There is not a day that goes by when I don’t think of you.
It only seems like yesterday.

We brought Nan to visit with you today. We have moved her into a care home much closer, so that hopefully her friends will be able to visit more frequently. And of course, she can come and see you too.
Today she was upset though. She loved you so very much. And she misses you.
We all do.

Your sunshine sunflowers are looking beautiful in the back garden, my little sunbeam. You would be so proud of how well they’ve grown. “The tallest sunflowers in the world”. That’s what you had planned.
If only you were here to see them.
Can you look down and smile?

Two hundred days.

Love you forever.
Missing you constantly.
Thinking of you always.
My sweetest sunshine Angel.
xxxxx

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One of your sunflowers in the back garden.

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Cemetery sunshine

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Your flowers today

Just close your eyes

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Sunday 27th September

“Close your eyes and touch your heart.
That heartbeat you feel is yours and mine.
Together we will always shine.
I am not gone, I have only changed.
When you wish for me to be there,
Just close your eyes and feel me near.
…………… Your Angel.”

Such lovely words.
Do I believe them?
I have to.
That’s all I have.
Hope.
Faith.
That you are with me.

Love you forever sweetie pie.
xxxxx

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