Wednesday 25th May
Flying high my sweetheart
Leaving Angel dust sparkles
Wherever your wings take you.
Sunbeams and shards of light
Finding a way through the leaves
Dappling, dancing with shadows.
In all the sunsets and sunrises
When the stars shine so brightly
That’s when I know you’re there.
Love you forever
My precious Starman
Beloved Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Morning coffee and a view of the harbour
Tuesday 24th May
Grief
A silence that screams so loudly
A pain that hurts so invisibly
An existence that is so lonely
An emotion that confuses so easily
A realisation that hits so tragically
Grief
An emptiness that can’t be filled
A reality that is forever damaged
A question that can’t be answered
A loss that won’t be replaced
Grief
A missing that will be eternal
A broken heart that can’t be fixed
A future that now will never be
A journey that takes a new path
Grief
A love that is everlasting
A life that won’t be forgotten
An Angel that is my son.
Love you sweetheart.
xxxxxxx
Monday 23rd May
I write about you……….
because I love you
because I miss you
because I’m proud of you
because I’ll always love you
because we had so much fun
because you meant everything
because you’re here in my heart
because I want to share my grief
because I need to keep remembering
because I’m living with the love you left.
Love you today, tomorrow, forever.
My darling boy.
Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Down to the sea........
Sunday 22nd May
In the middle of a moment
of happiness
Devastating pain waits silently
in the shadows.
Normalcy is turned upside down
in a few fleeting seconds.
A smile and carefree thought
frozen, smashed.
You were here, you’re not here
but you are here.
In a flash of chaos and turmoil
grief overwhelms.
It will always be there constantly
in the background.
Are you adept enough to
throw on the mask?
Did anyone else catch the
heartbreaking instant
When the sparkle turns dull
and tears well up?
It will be those many memories
that ease the sorrow
The remembered smiles and fun
the good times.
So fortunate that you existed
were part of our lives.
Such powerful emotions flow
from intense love.
And we do love you so very much.
We miss you everyday.
Beloved Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Saturday 21st May
I’ll keep on keeping on
Wearing the mask to hide the pain
I’ll keep on keeping on
Hiding my tears that fall like rain
I’ll keep on keeping on
Pretending that all is fine and ok
I’ll keep on keeping on
Trying to smile when all seems grey
I’ll keep on keeping on
Feeling so very sad that you’re gone
I’ll keep on keeping on
Because in my heart you’ll live on
I’ll keep on keeping on
Thinking of you in heaven above
I’ll keep on keeping on
Remembering you with so much love
Dearest Angel son
xxxxxxx
A dull and grey afternoon
Friday 20th May
Thoughts of you
Fill my head
Like millions
Of sparkling
Diamonds
In the darkest
Night time sky
So precious
Cherished and
Treasured
Twinkling, shining
The brightest star
That’s you
My Starman
Flying high tonight.
Love you sweetheart
Beloved Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Thursday 19th May
I love mummy
Love from Frank.
And I love you
Love from mummy.
Now and forever
Dearest darling son
A note from you that I found today, whilst tidying out some drawers
Such a sweet note
That made me cry.
To the moon and back
And all around the world.
Love you so much
My Angel Starman.
xxxxxxx
Wednesday 18th May
Remembering you
Is what I do.
A tear may fall
But love stands tall.
Memories I hold
Precious like gold.
A smile and kiss
It’s you I miss.
Love you forever
Sweet little treasure
Darling Angel son
Always forever young.
xxxxxxx
Pondering.......with a hint of a smile. Key West August 2010
Windy on Porthmeor Beach
Calmer in the harbour
Tuesday 17th May
Today I went for the Month 30 set of appointments as part of my participation in the clinical trial, Combi-Ad. This is a double-blind, adjuvant treatment, for patients with Stage 3 malignant melanoma.
(Three years ago today I had a second operation to take a wider excision around the offending alien blob on my left foot, having been told the tumour was malignant. I also had a skin graft from my thigh placed over the large wound.)
So, today I started off with a visit to my consultant dermatologist, who confirmed that the minor surgery I had had in February, following my previous visit, had successfully removed a basal cell carcinoma. No more to worry about, as far as that was concerned.
She did though, decide to ‘zap’ a few seborrhoeic keratoses ~ basal cell papillomas ~ sometimes worryingly called ‘senile warts’. Oh dear.
Using a pressurised spray of liquid nitrogen, I was uncomfortable for a few seconds, with a promise that these offending blobs would fall off presently. Happy days.
It was then off to a second hospital for an appointment with my trials nurse for bloods and observations.
I found out here that I should have received notification of a CT scan, but none had been forthcoming. A scan will be carried out at another hospital, closer to home, within the next week or so. A scan is part of the trial protocol, to check for the possibility of spread of tumours, so it is imperative that I have this carried out.
I think over the last thirty months I have had twenty CT scans. So many more than normal, but it is what the trial requires. Radioactive, moi?
My final appointment of the day was with my oncologist. All is good so far, no worries, no problems; we’ll just have to wait upon the results of the scan.
We stopped in at your resting place before we arrived at home, at the end of a long day. We had to check that you were ok: the rain had begun, but your flowers were still looking fresh. We talked with you, letting you know how the day had gone for us. Many times you had accompanied me on my hospital visits, asking questions of the nurses, looking around the newsagents, reading magazines in the waiting rooms.
We miss you so very much.
Love you sweetheart.
Precious Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Three years ago today. Wider excision of alien blob, plus skin graft, resulting in lower leg encased in plaster.
Monday 16th May
It wasn’t always sweetness and light
Sometimes you’d lash out and fight.
There were lows, but many more highs
Lots of laughs, mixed with some cries.
A complex character, filled with love
Someone we were so very proud of.
We cared for you, and protected you
Trying as best as we were able to do.
A relationship unbelievably intense
Our affection for you, just immense.
Coming to terms with your passing
We’ll strive, with our love, everlasting.
Love you forever my beloved Angel.
Flying high, my darling Starman.
xxxxxxx
Love you baby xx
The Journey of My Left Foot (whilst remembering my son) 