Category Archives: brain tumour

Jul16

To make you smile someday

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Saturday 16th July
   

“There used to be so many

Of my fingerprints to see

On furniture and walls and things

From sticky grubby me

But if you stop and think awhile

You’ll see I’m growing fast

Those little handprints disappear

You can’t bring back what’s passed.

So here’s a small reminder

To keep not wipe away

Of tiny hands and how they looked

To make you smile someday.”

  

We came across this framed collage of you and your brothers’ handprints today, along with your photographs.

It did make me smile, wistfully, as I remembered the pair of you, when you were small. You were nearly three years old, and your brother almost one. 

Your hands were quite slender, but your brother’s handprint was quite chubby.

You and your brother, and handprints

So long ago, such innocent times, with many memories still to make.

Love you to the moon and back.

Dearest Angel son

xxxxxx

A panoramic view of the harbour this afternoon

Jul15

So, so much

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Friday 15th July

  
Missing you so, so much

I miss you with all my heart.

Didn’t think it would be like this

I didn’t think we’d be apart.

Thinking of you so, so much

Thinking of you within my heart

Never thought you’d fall asleep

My darling, precious sweetheart.

Love you so, so much

Love you with all my heart

Thought you’d be here forever

Didn’t think to heaven, you’d depart.

  

Fly high Angel son.

xxxxxx

Your robin standing guard

Porthgwidden this afternoon

Surf school ready to go. Porthmeor Beach this afternoon

Jul14

Nan update

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Thursday 14th July
Well, that was a scary few days. My mum was taken into hospital last Friday evening, and after a number of tests, it emerged that she had an “acute kidney injury”, brought about by severe dehydration. She was also beginning to suffer delirium, confusion and disorientation. Quite a dangerous situation by all accounts.

Refusing, or not bothering to eat and drink, had led to this pitiful situation. The kidneys ended up extremely dry.

Following intravenous saline and antibiotics, rest and much care, Nan’s kidneys are almost back to 100% normal functioning. Thank goodness.

When we arrived in the hospital yesterday afternoon for a visit, we were surprised to see her sitting in a chair, looking out of the window. Such a huge difference in her appearance and demeanour ~ the first time she had been out of bed since a week last Tuesday. She had managed a little lunch, and was sipping some chilled lemonade through a straw.

Last night Nan was discharged from the hospital, back to her care home. No more noise, bright strip lights, uncomfortable bed, woken up at all hours for obs.

Today, we arrived late morning to find Nan sitting outside in the sunshine, albeit in a wheelchair, wearing her own clothes, (much better than a hospital gown), having her nails painted. A great transformation. She is still very weak, and must be closely monitored for the next three months, with regular blood tests. And she has to make more of an effort to eat and drink fluids ~ or I will keep on incessantly nagging, and she hates that.

Thinking of you my darling, who needed no encouragement to eat your food, and drink water, tea, lemonade or juice. You had a great appetite.

Seventy weeks today, you fell asleep.

Love you to the moon and back.

Precious Angel son.

xxxxxx

You, Nan and your brother. February 2014

The harbour this afternoon

Jul12

It’s there all the time

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Tuesday 12th July

There is no break from grief

It’s there all the time.

Bubbling quietly under the surface

Or volcanic in it’s explosivity.

Waking up each morning

Not knowing what’s in store.

What will be the trigger?

What will trip the detonator?

Resulting in a chaotic chain reaction

Or a continuous dull, slow ache.

One thing is for certain

There’ll be no end in sight

No completion, or wrapping up.

This grief will last a lifetime

Ending when I see you again.

   

Loving you forever

Missing you daily

Blowing kisses

Angel son

xxxxxx

Jul11

Another 

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Monday 11th July 

  

In…….

Another life

Another time

Another dimension

Another space

Another universe

Another world

All would be well.

You would still be here.

Life would be complete.

  

Missing you so much

Love you forever; always have, always will.

Darling Angel son.

xxxxxx

 

Jul10

Six years ago

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Sunday 10th July

Google photos wanted to reliably inform me this morning, that on this date, six years ago, we had come to watch you at your open day gymkhana.

A set of photos that we had taken on that happy, sunny day……

You were twenty-five years old, and had had so much fun, showcasing your horse riding skills, competitiveness, and ability to work in a team. You gained a number of rosettes for your efforts and were quietly pleased that you had done so well. As someone who shunned the limelight, you stood for applause and photographs in front of many parents and helpers.

We were so very proud of you.

    

Love you forever my horse riding Angel.

Missing you each and every day.

xxxxxx

Sunny, but windy at the beach today

Some of your winning rosettes

Jul9

Nan

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Saturday 9th July

 
Last night, or very early this morning to be more precise, we accompanied the ambulance carrying Nan to the hospital.

She had become quite dehydrated and hadn’t been eating her food. An ambulance was called just after six in the evening, but didn’t turn up until ten thirty at night ~ Nan wasn’t considered a priority case.

After the paperwork and processing was completed in Accident and Emergency, it was after midnight when Nan was settled into a side room, with a saline drip, and bloods being taken. We left her in safe hands, and arrived home a little before two in the morning.

She was scared, confused and tearful, but definitely in the right place to be looked after, hydrated and somewhere to build up her strength.

When I phoned the hospital this morning, I was told that Nan had spent ten hours in A & E, and had only just been moved to a ward. Ten hours. A miracle she wasn’t climbing the walls by then.

Anyway, when we visited this evening, she was in a room on her own, still a little tearful, but with a bit more colour in her cheeks. She did though have a little sickness, and was quite embarrassed.

More tests will be carried out on Monday, and a proper diagnosis will be made by that evening. 

I think you would have been really worried about your Nan, and would expect nothing but the best for her. You loved her, and she loved you so very much.

Hopefully by Monday we will have better news.

Walking through the corridors of the hospital, I felt you with me every step of the way. I purposely bypassed the ward where you spent your last four months. Too many sad, bad, hurtful, sorrowful memories.

Remembering you today and always.

Love you forever.

Sweetheart Angel son.

xxxxxx

You certainly did love your grandma. (Eleven months old)

Jul8

Asleep

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Friday 8th July

   

When you fell asleep

I couldn’t bring you back

When you fell asleep

I didn’t want to give you back.

    

I love you so much.

I miss you every day.

Moon and back.

xxxxxx

A bright sliver of a rainbow this evening at the beach

Like a colourful shooting star

Was that you, my darling?

Late evening sun

Jul7

So much

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Thursday 7th July

I miss you so much, and wanted to send a great big hug.

I think of you so much, and wanted you to know your memory lives on.

I love you so much, and wanted to blow kisses to heaven.

That you’re no longer in my world, breaks my heart again and again.

I just can’t believe you’re gone; you’re not coming back.

Love you forever.

Always have, always will.

Dearest Angel son.

xxxxxx