Monday 7th December
“What’s the matter?
I smile and say ‘Nothing’.
Then I turn around,
And whisper ‘Everything’.”
Nothing,
and Everything
Is the matter.
Both at the same time,
Or all at once,
Together.
I might be smiling,
But I’m missing you.
I may be laughing,
(is that allowed?),
And wishing you were here.
Right now.
I’m making plans
Except I’m leaving you out.
I’m still breathing
But you’re not.
Your photograph,
Wishing you’d spring to life.
So yes, Nothing.
And Everything.
What I would give
For Nothing to matter
And Everything
Back as it was.
………………………
Two hundred and seventy one days ago you gained your Angel wings.
It’s eight months today since your funeral.
Two hundred and forty four days since we laid you to rest in the cemetery that we visit on a daily basis.
Today we tidied up your resting place, removing your name structure, and the petunias. Time for a bit of a sweep up. There are so many leaves, twigs and branches being blown about; it was dry but incredibly windy.
There is still more to do, but we’ll be back tomorrow my sweetie, don’t worry.
……………………
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about my phone call this evening. My melanoma trials nurse rang to let me know the results of the CT scan I had a couple of weeks ago ~ all is clear, I’m NED again ~ No Evidence of Disease.
So Everything is ok.
Is it?
Nothing to worry about.
Would that that were true.
See you in six months time.
As I move into Year Three of the Combi-Ad trial.
I wish it had been this easy with you.
Nothing.
And
Everything.
You are my Everything, and Nothing will change that.
Loving you like Nothing else matters.
Missing Everything about you.
Forever young.
Sweet Angel son.
xxxxx
8th April 2015
8th April 2015
8th May 2015
8th June 2015
8th July 2015
6th August 2015 (On 8th August, we were climbing Snowdon for you.)
8th September 2015
8th October 2015
8th November 2015
Today
Today
The Journey of My Left Foot (whilst remembering my son) 
I like that you can write so well, not that it must be about your continuing grief
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Thank you.
x
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Hugs! ❤
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Thanks Bushka x
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There’s not much that comes close to losing a child. A beautiful poem that speaks volumes.
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Thank you.
Your words are much appreciated x
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Gorgeous and so glad all is well with you!
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Thanks Lynn x
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how are you holding up?
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Things are becoming more difficult as Christmas approaches. So many reminders and memories are all around.
But I won’t let him down, I’ll have him with me, and we’ll quietly celebrate together.
x
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yes I am glad dear xxx
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Yes, you can laugh. He’d want you too.
You can do whatever you want to do.
You can cry, you can wail,
Whatever it takes to nurture your frail.
You can question, you can ask,
For however long this pain lasts.
You can scream, you can yell,
Until you run out of stories to tell.
You can share, share with us all,
Show us how much it hurts to fall.
So thank you, thank you for You,
For sharing your heart, and being true.
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This is just beautiful.
Made me cry, it’s lovely.
Can I use it for my post today, so that more people are able to see it?
Many, many thanks xx
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As you please of course…. It’s yours
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Thank you so much x
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Pingback: My Article Read (12-8-2015) | My Daily Musing
I’m glad to hear that you are NED again, even though things are often difficult.
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Thank you.
It’s difficult to be as happy as I should, without my son being here.
I know I should be more grateful, but life is bittersweet right now.
x
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