Category Archives: Memories

Still hear the laughter

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Tuesday 17th November

“If you love
somebody enough,
You can still hear
the laughter after
they’re gone.”

……………….

Even though you’re gone
Your laughter I can hear.
A wonderfully, happy sound
That lets me know you’re near.

That wicked little chortle,
A giggle so unstoppable.
A sparkle in your eyes,
A smile quite irrepressible.

Happy days and holidays,
Filled with joy and fun.
So many sweet memories,
Of you, my Angel son.

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Pandora Inn. August 2006. Funny faces. Laughter and smiles.

Love you forever sweetheart.
Missing you so very much.
xxxxx

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Just one of those days

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Monday 16th November

“Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you.”

As we were driving along to the cemetery today, a one minute silence was observed on the radio. The very next song to be played was ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’ sung by Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole.

This was a song I had chosen to be played when your coffin left the church.
And the song made me cry today.
Remembering you.
Remembering your funeral.
Remembering everything about you.

For two hundred and twenty two days you have been here, in the cemetery.
Apart from three days when we were away climbing Snowdon, we have visited your resting place every single day, without fail.

You loved The Wizard of Oz, the original film with Judy Garland, and then later you enjoyed ‘Return to Oz’, with Princess Mombi.

Are you Somewhere over the Rainbow?
Way up high?

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Yes, today I was reminded of you in so many ways.

So, fly high my beloved Angel, where the skies are blue.

I love you so very much.
xxxxx

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The black cat came over to see us today, too.

Hold you in my heart

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Thursday 15th October

Reading through the many cards that were sent to us when you went to heaven, the words here uplift the spirits, despite the trials and tribulations we faced bringing you up.

“We have watched you over the last thirty years to be the most amazing, caring, loving parents to Frank.
We will never understand the difficult times you have been through and the struggles you have faced, but we have seen you support Frank through them all.
You truly have been amazing parents.”

Having Asperger Syndrome, Pierre Robin Syndrome and moderate learning difficulties, your behaviour was at times, incredibly challenging.
That is what made the love within our family so intense. You were extremely hard work, and massive amounts of patience and tolerance were needed. Not just from us, but from your brother, too.

A short anecdote…….
The family who wrote those words in the card have two daughters, the same ages as you and your brother. I used to give extra mathematics tuition after school to the elder girl. This must have been when you were aged about thirteen or so.
Anyway, one afternoon, she and I were sitting at our kitchen table, working through some algebra problems, when you came in and asked to have a particular video to watch on the television. I asked you to wait until I had finished my hour’s session, then I would find it for you.
I’m afraid you didn’t have the patience to wait.
You filled up a glass of water from the tap, poured it over my head, and left the room.
I have never felt so embarrassed and speechless; I didn’t know where to look. I think I just mopped up the water on the table, and carried on as if nothing had happened.
Looking back it seems quite amusing now, but oh my goodness, you could be a little monkey at times. Anything to shock and outrage to gain attention, that was you all over.

And so we had to become strong parents to try and guide you to make sensible choices, to tone down your behaviour in social situations, to give you knowledge of the wider world, but still to have that sprinkling of mischievousness about you, that made you so unique, endearing and loving.

For thirty years, the circumstances and obstacles we faced, with the intense and profound love we have for you, has made your loss that much more tortuous and harrowing; so, so difficult to handle and accept.
You were our child who never properly grew up, part of us for three decades. You needed us, and we needed you.

We’ll love you forever.
And I’ll hold you in my heart,
Til I can hold you in my arms.
Sleep tight my Angel.
xxxx

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Your lovely smile

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Key West sunset, sweetheart.

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A cheeky grin

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Your flowers today

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Cemetery sunshine

Dad’s birthday

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Wednesday 14th October

Another first…….
Dad’s first birthday without you being here.
Without your card, or morning birthday greetings.
Dad missed you a lot today.
It was so quiet without you.

We remember so many good times together.

