Sunday 6th March
On this date, last year, (it was a Friday), you had your penultimate infusion of chemotherapy. It was a day case appointment, finishing late afternoon.
You were so close to completing the treatment.
On the way home, it was your choice to stop at a fish and chip restaurant for dinner.
And, you ordered sweet and sour chicken! Now there’s a choice.
You did eat most of it.
For dessert you had a jelly and ice cream sundae. It looked good, but if I remember, you couldn’t finish all of it.
You didn’t look unwell, ill or like someone deteriorating. You weren’t struggling. Yes, you were tired; the chemotherapy treatment made you want to sleep for most of the day.
The last photographs of you: such a happy, contented face.
Who knew you only had barely a week?
And our lives would change forever.
I wish I could turn back time.
I wish things had been different.
I wish I could have done something.
I wish I could have saved you.
I am missing you so much.
I remember what was.
I think of what could have been.
I know how close you were to finishing the aggressive treatment regime.
I think of everything you went through, and am so sad that you’re not here now.
You didn’t deserve this.
I’ll love you forever, my dearest, darling Angel son.