Apr29

Things you did that made me smile

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Friday 29th April

Sometimes I really miss the things you did that made me smile.

I miss your impersonation of Beyoncé and wiggling to “Single Ladies”. You’d come into the room, ear plugs in, only wearing underwear, (you didn’t like the feel of clothing on your skin), holding your tablet, tuned into YouTube, and you’d be shaking your booty.
I wish I could see that now.

I miss going to bed at night, and unexpectedly finding two or three books shoved down the bedclothes, just in case I wanted a read in the middle of the night ~ it could have been Thomas the Tank, Star Trek or the Bible, depending on your mood.
I wish I could get into bed tonight and feel those books beneath the sheets.

I miss the little gifts you used to buy me from car boot sales: shiny jewellery, school books, dresses too big, shoes too small.
I wish you’d find something for me now.

I miss your voice saying “Good morning” or “Good night” or “What are we doing today?” You liked your routine, and needed the days mapped out for you.
I miss your laugh and giggles when something amused you.
I wish I could hear your voice now.

I miss your uncanny knack of being able to judge the passing of time, without being able to tell the time. When we’d go out, we would tell you to be in a certain place, (usually somewhere for food or a drink), and there you’d be, in exactly an hour, or two hours time. You’d wander off window shopping, or walking around a theme park, and without fail, you’d appear, bang on time.
I wish you’d turn up now.

I miss your amusing take on foreign languages, pretending you could speak fluently. You’d be the shouting Jamaican granny, waving her handbag around, (copying a strange lady we had come across in Tobago). Or you’d be the Scotsman commenting on the weather, full of “Och aye the noo”. Another day you’d be a little old Chinese lady, chasing her children around, or a Japanese samurai, practising martial arts, on us. Then you’d be a German, and every answer would be “Nein” or we would be “Schweinhund”, and you’d laugh at the literal translation of ‘pig dog’.
I wish I could hear your silly voices now.

I miss when you used to dress up and act like a drama queen. Sometimes you would put my clothes on, or try out my high heels. You looked ridiculous, but you really made us laugh. At school, you loved drama, and were in quite a few plays, dressing up as a genie, or as a master of ceremonies. Such fun you had.
I wish you’d come clip clopping into the lounge right now, wearing a pair of my shoes.

Your smiles, your laughs, your giggles, your cheekiness…….

I miss everything about you.
I wish you were here right now.
Love you so very much.
Darling Angel son.

xxxxxxx

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You at Primary School, dressed up as one of the three musketeers

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You and a fabulous feather boa

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As master of ceremonies at a drama presentation

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Taking charge of proceedings

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Messing about whilst out to dinner: "You must stop talking so much!"

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The beach this afternoon

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Love you forever darling boy

36 responses »

  3. I have been reduced to tears but it is OK. Your post is so beautiful and full of the love you continue to carry for your son. My heart reaches across the miles to hug yours and I know that even the angels are crying for your sadness and grief.Thank you for sharing such a huge part of yourself with us. May the memories never dim and may you know he is often near you. Hugs, Barbara

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  9. While I find this so heartbreaking, I also smiled while reading, imagining all the funny things and sweet things your son loved to do. His playful nature resonates with my own. I would have loved to see his funny dances and hear those silly voices. I love people who can be silly and laugh often. Your son sounds like a free spirit. What an amazing person! It’s so sweet that he would put books close by in case you wanted to read and buy you sweet gifts. Thank you for sharing the laughs and beauty here. ❤ Your pain must seem unbearable sometimes but your love and memories probably help give you strength.
    Hugs & love to you, always. ❤

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    • He really was a sweetie, but could also be very challenging at times. It’s what made him so complex and intense. We had such a strong relationship.
      And we miss that so very much.
      x

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