Dearest Angel son.
We grow older, and you remain forever thirty years old.
Just wish it wasn’t so.

Love you forever.
xxxxx

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You and Dad. Bahia Honda State Park, The Keys

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You and Dad. Universal Studios

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You and Dad. Seuss Landing, Universal

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You and Dad. Hawaiian Luau, Sea World

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You and Dad. Aquatica

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You and Dad. Busch Gardens

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You and Dad. Christmas Eve, Disney World

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You and Dad. Hilton Head Island

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You and Dad this morning

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Dad and I this afternoon

Remember

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Monday 12th October

Seven months.
It’s seven long months since you went to bed, fell asleep and didn’t wake up.
Seven months in heaven.

No more chemotherapy.
No more surgery.
No more peripheral neuropathy.
No more scans.
No more sickness.
No more testicular cancer.

But there is no more you.
And that hurts so much.
Just memories and moments in time.
Reminders and remembrances.

And we will keep on remembering, talking about you, telling everyone about your life. Taking you with us, wherever we go, from now on, firmly ensconced in our hearts.

Seven months ago, you had driven to Bristol airport, with Dad, to pick up your brother. He was returning from Spain, having spent time with his girlfriend.
Well, yesterday he arrived back there, having spent two days travelling. Not by plane this time, but car and ferry. Quite an arduous journey by all accounts.
I know your brother misses you greatly, even if he is quiet and doesn’t show much emotion. But he cared about you deeply, and you have left a huge void in his life, too.

So, seven months.
And we do remember the laughter.
The smiles.
The love.
All we do is just remember.

We all love you so very much.
Beloved son and brother.
Precious Angel xxxx

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Moments full of you

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Thursday 8th October

“For the rest of my life
I will search
For moments full of you.”

Moments…..
Memories…..
We didn’t have a tomorrow.
But we had yesterday.

And so many yesterdays.
Good, bad.
Happy, sad.
It doesn’t matter.

Now, there’ll be no more
Memory making.
No new adventures.
No future stories to tell.

But, you lived.
A part of us for thirty years.
Thirty years of yesterdays.
Yesterdays filled with fun.

So I try and remember
With a smile.
As I search for moments
Full of you.

(Thirty weeks today.)
Love you to the moon and back.
And all the world.
Beloved Angel son xxxx

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New flowers today

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We just knew we were having fun

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Monday 5th October

“We didn’t realise
We were making
Memories
We just knew
We were having
Fun.”

Six years ago today my father passed away from pancreatic cancer. It was officially diagnosed that summer, whilst we were visiting him in South Carolina, but he had been feeling ill for some months.

He lived an extraordinary life, coming into contact with royalty, prime ministers, actors, union leaders, professional golfers, rock stars, cowboys, jazz musicians ……. the amazing list goes on and on.

His story began in Surrey, England on February 4th 1932.
We didn’t call him Dad, Daddy or Father. To his three children, (and everyone else for that matter), he was always know as Hank. (Although at school, his nickname had been Buster).
He was educated at Sutton Grammar School, evacuated to Windsor during the war, and then joined the RAF College at Cranwell.

For several years he flew at the Farnborough Air Show with his Blue Diamonds Aerobatic team (Hunter jets), also travelling all over the world with them, flying at air shows and gala events.

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Lightnings and Thunderbirds

He then moved on to the English Electric Lightning with 92 and 56 Squadrons. He had many postings to Cyprus and Malta during these times.

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Hank foreground, 56 Squadron

In 1966 he was part of the team of sixteen Lightnings who flew in a tribute flypast over the launch carrying Sir Winston Churchill’s coffin up the River Thames at the end of the State Funeral.

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Hank, fifth from left

Hank was presented with the Air Force Cross for Distinguished Service by the Queen at Buckingham Place in 1966. This was awarded to Hank for bringing the fleeing Shah of Persia (Iran), to England.

