Category Archives: brain tumour

Nov13

Make me smile

Posted on November 13, 2016 by MeRaw

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Sunday 13th November

Sprinkle the night sky with stars

The brightest one is where you are.

Paint the ground with golden leaves

Easing pain as I continue to grieve.

Spray the grass with glistening dew

Like walking on diamonds close to you.

Scatter the sea with twinkling sunshine

Make me smile, dearest son of mine.

Love you sweetheart

My Starman Angel

xxxxxx

Porthmeor this afternoon

High tide in the harbour

Nov12

Today, tomorrow, forever, always

Posted on November 12, 2016 by MeRaw

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Saturday 12th November

Love you

Missing you

Thinking of you

Dreaming about you

Protecting your memory

Holding on to your smile

Remembering you every day

Holding you close to my heart

Today, tomorrow, forever, always.

My dearest, darling Angel

My bright, shining star

xxxxxx

Nov11

Hey

Posted on November 11, 2016 by MeRaw

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Friday 11th November

Leonard Cohen ~ Rest in Peace

“Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye”

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but now it’s come to distances and both of us must try,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.
I’m not looking for another as I wander in my time,
walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,
it’s just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea,
but let’s not talk of love or chains and things we can’t untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but let’s not talk of love or chains and things we can’t untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that’s no way to say goodbye.

This is one of my favourite tracks, from the album “Songs of Leonard Cohen” released in 1967, which I have on vinyl.

I love the line:

“You know my love goes with you

As your love stays with me”

It reminds me of you, so very much.

On this day, two years ago, you had your first surgery, a biopsy on your testicle, to check out a suspicious lump.

How I wish I could turn back the clock, fight for better, swifter treatment and demand scans sooner…..

Hindsight…..

If only…..

What if…..

I wish…..

I love you so much, my darling.

We stood beside you at 11:00 this morning, reflecting, remembering, sobbing.

My Angel son.

xxxxxx

Dressed in your hospital gown, awaiting surgery. Smaller pictures show after surgery, and the sunset driving home xx

As we walked away, a little after 11:00, there were suddenly a myriad of kisses in the sky

Was that you, my sweetie?

Blowing kisses from heaven?

Nov10

A wave

Posted on November 10, 2016 by MeRaw

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Thursday 10th November

A wave from my Angel

Means so much

But hurts so bad

You were so happy

I must remember that

But I still feel sad

A smiling, happy face

On many photographs

Of great times we had

Protecting your memory

Is what I now do

And the life we had

Looking up at me

As I look down on you

Love you so much, my lad

xxxxxx

Universal Studios, Orlando, August 2011

A wave from my Angel

Nov9

Every. Single. Morning.

Posted on November 9, 2016 by MeRaw

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Wednesday 9th November

Waking up every morning

To the fact that you’re not here

Every. Single. Morning.

The pain will never disappear.

Nothing will ever change

You’re just not coming back

Every. Single. Morning.

Emptiness is my soundtrack.

I love you so very much

At your photograph I smile

Every. Single. Morning.

Stopping to reflect awhile.

I wonder over the unsaid words

What you might have become

Every. Single. Morning.

I miss you, my darling son.

xxxxxx

Nov8

きらきらぼし Kira Kira

Posted on November 8, 2016 by MeRaw

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Tuesday 8th November

You were five years old in 1990 when you began primary school in Australia; quite a difficult time, you did take a while to settle and feel comfortable in these new surroundings. You began with morning only sessions, and I would come and pick you up at lunchtime, then after a few months, you stayed at school all day, taking part in every activity.

Even in primary school, a foreign language was introduced, and as Japan was one of Australia’s largest trading partners, a rich cultural exchange existed within education. You loved nonsense sounds, and to you, the Japanese spoken word sounded funny and amusing.

Miss Fujiwara was your Japanese teacher, and you loved lessons with her. There was also a little girl in class called Nanako, from Japan too, who was quite shy and awkward, a little like you.

One of your tasks during the term was to learn the words of ‘Twinkle twinkle little star’, in Japanese. You were quite good at this, and learnt the rhyme off by heart.

Kira kira hikaru

きらきらひかる
Kira kira hikaru
おそらのほしよ
Osora no hoshi yo
まばたきしては
Mabataki shitewa
みんなをみてる
Minna o miteru
きらきらひかる
Kira kira hikaru
おそらのほしよ
Osora no hoshi yo

And you are my bright and twinkling star, up there beyond the clouds, close to the moon, flying gracefully with your Angel wings.

Such a sweet and innocent nursery rhyme that brings back memories of happy, family times. Watching you and your brother growing up, learning the ways of the world, making friends, having fun in a foreign, but oh so friendly country.

Fly high my Starman

Love you forever

Always have

Always will.

xxxxxx