Category Archives: brain tumour

Aug19

Standing in the rain

Posted on August 19, 2015 by MeRaw

Wednesday 19th August

Summer rain.
Here in Cornwall it’s grey, misty, muggy and damp. Very damp this morning. Big, wet droplets are shaken from the branches of the trees and seem to hit the back of your neck, or your nose, on purpose. The grass in the cemetery is slippery underfoot. But it’s quiet and peaceful as we stand close by and talk to you.

Summers past we would be in Hilton Head Island right about now, walking along the beach early, avoiding the heat of the day. The brightest blue sky a wonderful backdrop to the sugar white sands and the greenest palm tree fronds.

Yes, it would sometimes rain, but it wouldn’t last long, and it would still be warm. You loved the swimming pool and the fountains just a little way back from the beach.

The Beach House HHI August 2014

The fountains at Coligny Beach

We miss you today, so much, as we stood in the rain, reflecting, reminiscing, remembering.
Times past.
Times passed.
Such good times we had.

Rain or shine,
We think of you,
All of the time.

Love you so very much.
Missing you so very much.
xxxx

Aug18

An Angel in my heart

Posted on August 18, 2015 by MeRaw

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Tuesday 18th August

You will always be
My Angel,
Alive,
In my Heart.

Missing you.
Love you forever.
My sweet Angel son.
xxxx

Aug17

The first summer without you

Posted on August 17, 2015 by MeRaw

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Monday 17th August

So, so many reminders of what we would normally be doing……….
All the people in the town, on their seaside summer holiday.
Filling up the beaches, traffic jams, queues in the shops.
Happy families playing on the sand and in the water.
Blue skies, endless sunshine, cold drinks, and ice cream.
Laughter, fun, chatter, screams, cries, waves and smiles.

We shouldn’t be here.
We should be on our summer vacation with you.
Somewhere in America.
Having fun. Laughing. Traveling. Swimming. Shopping. Playing. Smiling. Taking photographs.
Making memories.

But we can’t make any more memories.
Not with you.
Ever.
The memories we made are all we have.
There are no more to be made.

And that makes me sad.

Sweet precious Angel.
xxxx

The sky above your resting place this afternoon. A small rainbow is in the centre. A tiny angel cloud is towards the bottom right.

Aug16

Around my neck

Posted on August 16, 2015 by MeRaw

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Sunday 16th August

“The most precious jewels you’ll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children.”

How very true is that statement.

Facebook keeps reminding me of what we were up to “On this day”.
In 2013 we went to both Universal Studios and the Islands of Adventure. Just before we left, you gave me a great big cuddle. So sweet, so innocent.
So many lovely photographs of you, to treasure.

2013 In between Universal and Islands of Adventure

2010 Disney World

2010 Cocoa Beach

2010 Plymouth

2013 Little River

So many times you had your arms around my neck.
I wish I was still able to have them around me now.

My precious Angel.
I’ll hug you tonight in my dreams.
xxxx

Aug15

I have an Angel

Posted on August 15, 2015 by MeRaw

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Saturday 15th August

I have an Angel in heaven.
I call him son.
My son.
My thirty year old child.

Born with many problems, we made sure he truly lived life to the full.
Yes, his behaviour could be challenging, his language sometimes colourful, his non-compliance frustrating. But he was also so loving, caring and thoughtful.

He is twenty eight years old here, having a wonderful time in Sea World. A great big smile, and such a happy disposition.

Sea World 15.8.13

Chilling with the penguins

Oh to have those carefree, fun days back again.
The days before he was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
The days before chemotherapy destroyed his body and stole his life.

I miss him so very much.
I miss our lives together.

I have an Angel in heaven.
My Angel son xxxx

Aug14

Anniversary

Posted on August 14, 2015 by MeRaw

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Friday 14th August

Today is our Thirty Third Wedding Anniversary.
‘Happy anniversary’?
No.
Just
‘An’ anniversary.

Today brings all sorts of memories and reminders of happier times.

When you were born in 1985, and then your brother in 1987, we spent a few summer holidays in Cornwall, staying with my mother.

Since returning from Australia in 1992, we have not been in our home town to celebrate our anniversary.
We have been incredibly lucky to travel abroad during the school summer holidays. Firstly to the island of Paxos, then Bermuda, Tobago (twice), and then the Virgin Islands. In between, and since then, we spent eighteen years travelling to South Carolina, Georgia and Florida; up to five weeks of exploring the East coast, from Little River to Key West.

We always had such fun together. In the beginning we would join my father on his yacht and become boat gypsies, exploring coves and snorkelling in deserted bays.