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Hank escorting the fleeing Shah out of Persia

In 1967 he was posted to Singapore, for two years, where he became the second-in-command of the three British Armed Services. Our family had some terrific experiences and holidays in the Far East. It was where I began my high school education.

Upon his return to the UK in 1969, he reformed 43 Squadron at RAF Leuchars in Scotland.

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Hank. Phantom. 43 Squadron

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Hank shadowing a Russian 'bear'

It was during this time that HRH Prince Charles was taken on a two hour, supersonic flying sortie with Hank in a Phantom fighter-bomber. The flight included an air-to-air refuelling exercise with a Victor tanker, taking on 1200 gallons of fuel. They flew as high as 40,000 feet and as low as 1000 feet, making a pass over Balmoral, (reported at the time, as an ‘extrovert flourish’).

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Hank instructing Prince Charles

During his time in Scotland he received the Bar to the AFC at Holyrood Palace, Edinburgh. This was bestowed upon him by The Queen Mother.

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Hank with AFC and bar

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The Queen's birthday flypast

In 1972 Hank made the decision to leave the RAF, travelled to Camper Nicholson in Portsmouth, bought a yacht and sailed himself across the Atlantic.

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Crossing the Atlantic in Western Union

Since then he spent many happy years sailing though the Islands from Venezuela to Chesapeake, in and around Bermuda, and across the Pacific from the Marquesas to New Zealand.

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Rum Raisin in Bermuda

During the late seventies he bought a ranch in Durango, Colorado and rekindled his love of skiing. At that time he was driving a black and gold Pontiac Trans Am and flying a Queenair Beechcraft to the Grand Canyon, Palm Springs and Santa Monica.

However, his passion for sailing soon returned and he again found himself travelling up and down the East Coast of America.

During the last fifteen or so years of his life, he made North Myrtle Beach his port, leaving every now and again to visit Tobago, the Virgin Islands, Bermuda, Venezuela and the Keys.

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Wild Blue in the Keys

Throughout his life, Hank had a passion for golf, playing courses all over the world, from Spyglass Hill, Pebble Beach; Troon in Scotland; Wentworth in Surrey, to the Singapore Island Country Club, where he regularly played with Lee Kwan Yew, the then Prime Minister of Singapore.

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Contemplating the 'gator at Tiger's Eye Golf Course

Whilst in North Myrtle Beach, he was part of a group of golfing buddies who played three times a week in and around North and South Carolina. He treasured their friendship enormously.

Hank was always a gracious host on his sailboats (Western Union, Rum Raisin, and latterly Wild Blue), taking friends on wonderful, day-sailing trips on the ocean.
We also became ‘boat gypsies’ for our summer holidays, and joined him wherever his yacht happened to be anchored. We had some marvellous sailing adventures together. We were so lucky.

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Wild Blue in Tobago

He had a great love, knowledge and appreciation for gourmet food, as well as an appropriate, fine wine to accompany it. Hank was always an excellent “sommelier” at dinner parties with close friends.

Few people knew of his great artistic ability with oil or watercolours, or of his talent as an actor, having appeared in several local commercials.

Hank was not one to verbalise his own talents, but he was totally dedicated and passionate about anything he endeavoured to do.

His free spirit could best be described by lines from a novel by John Berendt. Hank was the “Cosmos Mariner” ~ “Destination Unknown”

(Taken from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil: John Berendt is talking to Miss Harty while they drink martinis in the cemetery:

“Aiken [Conrad Aiken] loved to come here and watch the ships go by,” she said. “One afternoon, he saw one with the name Cosmos Mariner painted on the bow. That delighted him. The word ‘cosmos’ appears often in his poetry, you know. That evening he went home and looked for mention of the Cosmos Mariner in the shipping news. There it was, in tiny type on the list of ships in port. The name was followed by the comment ‘Destination Unknown.’ That pleased him even more.”)

Hank made many long-lasting acquaintances worldwide; from those in the RAF, the USAF and CAF; to the sailors, golfers and many who became part of his wide circle of friends.

