All the days



Thursday 3rd December

“Honestly, I spent today missing you,
And that is how I will probably spend tomorrow
And the day after that
And probably all the days after that too.”

It was on this date last year, the third of December, that you began your chemotherapy treatment; a most aggressive regime.
And I’ve been thinking about that a lot today.

Being away for the last week, sharing time with your brother in Spain and Portugal, I haven’t paid much attention to the radio, shops or news. Driving home from the airport today, and listening to the car radio, there is much talk of Christmas, and the playing of festive music; the stores are decorated with lights and trees; the countdown has begun.

But I’m just not looking forward to this time of year at all.
I don’t want to seem miserable and spoil it for others, but I would much rather disappear and come back in January.

I’m just missing you so much at the moment, with the festive season approaching. And coming back to the house, all quiet and empty, it’s such a change from when we all used to return after a holiday.

Thinking of you tonight.
Blowing kisses to heaven.
Love you forever.
Angel son.


I just miss you so much

27 responses »

  1. Your loss is so tragic and I am so very sorry. I wanted to tell you that each day I read your blog, I feel that your are here to teach us about the value of our children. Our special children are so vulnerable and so are we. It is never easy but you have a beautiful blog and I truly think it helps people understand how important our families are.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your kind message.
      It has been difficult to write, but is something I must do.
      Special needs children and adults need a voice; they need fighting for; and they need much patience, love, understanding and guidance.
      I feel so lost at the moment without my son, that this has become a means of keeping him close.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope everyone will understand that the holidays will never be the same for you again and will show compassion to you however you handle it. You aren’t spoiling anything by grieving and wanting to skip the holidays. There is nothing wrong with taking all the days you need, no matter how long, to feel your worst grief, even if others won’t understand. I hope you do what is best for you even if that means allowing your pain to be and not being in the holiday spirit. ❤ Much love to you and your family. This is a beautiful picture of your son! He has a light around him which shines through. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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