When your brother turned seventeen, he decided it wasn’t cool to go on holiday with mum and dad, so it was just the three of us. We would still join my father, but mostly stay in a marina, only going out occasionally on day sails.

Since my father passed away in 2009, we continued to start our vacation in North Myrtle Beach, staying for a while, and then driving south.

For the last few years, our wedding anniversary has been spent in Florida; either at a theme park ~ Busch Gardens, Aquatica, Islands of Adventure or Universal Studios, or down in the Keys, relaxing at the Islander, or having fun in Key West.

Universal Studios 14 August 2013

Of course, you much preferred the theme parks and shopping of Orlando. Each year you would check out the new rides beforehand, and have an itinerary planned.

Universal Studios 14th August 2013

Such simple, loving family fun. You allowed us to have many, many years of happiness and pleasure. You were like a very young teenager for all those years, someone who never grew up, who never grew tired of the excitement that was to be found in Florida.

Universal Studios 14th August 2013

This year, for the first time in thirty years, you are not here.
So we haven’t really ‘celebrated’ our anniversary.
We have thought about you constantly, and all the different places we have been on this day.
It has just been ‘an’ anniversary.

When we went to visit your graveside this afternoon, there was the most beautiful peacock butterfly that flew over to your flowers, and remained there for quite some time.
I would very much like to believe that was a sign from you, that you wanted to be part of our wedding anniversary. Ever close by. In our hearts.

We do miss you more than words can say.
More, each and every day.
Love you to the moon and back.
Sending butterfly kisses.
My Angel.
xxxx

Aug13

Wishing you were here

Posted on August 13, 2015 by MeRaw

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Thursday 13th August

Wishing you were here.

“Endless hours by your grieving bed
Wishing you were here instead.”

I wish for you to be with us, morning and night.
I say your name out loud, every day.
I talk to you, all the time.
I want to hold you, right now.

But you’re up there, in heaven.
And we’re down here, without you.

It’s so quiet. Nothing is going on. No plans are being made. We just seem to exist. We somehow make it through the day, then spend sleepless nights thinking about you.

Another Thursday.
It was twenty two weeks ago that you fell asleep and didn’t wake up.
And I miss you so very much.

Love you forever my Angel son xxxx

Aug12

Five months

Posted on August 12, 2015 by MeRaw

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Wednesday 12th August

Five months.
Five long months without you.
Five months since you passed away.

I miss you constantly.
I smile when I think about you.
I cry when I think about you.

My Angel son in heaven.
Forever young.
Forever gone.

Love you to infinity and beyond.
Love you more than words can say.
Love you to the moon and back.
xxxx

Aug11

Beautiful Memories

Posted on August 11, 2015 by MeRaw

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Tuesday 11th August

You really did leave behind so many beautiful memories for us to treasure.
And these memories can never be taken away, they just seem to become more intense, every little thing now has a deeper meaning.

Thinking about you, about all that we did, about happier times, all those events, have a special place in my heart, but each and every one of those memories is now tinged with sadness.

They are still the same memories, but now they are bittersweet to me. The memories we have of you are wonderful, but we have to accept that that is all we have, all that we have left of you. There will be no new memories to be made. Ever.

My memories of you are therefore happy and sad, at the same time. I am smiling, and yet tears run down my face.

For the last few years, we would probably be down in the Florida Keys right now. Here you are, on the first night of our arrival at the Islander Resort in Islamorada. We had dinner in the open air restaurant beside the pool, where I had chosen a salad, and you picked the hibiscus flower from my plate, and put it behind your ear.

Frank at the Islander

You look so sweet and innocent, twenty six years old, and not a care in the world. We looked after you, made sure you were safe, and tried to give you everything we could.

Beautiful memories.
Happy times.
Sadly no more.

Love you my darling Angel son.
xxx

Aug10

Home safely

Posted on August 10, 2015 by MeRaw

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Monday 10th August

We arrived home safely this afternoon, still with aches and pains in our calves and shoulders, but they are somewhat easing. We all feel a great sense of achievement, having done something positive, and special, in memory and in honour of you. I dearly hope you are proud of us. Smiling down on us all.

After dropping off my sister, we came to see you. We talked for quite some time, telling you about our weekend climb to the top of Mount Snowdon ~ but you knew all about that anyway, didn’t you? Because you came along too.

Your beautiful flowers

We tidied your graveside flowers, as the weather had been quite stormy since we’d been away. Even your sunflowers were still going strong. It’s good to be back close to you.