Friday 25th December

Tomato soup is what you want,
No Christmas turkey for you.
You like to be different, oppositional.
Making a statement is what you do.

So, whilst all plates are piled high
With vegetables, meat and stuffing,
You sit down with a simple bowl,
Slurping it all, leaving nothing.

Your Christmas fare for many years,
Relied upon that tin of Heinz.
You just liked to be controversial.
It’s what you did so many times.

A cheeky grin upon your face,
A rude word, an infectious giggle.
Everyone couldn’t help but smile,
Out of mischief you would wriggle.

You made us laugh, made us cry.
We fought for you to have the best.
For thirty years we tried so hard,
Then it was time to lay you to rest.

Remembering you this Christmas Day.
With an empty chair, a tin of soup.
We raise our glasses, say your name.
Wishing you were with the family group.

Merry Christmas my darling.
Love you forevermore.
Missing you every day.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Remembering our Christmas Day, five years ago in Disney World……..

Frankie Angel bear with his tomato soup

Thursday 24th December

“Have a lovely……….ermmm
May your Christmas be as good as it can be.”

“Are you looking forward to Christmas?”

“It’ll be different this year for you.”

“Doing anything nice for Christmas?”

“Try and enjoy as best as you can.”

Bumping into people laden down with Christmas shopping, last minute gifts to buy, or just out for a Christmas Eve walk, we are greeted with ‘normal’ festive cheer……..

Until the realisation hits.

Whoops……
Shouldn’t have said that.
Oh, that wasn’t very tactful.
Whoa, reign in the jollity a bit.

Some get halfway through a sentence, and retract, others turn their large smile into a sympathetic frown, others go all serious, stating the blindingly obvious, and some just apologise profusely.

Sometimes, the best greetings though, are those without words: just a gentle hug, or a squeeze of the hand or arm.
That conveys so very much.

Today has been difficult.
Visiting the cemetery today, we both cried, standing beside you.
But you know what? There was a robin redbreast watching us intently for a good long while, as he hopped about close by.

Coming to the end of our walk around the town, we went into the church to light candles for you. And we both sobbed, again.

We miss you so very much, this your first Christmas in heaven.

But you are here, aren’t you?
All around I do feel your presence.
And I believe you are safe within my heart.

“If I listen closely
I can hear the rustle
Of Angel wings…..
And I know you’re still with us.”.

Love you forever.
To the moon and back,
Around the stars and planets,
And beyond.
Missing you on Christmas Eve.

xxxxxxx

Our Christmas ornament for you 2015

Christmas eve. Five years ago. Cocoa Beach. Happy smiles.

Wednesday 23rd December

By now you’d be so excited,
With presents piled under the tree.
Your eyes, wide with wonderment.
Gifts for you, and some for me.

You loved the magic of Christmas.
Whether at home with all the family,
Or off with us, to foreign shores.
Sadly, now it’s all just a memory.

23rd December 2010 ~ Celebration, Florida ~ where it 'snows' every night.

Memories, memories, memories.
I miss you.
I miss you so much.
I miss you so much my darling son.
Our first Christmas without you.

Memories, memories, memories.
Christmas.
Christmas won’t be the same.
Christmas won’t be the same without you.
Our first Christmas without you.

Miss you.
Love you.
xxxx

Tuesday 22nd December

It’s pouring with rain again
This weather seems unrelentless.

That you’re not here with us
Is just completely senseless.

We would’ve left this all behind.
We should have flown away.

All of us, together again,
To sunnier shores, on holiday.

By now we would be in Orlando,
Exploring all the theme parks.

Or down in the Florida Keys;
We’ve seen manatees and sharks.

Rollercoasters or beaches.
Warm sunshine, and family fun.

We’ve had so many good times
With you, our darling son.

You are always in my heart.
Missing you like crazy.

Love you so very much,
My son, my child, my baby.

xxxxxx

Florida Keys. December 2006

In front of Cinderella's castle. Disney. December 2010

Marathon. December 2008

Monday 21st December

Someone left a gift for you,
Placed gently on your graveside.
A little heart and a flying dove,
With a white ribbon it was tied.

“In our hearts forever”, it read.
As that is where you are.
And up above in the sky at night,
You twinkling, shining star.

‘Frank’ was written, with a kiss,
Because it’s just for you.
Bought with lots and lots of love,
But left with sadness, too.

I found out later who it was,
The giver of the token.
My sister had been to visit you,
She stood, words unspoken.

You meant so much to all of us,
We’ll never, ever forget you.
Our first Christmas without you,
It’s heaven, we’ll look up to.

Love you sweetheart.
Missing you so much.

xxxxxx

Sunday 20th December

By now you would be very excited,
With all the events, so delighted.
You knew many carols to be recited,
As a family together, all reunited.

So, how I wish that you were here,
Sharing in the festive cheer.
Missing you so much, my dear,
As down my cheek, falls a tear.

But this year it is just not to be.
Where once was four, now are three.
I know you’re up there flying free,
I really wish you were here with me.

Love you my precious son.
Now you’ll be forever young.
xxxxxx

A happy penguin for you

Father Christmas too

Saturday 19th December

I was beginning to get worried that I wouldn’t see you today.
Dad drove past about eight thirty this morning.
I tried three times this afternoon.
Each time the gates were padlocked.
What on earth was going on?

I made phone calls, sent emails, complaint forms filled out.

The cemetery seemed impenetrable.

The last Saturday before Christmas, surely there would be many people wishing to visit loved ones, placing Christmas wreaths and the like.

But the last time we tried, when it was almost dusk, miraculously someone had come along and swung the gates open wide.

Thank goodness.

I don’t think I could go a day without visiting you, or having our little chat together.

I brought you some sleigh bells, that your Auntie had found, and another little horse.

I miss you sweetie pie, I really do.
It’s just not the same at all.

But, I was so pleased, and relieved that we finally were able to see you.

So, Goodnight my Angel.
Have a happy, sweet dream.

Love you so much.
xxxxx

Almost dark, night night my darling xxx

Wednesday 16th December

“I’ll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces.
All day through
I’ll find you.
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I’ll be looking at the moon,
But I’ll be seeing you.”

(These lyrics were written in 1938 by Irving Kahal, with music by Sammy Fain.)
………………

How I wish I could see you.
I wish you were right here.
Chatting, smiling, laughing.

But I will look at the moon,
I’ll look up to the morning sun,
And somehow, there you’ll be.

(I think you would have liked
This Billie Holiday version.
“I’ll be seeing you”.)

Right now I’m missing you.
I feel so lost without you here.
So many memories, all around.

I will smile when reminded of you.
You left such a huge impression
On our lives and in our hearts.

So yes, I will be seeing you,
In all the places we used to go.
Smiling, as my heart embraces you.

Blowing kisses to heaven.
As I do every night.
Love you forever.

xxxxx