Thursday 21st July
A tear may fall
A memory recall.
Heart is broken
Words unspoken.
Life has changed
Future rearranged.
That my son is gone
It’s hard carrying on.
Missing you sweetheart
Life falling apart.
Keeping your soul alive
Your spirit will survive.
Love for you is strong
In my heart, you belong.
xxxxxx
Wednesday 20th July
Beautiful blue eyes
My little Angel boy
A perfect sweetheart
Bringing so much joy.
Such an innocent time
Of hugs, laughter and fun
With so much to live for
Dearest, darling one.
Just eighteen months old
Learning to walk and read
A curious disposition
A lovely smile indeed.
Missing you so much
Thinking of you daily
Love you forever
Precious Angel baby.
xxxxxx
Beautiful blue eyes
My little Angel boy
Bringing so much joy
Tuesday 19th July
Love
Love you
Love you more
Love you forever
Love you all the world
Love you with all my heart
Love you to the moon and back
Love you with all my heart
Love you all the world
Love you forever
Love you more
Love you
Love
Shine on
Fly high
Starman
Angel son
xxxxxx
Monday 18th July
Today I have officially retired from school.
I joined on 1st May 1995, as a part-time teacher of mathematics, and soon added IT (computer science) to my timetable.
I have had an amazing twenty plus years, teaching hundreds of students: an Olympic gold medallist, team GB triathlete, gymnasts, cross country runners. Musicians, actors, singers and dancers. A veteran of Afghanistan, tank commander, boxer, RAF pilots, glider pilots, commercial airline pilots, Royal Navy helicopter engineers, Merchant Navy captains. Teachers, doctors, nurses, accountants, lawyers, paramedics. A scientist working on the Hadron Collider in Cern. Hairdressers, tattooists, nail technicians and bodybuilders. A world class barista. Photographers, healthcare assistants, veterinary workers, retail, hotels, estate agents. Many, many occupations. And of course, some students have gone on to be parents themselves, and I was teaching their children. It’s then that you feel a bit old.
I was so very fortunate to represent the school on three occasions, visiting America. The first time was with a group of teachers, travelling to Cape Canaveral, hosted by NASA, working with educators, space scientists and astronauts. Incredible.
The second trip was to Lubbock, Texas, being guests of a school district, looking at discipline and character. Fascinating.
Finally, to Huntsville, Alabama, taking a group of students to Space Camp. Outstanding.
I became a SWIFT Platinum Trainer, enabling teachers to use IT effectively.
I started up an after school Study Group, with a government grant.
Carrying out research on the student’s use of interactive whiteboards, which was then published in the Secondary National Strategy.
Introduction of a Virtual Learning Environment.
I also used video conferencing with students for a simulated Mission to Mars, linking up with the National Space Centre in Nottingham. I also video conferenced lessons to local primary schools.
One year I presented a workshop at the Regional IT Conference, and the following year, VC’d with a group of students, giving feedback to teachers at the conference.
For ten years, I took groups of students, in the summer term, to the beach, to learn to surf, as part of Activity Week.
I enjoyed teaching my subjects, watching the students succeed and getting pleasure from gaining new knowledge.
A wonderful two decades, filled with hard work, fun, opportunities and personal development.
During the last few years, due to circumstances, my time in the classroom was much reduced. And so the time was right to retire.
A wonderful speech given by the head teacher, followed by presentation of a bouquet of roses and lillies, a bottle of champagne, and a micro:bit computer, complete with worksheet, wrapped up the afternoon. Perfect.
I will miss my life as a teacher.
Thinking of you sweetheart, as always.
Love you so much.
Dearest Angel son.
xxxxxx
Retirement Day
Sunday 17th July
Another day has come and gone
And time is moving slowly on.
Nothing will ever be the same
Knowing we won’t see you again.
Treasured memories we will keep
Whilst you peacefully sleep.
Love you forever
Forget you never.
