Category Archives: brain tumour

Sep28

Two hundred days in Heaven

Posted on September 28, 2015 by MeRaw

Monday 28th September

Two hundred days ago you gained your Angel wings.
There is not a day that goes by when I don’t think of you.
It only seems like yesterday.

We brought Nan to visit with you today. We have moved her into a care home much closer, so that hopefully her friends will be able to visit more frequently. And of course, she can come and see you too.
Today she was upset though. She loved you so very much. And she misses you.
We all do.

Your sunshine sunflowers are looking beautiful in the back garden, my little sunbeam. You would be so proud of how well they’ve grown. “The tallest sunflowers in the world”. That’s what you had planned.
If only you were here to see them.
Can you look down and smile?

Two hundred days.

Love you forever.
Missing you constantly.
Thinking of you always.
My sweetest sunshine Angel.
xxxxx

One of your sunflowers in the back garden.

Cemetery sunshine

Your flowers today

Sep27

Just close your eyes

Posted on September 27, 2015 by MeRaw

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Sunday 27th September

“Close your eyes and touch your heart.
That heartbeat you feel is yours and mine.
Together we will always shine.
I am not gone, I have only changed.
When you wish for me to be there,
Just close your eyes and feel me near.
…………… Your Angel.”

Such lovely words.
Do I believe them?
I have to.
That’s all I have.
Hope.
Faith.
That you are with me.

Love you forever sweetie pie.
xxxxx

Sep26

Never more than a thought away

Posted on September 26, 2015 by MeRaw

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Saturday 26th September

“Those we love
can never be more
than a
thought away…
for as long as there’s
a memory
they live in our
hearts to stay.”

And you, my darling son, are never, ever more than a thought away…
Whatever we are doing…
Wherever we may be…
Whoever we are with…
Whatever time of day…
You are always with us, close by, in our hearts and minds, in our heads and thoughts.
We miss your physical presence enormously; your voice, your laughter, your cheekiness, your routines.
Every single thing about you.

Fly high my beloved Angel son
xxxxx

Sep25

Time slips by

Posted on September 25, 2015 by MeRaw

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Friday 25th September

“Time slips by and life goes on,
but from our hearts
you’re never gone.
We think about you always,
we talk about you too,
We have so many memories
but we wish we still had you.”

I don’t know what it was today, but a memory of you came into my head.
You and dogs.
Growing up, you were terrified of dogs.
Whilst walking in the town, if a dog on a lead came towards you, you would choose to walk out in the road than actively stay on the pavement. I had to grab you quickly in case there was any traffic driving along. You would hide behind me, clutching onto my clothing. You really didn’t like the way dogs sometimes became over-excited, jumped up or noisily barked. You found that frightening and quite scary.

Slowly, though, as you grew older, you began to tolerate dogs; the ones belonging to your auntie and our next door neighbour’s. You might spend a while petting them, and you certainly didn’t run away from them anymore.

You did like the dog at the stables where you used to ride. In this photograph you look so peaceful and pensive. Not a care in the world, with no inkling of what was around the corner for you.

The dog from the stables

We love you so much.
We miss you every single day.
I’m sure the stable dog is missing you too.

Sending you kisses and cuddles.
Sweet Angel son xxxx

Sep24

You’re still with us

Posted on September 24, 2015 by MeRaw

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Thursday 24th September

“If I listen closely
I can hear the rustle
of Angels’ wings
And I know that
You’re still with us…”

So true, my darling.

Sending hugs and kisses,
Love and light.
Missing you as always
As I look up to the sky tonight.
xxxx

Sep23

I miss you

Posted on September 23, 2015 by MeRaw

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Wednesday 23rd September

I miss you.
Plain and simple.

In everything I do.
In everything you did.

We have to continue.
You remain forever young.

We age.
You stay the same.

Time moves on.
For you it stands still.

Our hearts continue to beat.
Yours is silent.

Memories are all I have.
Beautiful and oh so precious.

And still I miss you.
That will never, ever change.

Love you forever.
Angel son in heaven.

xxxxx

Sep22

I am with you still

Posted on September 22, 2015 by MeRaw

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Tuesday 22nd September

“I am with you still.”

Such beautiful words, and would that they were true; then everything might be perfect.

I’m missing you today, so very much.
Love you forever.
xxxx

Sep21

New flowers and a butterfly

Posted on September 21, 2015 by MeRaw

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Monday 21st September

We are now on the third crop of sunflowers from your packet of seeds. Although not growing atop such massively sturdy stems as the first ones, today’s batch were still beautiful.

We are going to dry out those we took away today, and see if they will produce their own new seeds. I don’t know if the bumble bees have pollinated them enough. Or if that is actually what they are supposed to do.

Anyway we took four new sunflowers to you, this afternoon, and replaced all the other flowers. Carnations and gladioli seem to last a good long while, as long as they are given sufficient water.

Just as I had finished with your display, a small brown fritillary butterfly alighted on a stone near to me.
Were you passing by to check up on me?
Were you looking at your new sunflowers today?

We miss you my darling.
We love you so very much.
Blowing butterfly kisses to Heaven.
Precious Angel son xxxx

Sep20

Broken hearts

Posted on September 20, 2015 by MeRaw

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Sunday 20th September

“We miss you more than anyone knows
As time goes by the emptiness grows.

We laugh. We talk. We play our part.
But behind our smiles are broken hearts.”

As soon as we step outside of the front door, a mask comes down over our faces. We are now different people from those which we portray in private.

Keeping emotions and feelings in check is hard. We don’t want to ‘break down’ in public, or be seen to be weak.

We do try and talk about you with smiles on our faces, but inside, beneath that mask, we are falling to bits.
Grief certainly is the price we pay for love.

Quite often, when we visit your graveside, that is when the tears fall, when no one else is around, where all is quite and peaceful. There, we can talk to you, ask you questions, remember and reminisce.

In our garden, watching your sunflowers grow is another place where we talk to you, wishing you could see those “tallest sunflowers in the world”. Tears flow here too, knowing that these flowers came from the seed packet you bought four days before you gained your Angel wings. I smile at the flowers, but inside my heart really is breaking. You should be standing next to me, looking up at the row of plants.

Our lives have changed so much.
We had thirty amazing years with you, and now it all seems massively empty.

We miss you sweetheart.
Remembering all the good times.
And there were so, so many.
We love you forever.
xxxx

One of your sunflowers

Still growing, oh so tall

Sep19

Feathers appear

Posted on September 19, 2015 by MeRaw

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Saturday 19th September

“Feathers appear
when
angels are near.”

I woke up this morning, pushed back the covers, and saw a little white feather threaded through the top sheet, just by my face.
I hadn’t seen it previously.
Yes, I know it probably worked its way out of the duvet or the pillow, but it was as if you were there to say ‘Good morning’ to me.

That was one thing you’d always do; come into our bedroom, say ‘Good morning’, followed by ‘What are we going to do, today?’
And I so miss that start to the day: your early morning greeting, with a kiss and a cuddle.

Do feathers signify the presence of Angels?
Are you my Guardian Angel, watching over me?
Were you there this morning?

Sweet little Angel of mine.
Love you so very much.
Beloved son xxxx