Thursday 19th May
I love mummy
Love from Frank.
And I love you
Love from mummy.
Now and forever
Dearest darling son
A note from you that I found today, whilst tidying out some drawers
Such a sweet note
That made me cry.
To the moon and back
And all around the world.
Love you so much
My Angel Starman.
xxxxxxx
Wednesday 18th May
Remembering you
Is what I do.
A tear may fall
But love stands tall.
Memories I hold
Precious like gold.
A smile and kiss
It’s you I miss.
Love you forever
Sweet little treasure
Darling Angel son
Always forever young.
xxxxxxx
Pondering.......with a hint of a smile. Key West August 2010
Windy on Porthmeor Beach
Calmer in the harbour
Tuesday 17th May
Today I went for the Month 30 set of appointments as part of my participation in the clinical trial, Combi-Ad. This is a double-blind, adjuvant treatment, for patients with Stage 3 malignant melanoma.
(Three years ago today I had a second operation to take a wider excision around the offending alien blob on my left foot, having been told the tumour was malignant. I also had a skin graft from my thigh placed over the large wound.)
So, today I started off with a visit to my consultant dermatologist, who confirmed that the minor surgery I had had in February, following my previous visit, had successfully removed a basal cell carcinoma. No more to worry about, as far as that was concerned.
She did though, decide to ‘zap’ a few seborrhoeic keratoses ~ basal cell papillomas ~ sometimes worryingly called ‘senile warts’. Oh dear.
Using a pressurised spray of liquid nitrogen, I was uncomfortable for a few seconds, with a promise that these offending blobs would fall off presently. Happy days.
It was then off to a second hospital for an appointment with my trials nurse for bloods and observations.
I found out here that I should have received notification of a CT scan, but none had been forthcoming. A scan will be carried out at another hospital, closer to home, within the next week or so. A scan is part of the trial protocol, to check for the possibility of spread of tumours, so it is imperative that I have this carried out.
I think over the last thirty months I have had twenty CT scans. So many more than normal, but it is what the trial requires. Radioactive, moi?
My final appointment of the day was with my oncologist. All is good so far, no worries, no problems; we’ll just have to wait upon the results of the scan.
We stopped in at your resting place before we arrived at home, at the end of a long day. We had to check that you were ok: the rain had begun, but your flowers were still looking fresh. We talked with you, letting you know how the day had gone for us. Many times you had accompanied me on my hospital visits, asking questions of the nurses, looking around the newsagents, reading magazines in the waiting rooms.
We miss you so very much.
Love you sweetheart.
Precious Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Three years ago today. Wider excision of alien blob, plus skin graft, resulting in lower leg encased in plaster.
Monday 16th May
It wasn’t always sweetness and light
Sometimes you’d lash out and fight.
There were lows, but many more highs
Lots of laughs, mixed with some cries.
A complex character, filled with love
Someone we were so very proud of.
We cared for you, and protected you
Trying as best as we were able to do.
A relationship unbelievably intense
Our affection for you, just immense.
Coming to terms with your passing
We’ll strive, with our love, everlasting.
Love you forever my beloved Angel.
Flying high, my darling Starman.
xxxxxxx
Love you baby xx
Sunday 15th May
The sparkling blue sea
Brings a smile to me
For I know you would be
Quite content and happy.
From pain you’re set free
You’ve been given the key.
But we did not foresee
This is now, reality
You’re forever aged thirty.
Life has no guarantee
No promise of immortality
But we thought you’d be
Here for longer, sweetpea.
Love you my Angel.
Blowing kisses to heaven
Across the sparkling sea.
xxxxxxx
Harbour and mid-air seagull
Porthgwidden from The Island
Porthgwidden
The sparkling blue sea at Bamaluz
The lifeboat, just before the naming ceremony. The Nora Stachura
Your lilies still looking beautiful
Saturday 14th May
A tiny robin came to visit today
As we had our afternoon coffee,
Chirping, pecking beneath chairs.
So, was that you, my little softie?
An Angel disguised as a robin,
Skittering across the wood floor.
Staying for a while, it flew to the rail
Taking flight over the seashore.
A sign from you letting us know
That you were near and close by.
You’re all around us, all the time,
Today, with the robin, we identify.
Missing you sweetheart.
Love you forever.
Precious Angel son.
Fly high little robin.
xxxxxxx
The Food and Drink Festival on the beach ~ our view with coffee
Our little robin visitor
The harbour through the trees
Porthminster Beach through the trees
Porthminster
Friday 13th May
The lighthouse brightly shines its beam
Across the darkening sea to the shore
Lighting a safe path for those lost souls
Guiding them safely home once more.
Your own twinkling star is like a beacon
As I look longingly to the heavens above
I hope you are smiling from way up high
For I send kisses and so much love.
I wish you could follow the luminous ray
Flashing forth from the rusty structure
Back to our arms, we can hold you tight
As if it were a life-giving sculpture.
So, just as that lighthouse stands tall
Radiating its brilliance for all to see
You too must illuminate the night skies
My precious little Starman flying free.
Sweetheart Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Boats at low tide in the harbour
The lighthouse on Smeaton's Pier
Thursday 22th May
I wonder
I wonder what you’d be like.
Today, tomorrow
Next week, month, year.
I wonder what you’d be like
If you were still here.
The knowing
It’s the knowing that no more
Memories, experiences
Will ever be made again.
Fun times together
No longer ours to entertain.
I hurt
I hurt because you’re not here.
The shock of what happened
And, much more importantly
Of what now, never will,
Has changed our lives markedly.
I love you
I love you my darling Angel.
Today, tomorrow
Next week, month, year.
I love you my darling Angel
Continuing to hold you dear.
xxxxxxx
Foggy again across the harbour
Foggy town
Wednesday 11th may
My grief story…….
Will be the story I keep telling
Through tears, smiles
And everything else in between.
The depth of my pain
Will mostly be hidden.
Reading betwixt the lines
Would be like lifting the mask
And seeing and feeling
The desolation beneath.
Missing you sweetheart.
Love you forever, Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Love you my Angel
Such a foggy day over Man's Head
Tuesday 10th May
Love you, love you
Love you I do.
Why can’t you be here
And sit with me too?
Hold you, hold you
Hold you I would.
I’d never let go
It’d just be so good.
Miss you, miss you
Miss you so much.
Holding your hand
Feeling your touch.
I cry, I cry
I cry most days.
Tears flow easily
In so many ways.
I stand, I stand
I stand by your grave.
Trying so hard
To be strong and brave.
I know, I know
I know there’s no pain.
Just want you here
To cuddle again.
Fly high, fly high
Fly high my starman.
To the moon and beyond
Soar as long as you can.
xxxxxxx
The Journey of My Left Foot (whilst remembering my son) 