Friday 11th March

Through the window, looking out to sea,
I imagine you’re sitting here with me.
Our afternoon walk, around the town,
And I try so hard, not to breakdown.

Stopping for a drink at a harbour cafe,
People watching on a bright, sunny day.
Next to me is where you would sit,
At a table by the window, fidgeting a bit.

Coffee for us, and lemonade for you,
Perhaps a biscuit, or a brownie, too.
Just thinking about you, constantly,
As if time had stood still, unbelievably.

Almost a whole year has passed us by,
Shaking my head, I try hard not to cry.
I love you as much now, as I did then,
Time changes nothing, still heartbroken.

Miss you so much sweetie.
Love you my Angel.
xxxxxxx

Coffee with a view, this afternoon

Thursday 10th March

Just missing my Angel.
So much,
Every day.

It’s another Thursday.
Fifty two weeks,
Without you.

Love you sweetheart.
To the moon,
And back.

xxxxxxx

A new guardian angel looking over you

Wednesday 9th March

Fly high my Angel
Fly high little man.
Look down from above,
Smiling if you can.

I search for you,
Looking up to the sky.
I imagine I see you,
Soaring on high.

Among the clouds,
Billowing and white,
I watch out for signs,
As you take flight.

So, fly high little man,
Now you’re pain-free.
Fly with the Angels,
Where all is carefree.

Love you forever.
Forget you never.

xxxxxxx

Very windy afternoon at the beach

Another view of the beach today

Tuesday 8th March

This morning, I was standing here
Thinking about how much I miss you.
A grey sky, and a fine mist blowing
With all those memories to cling to.

It’s always peaceful, here with you
As I tend your flowers, speaking quietly.
I really do hope you can hear me
Telling you I miss you, constantly.

I love you so much.
xxxxxxx

Bright, spring tulips for you

Grey and misty this morning

Monday 7th March

I only miss you
Every minute
Of every day.

You will never
Be truly gone.

I will hold you
Safe in my heart
Forever.

I love you
So very much.

I think of you
Constantly,
Day and night.

You’re always
With me.

But my heart
Breaks,
And tears fall.

Becoming an Angel
Far too soon.

xxxxxxx

A cold and empty beach this afternoon

Sunday 6th March

On this date, last year, (it was a Friday), you had your penultimate infusion of chemotherapy. It was a day case appointment, finishing late afternoon.
You were so close to completing the treatment.

Sitting patiently, in the big purple chair, for your penultimate chemotherapy treatment. 6th March 2015

On the way home, it was your choice to stop at a fish and chip restaurant for dinner.
And, you ordered sweet and sour chicken! Now there’s a choice.
You did eat most of it.
For dessert you had a jelly and ice cream sundae. It looked good, but if I remember, you couldn’t finish all of it.

You didn’t look unwell, ill or like someone deteriorating. You weren’t struggling. Yes, you were tired; the chemotherapy treatment made you want to sleep for most of the day.

The last photographs of you: such a happy, contented face.

Who knew you only had barely a week?
And our lives would change forever.

I wish I could turn back time.
I wish things had been different.
I wish I could have done something.
I wish I could have saved you.

Your jelly and ice cream dessert

I am missing you so much.
I remember what was.
I think of what could have been.
I know how close you were to finishing the aggressive treatment regime.
I think of everything you went through, and am so sad that you’re not here now.
You didn’t deserve this.

I’ll love you forever, my dearest, darling Angel son.

xxxxxxx

Thursday 3rd March

The pain I feel hasn’t lessened
In fact, it’s much more intense.
You’re still my son
I keep on loving you.
That you’re not here, makes no sense.

Almost a year since you fell asleep
The pain is worse, to be truthful.
You’re still my son
I keep on loving you.
Realisation you’ll be forever youthful.

The numbness pains my heart
Every morning is like the one before.
You’re still my son
I keep on loving you.
But I’ll hear your voice no more.

Thinking that you’ll never grow old
No longer around to have fun.
You’re still my son
I keep on loving you.
The pain remains, my darling one.

I keep on loving you.
You’re still my son.

xxxxxxx

A new heart of bells for you, my darling

Wednesday 2nd March

I miss your smile.
I miss your face.
I miss your laughter.
I miss your eyes.
I miss your voice.
I miss your love.
I miss you.

Sweet Angel son.
xxxxxxx

Aquatica, August 2011. Such a cheeky grin.