Precious Angel son
Now forever young.
xxxxxx
Beach full of holidaymakers this afternoon
Saturday 16th July
“There used to be so many
Of my fingerprints to see
On furniture and walls and things
From sticky grubby me
But if you stop and think awhile
You’ll see I’m growing fast
Those little handprints disappear
You can’t bring back what’s passed.
So here’s a small reminder
To keep not wipe away
Of tiny hands and how they looked
To make you smile someday.”
We came across this framed collage of you and your brothers’ handprints today, along with your photographs.
It did make me smile, wistfully, as I remembered the pair of you, when you were small. You were nearly three years old, and your brother almost one.
Your hands were quite slender, but your brother’s handprint was quite chubby.
You and your brother, and handprints
So long ago, such innocent times, with many memories still to make.
Love you to the moon and back.
Dearest Angel son
xxxxxx
A panoramic view of the harbour this afternoon
Friday 15th July
Missing you so, so much
I miss you with all my heart.
Didn’t think it would be like this
I didn’t think we’d be apart.
Thinking of you so, so much
Thinking of you within my heart
Never thought you’d fall asleep
My darling, precious sweetheart.
Love you so, so much
Love you with all my heart
Thought you’d be here forever
Didn’t think to heaven, you’d depart.
Fly high Angel son.
xxxxxx
Your robin standing guard
Porthgwidden this afternoon
Surf school ready to go. Porthmeor Beach this afternoon
Thursday 14th July
Well, that was a scary few days. My mum was taken into hospital last Friday evening, and after a number of tests, it emerged that she had an “acute kidney injury”, brought about by severe dehydration. She was also beginning to suffer delirium, confusion and disorientation. Quite a dangerous situation by all accounts.
Refusing, or not bothering to eat and drink, had led to this pitiful situation. The kidneys ended up extremely dry.
Following intravenous saline and antibiotics, rest and much care, Nan’s kidneys are almost back to 100% normal functioning. Thank goodness.
When we arrived in the hospital yesterday afternoon for a visit, we were surprised to see her sitting in a chair, looking out of the window. Such a huge difference in her appearance and demeanour ~ the first time she had been out of bed since a week last Tuesday. She had managed a little lunch, and was sipping some chilled lemonade through a straw.
Last night Nan was discharged from the hospital, back to her care home. No more noise, bright strip lights, uncomfortable bed, woken up at all hours for obs.
Today, we arrived late morning to find Nan sitting outside in the sunshine, albeit in a wheelchair, wearing her own clothes, (much better than a hospital gown), having her nails painted. A great transformation. She is still very weak, and must be closely monitored for the next three months, with regular blood tests. And she has to make more of an effort to eat and drink fluids ~ or I will keep on incessantly nagging, and she hates that.
Thinking of you my darling, who needed no encouragement to eat your food, and drink water, tea, lemonade or juice. You had a great appetite.
Seventy weeks today, you fell asleep.
Love you to the moon and back.
Precious Angel son.
xxxxxx
You, Nan and your brother. February 2014
The harbour this afternoon
Wednesday 13th July
Always loved
Never forgotten
Forever missed
Constantly alongside
Eternally remembered
Within dreams
Endlessly recalled
Completely adored
Gently held
Silently nearby
Forever missed
Never forgotten
Always loved.
xxxxxx
Tuesday 12th July
There is no break from grief
It’s there all the time.
Bubbling quietly under the surface
Or volcanic in it’s explosivity.
Waking up each morning
Not knowing what’s in store.
What will be the trigger?
What will trip the detonator?
Resulting in a chaotic chain reaction
Or a continuous dull, slow ache.
One thing is for certain
There’ll be no end in sight
No completion, or wrapping up.
This grief will last a lifetime
Ending when I see you again.
Loving you forever
Missing you daily
Blowing kisses
Angel son
xxxxxx
The Journey of My Left Foot (whilst remembering my son) 