Sunday 13th March
“Some people care too much.
I think that’s called love.”
~ Winnie the Pooh
On this morning, last year, we awoke to a still, empty, quiet, lifeless, joyless house.
We hadn’t really slept, just managed a few fitful naps, between the sobs and complete disbelief as to what had just happened to our family.
This is what I had written for 13th March 2015. It is the first time I have re-read it since that day……..
“Empty. Numb. Heartbroken. Lost.
Our son is gone.
The house is quiet.
But everywhere there are reminders of him.
Not least the Get Well cards, 30th Birthday cards, and soon to be joined by the sympathy cards.
Mid-morning there is a knock on the door. It is the postman.
There is a box containing a bouquet of pink and white carnations.
My son had arranged with my mother-in-law to have them sent for Mother’s Day.
A card inside says With Love from him.
This is just unbelievably heartbreaking.
The last thing he did for me.
And here they are, the morning after he went to heaven.
Why him? Why now? Why this ending?
He still had so much to do.
He was planning our summer holiday.
He was thinking of our trip to London to have afternoon tea at the Ritz Hotel, to be followed by a trip to the London Dungeons.
Today was Day 100 of his chemotherapy.
It would have been finished this afternoon.
We were going to celebrate.
He was quite looking forward to visiting the nurses one last time.
But it was not to be.
He didn’t quite make it.
I still see his little face looking up at me.
I still feel his tiny hand clasped in mine.
My son. My child. My baby.
Taken far too soon.
What a massive void he has left behind.
He was so caring, loving, polite, but cheeky too, and a scamp at times.
He had a wicked sense of humour, and delivered some great put-downs!
He is in my heart forever.
An angel in heaven.
Happy, pain free, and watching over us.
I love you so, so much.
To the moon and back.
Love you more.
And all the world.
Sleep tight my darling boy.”
Today and yesterday have been difficult, filled with so many emotions and such unbelievable sadness.
That date in the calendar: the lead up to it; the date itself; the morning after…… yes, it’s just a date, but it will forever remain as the day you left us, and went to heaven.
And it will always be close to Mother’s Day, as well.
The twelfth of March.
I miss you so very much.
I love you with all my heart.
Beloved Angel son.