Wednesday 23rd November
A cold November afternoon
You’d go walking through town
Shiny pink, pinched cheeks
Coat done up, hat pulled down
Out in the bracing fresh air
Trampling leaves, all brown
Leaving footprints in the sand
A happy face, never a frown
My precious, sweet Angel
I feel your presence all around
Love you forever
Sleep tight sweetheart
xxxxxx
A cold November afternoon
Tuesday 22nd November
I speak your name
With so much pride
Even though it hurts
Deep down inside.
My voice may tremble
As I say your name
Missing you so much
Never be the same.
Although I cry
Every single night
Whisper your name
And hold you tight.
I’m trying so hard
Keeping it together
Love you my Angel
Say your name forever.
xxxxxx
Monday 21st November
I hold out my arms
But you’re not there.
I call out your name
But you can’t hear.
I look for your smile
Only in a photograph.
I listen for your laughter
But all is silent.
I feel my heart beating
I know you’re there.
Fly high sweetheart
Precious Angel son
Love you forever
xxxxxx
Christmas decorations in the shopping mall
Looking festive
Sunday 20th November
Today we attended the Ruby Anniversary of the Fortune Centre of Riding Therapy (located in the New Forest); celebrating forty years of educating young people, for whom life has proved a challenge. Our son Frank attended in 2001, on a three year Further Education Through Horsemanship course.
Life skills are taught with the interaction of horses: whether grooming, keeping a tidy stable, measuring feed and weighing hay nets, exercise, or discipline. Numeracy, literary, and social skills, and the ability to achieve success, where this had previously been lacking, brought such a change to Frank’s life.
Frank had an amazing time at FCRT, where living, caring for and working with the horses improved his social skills, his confidence and of course, his horse riding.
We were welcomed by the director, who remembered Frank so fondly, and when we all moved outdoors for the dedication of a Founder’s Garden, she spoke affectionately about our son, bringing tears to my eyes. Frank really made an impression on everyone he met.
We love you, my darling.
Miss you so very much.
Our heavenly horseman in heaven.
xxxxxx
http://www.fortunecentre.org/home/
‘Fortune’ the original pony, after whom the centre was named
Meeting with Martin Clunes, one of the patrons of the Fortune Centre
William, one of the horses at FCRT, with a beautiful temperament
The splendid colours of the New Forest
My new pal, Doc Martin. (I do look quite surprised)
Saturday 19th November
Hold my hand
Never let go
I’ll always tell you
I love you so.
Hold on to me
Stay by my side
I’m always here
Arms open wide.
I’ll hold onto you
Tucked in my heart
So safe you’ll be
We’re never apart.
Love you My Angel
Forever and always
Dearest darling son
Hold on to those days.
xxxxxx
Friday 18th November
Thinking of you, my Angel
Always
All the time
Tomorrow I’ll think about you more.
Missing you, my Angel
Always
All the time
Tomorrow I’ll miss you more.
Loving you, my Angel
Always
All the time
Tomorrow I’ll love you more.
Dearest darling Angel son
Now you’ll be forever young.
xxxxxx
Thursday 17th November
It really doesn’t get any easier at all
I miss you……
I know there are happy times to recall
But……
Sometimes all I want to do is bawl
I love you…….
And I tell you this every nightfall
It’s Thursday……
Eighty eight weeks since I heard you call
“Love you mum”……
My Angel
Sleep tight sweetheart
xxxxxx
Wednesday 16th November
I know you’re in the arms of angels
But how I wish I could hold you tight
I’d wrap my arms gently around you
Say “I love you” as I kiss you goodnight
(Every single day
I wake up knowing
You’re not there
I miss you so much)
My darling Angel son.
xxxxxx
Tuesday 15th November
An early morning wake-up, followed by a two hundred mile round-trip for my month thirty six check-up. I have Stage 3 Metastatic Malignant Melanoma, and am on a clinical trial called Combi-Ad for the adjuvant treatment of this type of melanoma.
A mole on my left foot, the Alien Blob, was removed in May 2013, but found to be cancerous. Following more surgery, a skin graft, then lymph node removal, I signed up to a double-blind trial, confident that I was doing something positive, regarding my health, but also grateful for the very close monitoring that this would entail.
Today I had a full body check with the dermatologist ~ all seems good, and she was happy there were no new ‘trouble spots’.
Then it was a drive to the second hospital where I met with my trials nurse, who didn’t need any blood today, but did check weight, temperature, pulse, blood pressure (a bit too high), oxygen saturation.
We sat around for a while; I drank 500mls of the obligatory water, waiting for my CT scan, and although slightly uncomfortable, the procedure was over in less than ten minutes.
The final appointment of the day was with the oncologist, skin cancer nurse and my trials nurse. So, stripping off for the third time today, I was given another full body check, questions asked, stethoscope used, and told it would probably take two weeks for the scan results to be reported.
Waiting, waiting, waiting. Scanxiety. Not good. Crossing fingers, and all that……
Anyway, just before we arrived home, we hoped to drive in and see you. We honestly didn’t think the gates would be open, as they are usually closed at dusk. It was now dark, damp and misty, but amazingly, the heavy iron gates were still wide open.
So very quiet and peaceful, and although pitch black in a graveyard, we felt close to you; it felt right, and we told you all about our day.
Love you so much sweetheart.
Wish you were here to talk to.
Moon and back, my darling.
xxxxxx
Monday 14th November
Does my love reach heaven?
I really hope you know
How much I’m thinking of you
How I love and miss you so.
As I look up to the super moon
And see all the twinkling stars
I remember all the times we had
And the special love that was ours.
Then each time I look skywards
I truly hope you feel my love
Sent to you with a grieving heart
As you look down from above.
Sweetheart Angel son
xxxxxx
The Journey of My Left Foot (whilst remembering my son) 