Tuesday 5th April

There’s a smile on my face,
But pain in my heart.
Silent sorrow envelopes me;
You meant so very much.

Constantly missing you,
Forever loving you,
Thinking of you every day.
I’ll find you in my dreams.

Memories pop up,
Out of nowhere.
You’ll never be forgotten,
But I wish you were still here.

You touched our lives
In a myriad of ways.
And it’s those thoughts
That keep us close to you.

Living without you
Is the hardest part.
Everything has changed;
Life will never be the same.

My life continues,
But I think of what was,
And what now
Can never, ever be.

But there is a smile……
Not always, not every day,
But it is there,
When I remember you.

Love you my Angel.
Beloved son.

xxxxxxx

A peaceful morning, standing beside you

Monday 4th April

My son is my Angel,
But I didn’t want it that way,
Didn’t expect it to be like this,
Living with grief day by day.

My son is my Angel,
He’s now looking out for me,
Smiling down from up above,
But here’s where he should be.

My son is my Angel,
My darling, my precious one,
I’ll miss you forever and a day,
My love can never be undone.

My son is my Angel

xxxxxxx

Sunday 3rd April

I miss you.
Every day
Each day.
Today
Tomorrow
The day after that.
Lost without you.

I think of you.
Every day
Each day.
Today
Tomorrow
The day after that.
So many reminders.

I love you.
Every day
Each day.
Today
Tomorrow
The day after that.
To the moon and back.

In my heart.
Every day
Each day.
Today
Tomorrow
The day after that.
With me forever.

Precious Angel son.

xxxxxxx

Sunny beach this afternoon

Holidaymakers at the beach

Your flowers this morning

Saturday 2nd April

“For you, there’ll be no crying
For you, the sun will be shining
‘Cause I feel that when I’m with you
It’s alright
I know it’s right”
               ~ Eva Cassidy

This song by Eva Cassidy was sung so beautifully by an ex-student of mine, at a fantastic wedding we went to today.
It brought tears to my eyes as I listened to the words.
I thought of you.
I miss you so much.
Love you my sweetheart.
Dearest Angel son.

xxxxxxx

Friday 1st April

Missing your footprints in the sand
Walking along, holding your hand.
Jumping the waves, toes in the sea
How I wish you could be here with me.

You, walking to the sea, North Myrtle Beach. August 2014

On the way back from your paddle

Hilton Head, August 2010

North Myrtle Beach, August 2007

Love you, my beach walking Angel
Now with wings, flying so graceful.
Through those clouds way up high
I smile at you, when I look to the sky.

Missing you every day.
Love you forever.
My precious Angel.

xxxxxxx

The beach this afternoon

Thursday 31st March

“Cause you never think
That the last time is the last time.
You think there will be more.
You think you have forever,
But you don’t.”

             ~ Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

I never thought
The last time you climbed the stairs
Would be the last time.

I never thought
The last kiss goodnight
Would be the last one.

I never thought
The last time you said “night mum”
Would be your last words.

I never thought
The last hug you gave me
Would be the last cuddle.

I never thought
The last time you fell asleep
Would be your last breaths.

I’d thought there’d be more.
More time spent with you.
More life on this earth.

I thought we did have forever.
I thought we’d have so much more.
I thought you’d be here tomorrow.

It’s been fifty five weeks
Three hundred and eighty five days
Since you peacefully went to heaven.

Love you my Angel.
Precious son.
Forever young.

xxxxxxx

Tuesday 29th March

The pain will always be there
Because my love is always there.
My grief is a constant reminder:
You were here, and now you’re not.

The hurt won’t magically go away
Your departure was just so sudden.
There is a struggle every day
To live with this broken heart.

The private despair is well-hidden,
I don’t easily let the mask drop.
It’s almost become second nature
Every morning, to keep on keeping on.

The pain and grief won’t ever disappear
The hurt and despair are numbing.
The struggle is real, and on-going
All because I love you so much.

The sadness of the shattered dreams
The quiet, empty space that remains.
Disbelief and realisation together
All conspiring to mess with your head.

I can’t ‘close the book’
I won’t ‘start a new chapter’
I shan’t ‘write a new story’
I don’t want ‘to move on’.

I can never leave you behind.
I don’t want to leave you behind
You’ll be with me forever and a day
By my side and in my heart.

I’ll cry for you at your graveside
Sob silently at three in the morning
Catch my breath, clutch my heart
As the unseen juggernaut of grief hits.

Unimaginable heartache and loss
A coping mechanism is in place
Other peoples’ lives move on
I just see mine so differently now.

When asked how I’m doing
There’s an automatic response:
Oh yes, I’m fine, I’m ok, thank you
(You wouldn’t want to know the truth.)

Unless you’ve lost your own child
No matter what age, or circumstances
The indescribable sorrow of that loss
Is with you every waking moment.

I’m not moaning, just trying to cope
Trying to be positive and smile again.
The impact you had on all our lives
The enormity of you; just immense.

Learning to live with a broken heart
Hiding emotions, trying to join in.
Celebrating your life, talking of you
Keeping your many memories alive.

Walking the earth for over thirty years
Eleven thousand, and eleven days
A palindromic number: 11,011
For such an enigmatic young man.

You’ll always be there with us
Even in heaven, looking down
On our new adventures and travels
You will always, always be there.

Love you my Angel.
xxxxxxx

Sunday 27th March

Happy Easter my precious Angel
So loved, so very much missed.
Now securely protected in my heart
That’s where you’ll forever exist.

Easter, 2006. Woodlands Adventure Park. Fun on the toboggan run.

Another toboggan run, this time in Australia, 1990

Merimbula's Magic Mountain, on the Sapphire Coast, NSW. You, me and your brother

I’m remembering you this Easter,
So many adventures, so much fun.
Sending chocolate eggs to heaven
Smiling with you on the toboggan run.

Love you forever
Missing you every day.

xxxxxxx