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Hank and I

Miss you Hank.
Give Frank a great big hug.
xxxxx

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Franks' flowers today

Another dinner

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Wednesday 2nd September

As your brother’s girlfriend is flying to Spain tomorrow to be with her mother, he phoned me earlier to see if we could all go out for dinner tonight. So it’s off to the Curry Garden for seven o’clock.

The meal was very good indeed. We spoke about all going to Spain together one day. We also talked of our previous holidays with you in Hong Kong, Chicago and Greece, and the good times we had.

We recalled traveling to the summit of the Peak in Hong Kong, and crossing the bay on the Star Ferry. We laughed at your brother when we remembered how upset he was when he couldn’t go on the rides at Ocean Park as he wasn’t tall enough, (he was only three years old then.) We reminded him of our trip to Stanley Market, where a man painted pictures on t-shirts for you both of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, with your names below. You loved those.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990

We told your brother about your amazingly tall sunflowers and how they’re just about to open. We haven’t had brilliant sunny days, but the plants have certainly grown and grown. When they’re ready, we’ll pick the first ones and take them to you. Your “biggest ever sunflower in the world”. That’s what you wanted.

Anyway, we said goodnight to your brother and his girlfriend, and wished her a safe journey for tomorrow.

We wished you could have come out to dinner with us. We miss your place at the table.

Sending you so much love and kisses.
Thinking of you always.
Sweet dreams.
Angel xxxx

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The first of your sunflowers.

Your brother

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Thursday 27th August

This morning your brother came up to see us, as he had a day off from work. He wanted to drive his old car to the garage to see if it was worth repairing, before selling it. We followed him, as his vehicle billowed out copious amounts of grey smoke, one stop light failed to work, and strange noises could be heard from under the bonnet.

Having deposited the car with the friendly garage mechanic, we went off to do some shopping, and stopped for our regular morning cappuccino. Your brother had an iced latte.

We then asked if he wanted to come with us, to visit you. I think he’s only been to the cemetery twice. (It’s not really his thing.)
And yes, he came to see you. He stood silently at your graveside. I do wonder what he was thinking. Remembering. Reminiscing. Recalling.

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Australia 1991

We stayed for quite a while, talking to you. Telling you that your brother had come to see you. I wonder if you felt his presence close by? I do think he misses you. A lot.

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Cornwall 2013

In the early evening, we went for a drink and a bite to eat with your brother and his girlfriend. We had a table upstairs overlooking the harbour.

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The harbour this evening

They are off to Spain in October, then fly out to Thailand for seven weeks. They want us to join them in Spain for Christmas when they return. But we are unsure.
Our friends in America want us to go to the Keys for Christmas too. That is where we should have been last year, but it all was cancelled as you had started your chemotherapy treatment.
I just don’t know where we should go.

Anyway, we have all been thinking of you a lot today.

Miss you so very much.
Love you forever
Precious Angel son xxxx

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Harbour Town

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Wednesday 26th August

We have been visiting Hilton Head Island for a number years. It became a stopping off point for our return journey from Florida back to the top of South Carolina, and we fell in love with the place.

We used to stay on South Forest Beach at a wonderful resort, with a pool and huge stretches of white sands.

We loved to explore as well, and always drove out to Harbour Town to find somewhere new to eat, to marvel at the boats, to eat ice cream, and to climb to the top of the lighthouse.
(These pictures are from two years ago this week.)

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Lighthouse and open air theatre

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View from the top of the lighthouse

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You and Dad at the top of the lighthouse

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View from the top of the lighthouse

But, close by to where we parked the car, there was a terrific tree swing. Well, more like a swinging bench. You loved it. The gentle rocking motion, in the shade of the enormous tree.

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You and Dad on the swing

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You. Reading. Relaxing.

Happy times.
Family fun.
Simple things.
Harbour Town swing.

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Harbour Town rocking chairs

We are going to so miss those happy, care free times on holiday with you.

Love you, my happy little Angel.
xxxx

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