Category Archives: cemetery

Wishing you were here

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Thursday 13th August

Wishing you were here.

“Endless hours by your grieving bed
Wishing you were here instead.”

I wish for you to be with us, morning and night.
I say your name out loud, every day.
I talk to you, all the time.
I want to hold you, right now.

But you’re up there, in heaven.
And we’re down here, without you.

It’s so quiet. Nothing is going on. No plans are being made. We just seem to exist. We somehow make it through the day, then spend sleepless nights thinking about you.

Another Thursday.
It was twenty two weeks ago that you fell asleep and didn’t wake up.
And I miss you so very much.

Love you forever my Angel son xxxx

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Five months

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Wednesday 12th August

Five months.
Five long months without you.
Five months since you passed away.

I miss you constantly.
I smile when I think about you.
I cry when I think about you.

My Angel son in heaven.
Forever young.
Forever gone.

Love you to infinity and beyond.
Love you more than words can say.
Love you to the moon and back.
xxxx

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Beautiful Memories

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Tuesday  11th August

You really did leave behind so many beautiful memories for us to treasure.
And these memories can never be taken away, they just seem to become more intense, every little thing now has a deeper meaning.

Thinking about you, about all that we did, about happier times, all those events, have a special place in my heart, but each and every one of those memories is now tinged with sadness.

They are still the same memories, but now they are bittersweet to me. The memories we have of you are wonderful, but we have to accept that that is all we have, all that we have left of you. There will be no new memories to be made. Ever.

My memories of you are therefore happy and sad, at the same time. I am smiling, and yet tears run down my face.

For the last few years, we would probably be down in the Florida Keys right now. Here you are, on the first night of our arrival at the Islander Resort in Islamorada. We had dinner in the open air restaurant beside the pool, where I had chosen a salad, and you picked the hibiscus flower from my plate, and put it behind your ear.

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Frank at the Islander

You look so sweet and innocent, twenty six years old, and not a care in the world. We looked after you, made sure you were safe, and tried to give you everything we could.

Beautiful memories.
Happy times.
Sadly no more.

Love you my darling Angel son.
xxx

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Home safely

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Monday 10th August

We arrived home safely this afternoon, still with aches and pains in our calves and shoulders, but they are somewhat easing. We all feel a great sense of achievement, having done something positive, and special, in memory and in honour of you. I dearly hope you are proud of us. Smiling down on us all.

After dropping off my sister, we came to see you. We talked for quite some time, telling you about our weekend climb to the top of Mount Snowdon ~ but you knew all about that anyway, didn’t you? Because you came along too.

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Your beautiful flowers

We tidied your graveside flowers, as the weather had been quite stormy since we’d been away. Even your sunflowers were still going strong. It’s good to be back close to you.

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Your horse standing guard

I think a lot of people learnt about you this weekend.
You were so very special.
Love you more than words can say.
Precious Angel xxx

On our way to Wales

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Thursday 6th August

We came to see you first thing this morning, and placed new flowers in the vases. The sunflowers are still going strong, looking amazing, so I left those with you.

We are on our way to Wales, to climb Mount Snowdon in your memory, with a large group of people ~ survivors and family members ~ for the annual testicular cancer trek. Me, Dad and my sister will reach the summit, whatever it takes.

We have you in our hearts, as always.
I also have your photograph, a large banner, t-shirts with your name, flags, and a soft toy dolphin that used to lie on your bed.

Two years ago today we were down in Islamorada, and had lunch at Robbie’s Marina. My brother and his wife came to stay for a few days, so we visited as many places as possible altogether. The fish tacos at Robbie’s are the best.

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Frank at Robbie's Marina

We had spent the morning at Bahia Honda State Park, swimming and walking around. I remember the beautiful butterflies and the green and black iguanas. You had fun chasing them, and then had a good time playing in the sea with Dad.

Last year, on this day we were at Aquatica and you had such a wonderful time. Ihu’s Breakaway Falls had just opened as a new ride, and you just had to try it out ~ three times, one go after another. We swam in the surf pool, had fun on the family tube ride, and spent ages on the river rapids.

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Aquatica August 2014

August was always a time for family fun, holidays and adventures. So many happy memories.

We will take you with us, wherever we go, for as long as we can.

Love you forever my sweetheart.
Dearest Angel son.
xxxx

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Nan’s birthday

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Wednesday 5th August

Today was Nan’s birthday, although for the past twenty or so years, we would not be with her, but off on our holidays. We would normally be on a beach or in a theme park. In fact, in 2012 we had gone to Ocala to the Don Garlits Museum of Drag Racing and then Silver Springs. I think you preferred the alligators to the cars.

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Normally we would have a little get-together before we flew away to exchange cards and gifts. This year we celebrated with her, but without you. It was a birthday tinged with sadness. You were her first grandchild, and she loved you dearly and misses you so much.

I know you would have given her a big hug and a kiss, and wished her many happy returns.

We miss you.
Such a lot.
We love you to infinity and beyond.
Our darling son.
xxxx

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Another butterfly

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Tuesday 4th August

A different butterfly flew down to your flowers today when we came to your graveside.
You again?
Letting us know that you are still with us?
I would love to think so.

“They whom we love and lose
Are no longer where they were before.
They are now……
Wherever we are.”

How true are those words?
You are now with us, forever, wherever we happen to be.
You’re in our hearts, always in our thoughts, all around us, all the time.

Missing you so much.
Love you my StarMan.
Angel kisses xxxxx

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August

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Saturday 1st August

August, and we’d normally be somewhere between South Carolina and Florida by now. Or in earlier years, sailing around Tobago, Bermuda or the Virgin Islands. For the last twenty years we have been somewhere other than here at home.

You so looked forward to our summer vacations, at first with your brother, and then for the last ten years or so, with just Dad and me.

Here you are, on August 1st, three years ago in Myrtle Beach. Just chillin’ by the fountain at Market Commons ~ it was a hot afternoon.

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We are having a hard time adjusting to the reality that our holidays from now on, are going to be without you. All our planning and consideration was done with you in mind. With Asperger’s you did like your routine, you didn’t really enjoy noisy, crowded places, and always wanted to know what the plan or itinerary entailed. “What are we doing today?”, “Where are we going tomorrow?”, “It’s twelve thirty, I need my lunch!”, “When we get to Orlando, where shall we go first of all?”, “It’s nine thirty I need my beauty sleep”……

We used to arrive at the theme parks about half an hour before opening, to park, to queue through the bag-checks, and then you’d make your own way to your favourite rides, to try and beat the long lines of waiting people. You had so much fun, and it was a joy to see your face as you came out of the ride’s exit with the biggest grin. By midday it was great to sit somewhere in air-conditioned comfort, have a bite to eat and a cold drink. Then, if you wanted, you’d do another round of the park, picking and choosing where to go next. If the place became too crowded, we’d leave and perhaps drive to have a meander around a cool shopping mall, then back to our villa for dinner, bath and bed.

Simple, family life. No worries, no hassles, no problems. Just fun, relaxation, laughter and love.

We’re sure going to miss those times with you.

Now you’re on your heavenly vacation, my little starman.
Love you sweet Angel xxxx

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