Wednesday 18th November

“Our lives go on without you
But nothing is the same.”

………………

We are here, and you are there.
Nothing will ever be the same.
There is no longer an answer,
When I call out your name.

You are there, and we are here.
Nothing is as it was before.
There’s complete silence,
When I gently close the door.

We are here, and you are there.
Nothing is how we want it to be.
We’d rather you were with us,
But must accept you’re flying free.

You are there, and we are here.
Nothing is right anymore.
You’re not coming back
We know that’s for sure.

Our lives do go on without you,
We have absolutely no choice.
We are here, and you are there,
In your memories, we’ll rejoice.

Lovely boy.
Sweetie Pie.
Angel son.
Flying high.

xxxxx

Sunday 15th November

You are my Starman.
Fly high sweet Angel.

The theme music from the film Starman always reminds me of you.
It is so uplifting, other-worldly, and epic in it’s powerful production.
I love it, and could listen to it over, and over again.

And I look at the picture of you, at Islamorada in the Florida Keys, and remember happier times.

(Music composed by Jack Nitzsche, film directed by John Carpenter.)

Missing you so much.
Love you forever.
Angel son.
xxxxx

Saturday 14th November

“As I sit here and whisper,
‘I miss you’
I believe somehow
You can still hear me.”
……………

I talk to you,
Every moment I can,
I ask how you’re doing,
My sweet, little man.

I whisper your name,
In the dark of the night,
Listening for you,
As the stars take flight.

If you could hear me,
I know you would say,
Nighty night, mum,
At the end of the day.

Love you, my poppet,
I’m telling you this,
To my darling Angel,
I’m sending a kiss.

xxxxx

Friday 13th November

   “A luminous light
            remains
Where a beautiful soul
        has passed”

Today whilst walking around the harbour in the late afternoon, there certainly was a special glow to the sky, reflecting on the sea.

13 November 2015

A luminous light?
Perhaps.
Were you walking along with us?
Maybe.
How did I know you were there?
A kiss.

A kiss from heaven. 13.11.15

A spectacular kiss was formed in the sky above the harbour, that followed us all the way home.

And I know it was you.

Love you forever my sweetheart.
Dearest Angel son.
A beautiful soul.
Blowing kisses to you in heaven.
xxxxx

Wednesday 11th November

A year ago, on this date, you had surgery.
A biopsy of a lump on your testicle.

Our lives were normal one minute, and then in a split second, everything changed.
It hits you like a brick wall.
Right, smack between the eyes.
It stops you in your tracks.
It takes the wind out of your sails. And you flounder.
It takes your breath away. And you struggle to breathe, to function, to be.

And then you’re catapulted onto another out-of-control rollercoaster, and you’ll never be allowed to get off. Not. Ever.

Everything you thought you had, becomes fragile and vulnerable.
All your hopes, dreams and plans are put on hold.
Or they quite simply just fade away, because they’re no longer possible to attain.

Reassess.
Regroup.
Rethink.
Rearrange.

I had lost my father to pancreatic cancer in 2009.
I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma in 2013.

Not again.
Not our family.
Not you.
Not you.
Not you.

My dear, sweet, innocent boy.

Love you to the moon and back and all the world and round the planets and back again.

I miss you.

My Angel xxxx

Tuesday 10th November

I really needed a bit of cheering up today. I needed to smile. And then I came across a set of photographs of you, after you had taken part in a trampoline competition.

You really enjoyed your trampoline sessions: they built up your core strength, you learnt to be part of a team, you developed a sense of discipline and patience, as well as remembering the set routines you had to perform

You were so proud and pleased to receive an award for sixth place, out of quite a large number of participants. This improved your self-esteem quite markedly.

And then you got a fit of the giggles. You couldn’t stop laughing and joking about, all the while, tightly holding onto your certificate.

The hilarity of the trampoline certificate.

Such a silly, funny, happy face.
Such innocent, untroubled times.
Your smile certainly does make me smile.
I love you so very much.
And I miss you unbelievably.

My sweet treasure.
My darling Angel.
My son.
xxxx

Monday 9th November

“You can’t see
me or touch me,
but I promise you,
I’m sitting here
next to you.”

………….

It’s windy my boy,
But I still go,
To stand beside you,
With head bowed low.

So, are you there,
Dearest Angel son?
Right next to me,
My evanescent one.

New flowers today,
For your resting place.
But it’s difficult to keep
The tears from my face.

Looking up to the sky,
My heart beats double.
For it’s then I sense,
Your invisible cuddle.

Love you sweetheart.
Missing you like crazy.
xxxxx

New flowers today.

A windy beach this afternoon.