Category Archives: chemotherapy

Mar4

Two hearts

Posted on March 4, 2016 by MeRaw

Friday 4th March

“Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.”
John Keats

We might be two separate beings,
But we share one beating heart.
You are now living on within me
And this way, we’ll never be apart.

The day your heart stopped beating,
Was when mine took over for you.
You gained those sweet Angel wings,
And up to heaven you silently flew.

In the peaceful quiet of the night,
When I can meet you in my dreams,
I listen for those special heartbeats,
As we dance around the moonbeams.

Love you so much my Angel.

xxxxxxx

Looking over the River Frome, at Wareham, Dorset.

We've come to stay with your other Nan, in Wareham

Looking across the banks of the River Frome, where we went for a walk this afternoon.

Mar3

Pain

Posted on March 3, 2016 by MeRaw

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Thursday 3rd March

The pain I feel hasn’t lessened
In fact, it’s much more intense.
You’re still my son
I keep on loving you.
That you’re not here, makes no sense.

Almost a year since you fell asleep
The pain is worse, to be truthful.
You’re still my son
I keep on loving you.
Realisation you’ll be forever youthful.

The numbness pains my heart
Every morning is like the one before.
You’re still my son
I keep on loving you.
But I’ll hear your voice no more.

Thinking that you’ll never grow old
No longer around to have fun.
You’re still my son
I keep on loving you.
The pain remains, my darling one.

I keep on loving you.
You’re still my son.

xxxxxxx

A new heart of bells for you, my darling

Mar2

Miss your smile

Posted on March 2, 2016 by MeRaw

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Wednesday 2nd March

I miss your smile.
I miss your face.
I miss your laughter.
I miss your eyes.
I miss your voice.
I miss your love.
I miss you.

Sweet Angel son.
xxxxxxx

Aquatica, August 2011. Such a cheeky grin.

Mar1

Our roots remain as one

Posted on March 1, 2016 by MeRaw

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Tuesday 1st March

“Like branches on a tree . . . . .
We may grow in different directions,
But our roots remain as one.”

We are a close knit family,
Travelling together so happily.

Summer vacations and holidays,
Thought we’d be together always.

But three are here, one in heaven,
Love for each other, never lessen.

Thankful for those family ties,
Growing stronger, intensifies.

Like those branches on the tree,
Roots are joined forever, tightly.

Love you my Angel son.
xxxxxxx

Our family, Chicago, August 2004

Blue sky, through the trees, in the cemetery, this morning

Feb29

Grey

Posted on February 29, 2016 by MeRaw

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Monday 29th February

Today seems grey.
You’re no longer here,
You’ve gone away.

Seeing the world
In shades of grey,
Life’s now unfurled.

No bright colours,
Just a flat grey,
Gone are all others.

Grey, draining contrast,
Monotone misery,
Sad, eyes downcast.

A grey isolation,
Wraps and enfolds,
Thoughts of desolation.

Neutral and bland,
Grey mist rolls in,
Over the quicksand.

Life’s not black and white.
A muddle of grey,
Seems about right.

Dismal and depressing,
This misty, grey fog,
All joy suppressing.

Looking for a change,
To brighten the day,
This grey to exchange.

The heavy, dull sky,
A ponderous grey.
Exhaling a sigh.

So, today is grey.
But it’ll be different,
I hope, some day.

I’m missing you today
My darling Angel son
Make the grey go away.

xxxxxxx

Looking out over the rampers this afternoon

Feb28

A little of each other

Posted on February 28, 2016 by MeRaw

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Sunday 28th February

“We all take different paths in life,
but no matter where we go,
we take a little of each other everywhere.”

Everywhere we go, somehow you are with us. You come along for the ride, for the adventure, or even for the mundane.

Although you are not physically with us, you remain in my heart forever.
Your DNA is within me, and mine within you.
In my handbag are little white feathers that I have found, and tucked into a zipped pocket, wrapped up safely, is the Frankie Angel bear.
When we drive in Dad’s car, your seatbelt is done up, and it shows on the dashboard that there is a passenger in the back, where you used to sit. Where your spirit now is seated.
I carry your photograph in my bag too, a happy, smiling face.
And of course my phone is full of photo memories of us all.

So, wherever we now go, I’ll always have a little bit of you, with me.
Forever.

I do miss you, though.
I miss you so much.
Life is not the same.

xxxxxxx

Feb27

Fairy tale of a time

Posted on February 27, 2016 by MeRaw

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Saturday 27th February

During an autumn school holiday when we were living in Australia, we spent some time in Mount Gambier, SA.
It was here that we came across Fairy Tale Park, a delightful and unique family attraction set in large gardens.

You and your brother both loved exploring all the fairy tale tableaux, with castles, bogeymen, princes and princesses, and many nursery rhyme characters.

A sweet and gentle time
With no worries, no fears.
A childhood fairy tale,
For those young of years.

Missing you.
Love you forever.
My fairy tale Angel son.

xxxxxxx

Fairy Tale Park, near Mt Gambier, SA. April 1991

Feb26

Lasts a lifetime

Posted on February 26, 2016 by MeRaw

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Friday 26th February

“A smile happens in a flash
It’s memory lasts a lifetime.”

You had such a cheeky grin,
Easy to see when you were happy.
Laughter spread from within,
When something tickled your fancy.

A great big smile across your face,
Let us know you were having fun.
That we had chosen the right place,
Giving you the very best, bar none.

Missing you every single day,
Missing your happy personality.
Wishing you’d been able to stay,
To spread your saucy individuality.

Love you forever
Sweet Angel son.
xxxxxxx

August 2010 Harry Potter Land, Orlando

Feb25

Another alien blob

Posted on February 25, 2016 by MeRaw

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Thursday 25th February

I travelled to Exeter today with my husband, to have another alien blob, this time removed from my back.
At my previous dermatology appointment, the consultant spotted a suspect basal cell carcinoma.
Sounds dodgy, but not as bad as a melanoma.
The blob that was cut out was quite a sizeable chunk; it was put in a specimen pot, to be sent to the pathology lab.
I had a number of deep stitches, that will dissolve, six surface stitches, steri strips, and finally a bigger dressing.

In twelve days I’ll have the stitches out, and then in three to four weeks, the results. So I’ll have to wait patiently.

We’re staying overnight in the hotel where we would always stay with you.
So many memories….

We wish you were here with us.

It’s Thursday.
Fifty weeks ago today.
Three hundred and fifty days.

I miss you so much.
My darling Angel son.

xxxxxxx