Monthly Archives: January 2016

Jan21

Love lived first

Posted on January 21, 2016 by MeRaw

Thursday 21st January

“grief only exists
where love lived
first”

Every morning when I awake
I look upon your smiling face.
Your photograph is close to me.
But all I feel is an empty space.

Excitement is not what it was.
Grief is always in the shadows,
Biding its time before a strike,
Where and when, no one knows.

The pain stops you in your tracks.
In the midst of cheerfulness: boom.
Painful emotions and floods of tears,
Fill the atmosphere with gloom.

Yet, the anguish is there for a reason.
Our love for you was so immense,
Your loss is just so indescribable,
Our love was unbelievably intense.

So, every night before I close my eyes
I look upon your smiling face.
Your photograph looks back at me
Sending love from a higher place.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Love you baby.
Missing you so much.

Another Thursday.
Forty five weeks.
Three hundred and fifteen days.

Precious Angel son
xxxxxxxxx

Jan20

Special moments

Posted on January 20, 2016 by MeRaw

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Wednesday 20th January

        “Memories
are special moments
        that tell our
              Story”

And don’t we have wonderful stories to tell and to share?

You and your brother were lucky enough to spend two years in Australia when you were young. It was like living in a travel and nature documentary. The flora and fauna were absolutely spectacular.
Birds, animals, fish, reptiles and even insects that we’d only ever seen in picture books or on the television, now became almost an everyday sighting.

Then there was the scenery: the marvellous beaches, wonderful rainforests, snowy mountains, arid bush, and magnificent barrier reef.

In April 1991 we decided to take a holiday and explore the Great Ocean Road, along the south east coast of Victoria. The scenic highway meanders along clifftops with splendid views of the limestone sea-stacks, gorges, blow-holes, surfing beaches and grottos. Such a breathtakingly beautiful route.

We stopped at Bells Beach, near Torquay where Point Break had been filmed; we stayed overnight at Port Campbell, just after the famous Twelve Apostles; we walked around Loch Ard Gorge and saw the London Bridge Arch; had a little car trouble at Warrnambool, where the transmission fluid had to be changed; and continued into South Australia to explore Mount Gambier.

Along the Great Ocean Road

The Twelve Apostles

Look at you, mischievously trying to dip your foot in the water....

Loch Ard Gorge

In front of the Twelve Apostles

You both loved to travel, take in new experiences, meet people, try new foods, and develop a curiosity for the world around you.
We were very lucky to explore so much of Australia, and give you an education that was just so special and unique.

And these special moments are now my memories, that tell your story.

Love you my darling.
Missing you every day.
Beloved Angel son.
xxx xxx

Jan19

Every child is an artist

Posted on January 19, 2016 by MeRaw

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Tuesday 19th January

“Every child is an artist”

I came across a couple photographs of you, painting, in your arts and crafts sessions. You loved to scribble, draw, colour and paint. I think you found it relaxing and enjoyable.

Painting a rainbow

Glass painting

A decorated ceramic F

A tie die pillowcase you made

Sweetheart

Frank standing on his rainbow

Standing in front of your artwork

Your artwork on display

So there we are, a small selection of your artwork. Very primitive and childlike, but they’re yours and you had fun being creative.
I really must collate your many drawings and paintings.

Anyway, yesterday was a bit of a daze:
Your first heavenly birthday.
I felt as though I got through, just barely.
I functioned, but wasn’t really aware.
I thought about you all the time.
Thirty birthdays we celebrated together.
Such fun we had, now just memories.

Love you forever.
Missing you always.
Precious Angel son.
xxxxx

Jan18

Your birthday in heaven

Posted on January 18, 2016 by MeRaw

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Monday 18th January

Today we celebrate your birthday
But no gifts will be unwrapped by you.
No joyful sounds of excitement,
No special days out like we used to do.

We’re remembering all the good times
Such adventures we had together.
It was just so truly wonderful,
Seeing your face fill up with pleasure.

Parties, bowling, the theatre, swimming
Recalling thirty birthdays filled with fun.
But now that you’re up in heaven,
This will be a very sad and different one.

We’ve bought you some little presents
A Thomas the Tank, Darth Vader too.
Childhood toys that meant so much,
With very special memories of you.

We love you so much my darling
Wish you were here with us today.
It’s the first time you’re in heaven
That you celebrate your birthday.

So we stop for a few moments
Looking up to the clouds and sky.
Just hoping you can see us all
Sending kisses to you on high.

So, it’s happy birthday lovely boy
You’ll always be forever young.
Missing you so very much today
Our dearest Frank, beloved son.

18.1.1985 – 12.3.2015

Love you forever.
xxx xxx

The black cat visited you on your birthday x

Jan17

Skateboarding

Posted on January 17, 2016 by MeRaw

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Sunday 17th January

Your brother is in southern Spain with his girlfriend right now, staying in her grandmother’s house on the coast.
I had packaged up and sent out a skateboard to him and they sent this photo to answer my question about whether the parcel had arrived safely.

Hmmmm, twenty eight years old and still skateboarding.
Oh well.

I think we gave you both your first skateboards for Christmas in 1990, when we were living in Australia.
You were five and your brother was three years old.
You weren’t too sure of this mode of transport, but your brother developed quite a flair for it.

You, standing on the skateboard, being pushed by your brother. December 1990.

When we returned home to England two years later, the skateboards came too.
You used to like sitting on top, rolling down the garden path, sometimes crashing into the back door.

You and Nan rolling down the garden path

Skateboarding down the path with Nan

Such fun you had.
Grinning and laughing.
Again and again.
Up and down the path.

I miss your laughter so much.
Love you sweetie.
Angel son.
xxx

Jan16

In my heart

Posted on January 16, 2016 by MeRaw

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Saturday 16th January

“and tonight,
I’ll fall asleep with
you in my heart.”

When I do fall asleep tonight,
I know you’re there in my heart.
For that is where I care for you,
So we’ll never, ever be apart.

In the silent sadness of my dream,
You appear with hands held out.
A great big smile, twinkling eyes,
You’re with me, I have no doubt.

Our hearts beat with each other,
Together again is where we’ll be.
My sleepy head upon the pillow,
I’ll be loving you, unconditionally.

I miss you, my Angel.
Love you forever.
Beloved son.
xxxxx

Jan15

Snow Angel

Posted on January 15, 2016 by MeRaw

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Friday 15th January

“The snow is crisp
The stars are bright.
I spread my arms and I take flight.
Wings fluttering as I fly,
up into the evening sky.”

As the temperatures fall, and reports of snow are given on the news channels, I am reminded of your first time playing outside in the white stuff.

You were two years old, it was 1987 and we were living in Devon.
One morning we woke up to find the garden was covered in snow.
You had such a lovely time touching, squeezing and stamping footprints on the ground.
A beautiful smile lit up your face: you were mesmerised by this new experience.

You are my Angel snow baby.
Flying high in the evening sky.
I love you sweetheart.
I miss you so very much.

xxxxx

Jan14

In the clouds

Posted on January 14, 2016 by MeRaw

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Thursday 14th January

“and I will see you
someday again in
the clouds.”

These were the clouds and blue skies over the harbour this afternoon.
A pretty day, with chilly, biting winds.
Could you see me looking up, for you?
Were you looking down, for me?
I miss you so very much.
I really wish you were here.

Love you Angel.
Dearest son.
xxxx