Thursday 5th May

What a sight Dad and I made today; I think you would have had a wry smile, a chuckle even, and then you would have told us off for being disrespectful to our surroundings.

You see, it was a hot and sunny day, and we decided to clear your resting place of all the stones and rock, generally tidy it up in readiness for your headstone.
It’s been sixty weeks since you fell asleep and gained your Angel wings.

So there we were, garden fork and spade, trowels, buckets, watering can, compost and grass seed.
Dad said if anyone had come along to ask us what we were doing, he was going to tell them we were digging you up to take on holiday with us.
Oh dear. Oh dearie, dearie me.
But you’ve got to laugh, haven’t you?
Yes, it must have looked odd, two people setting to, with spades and forks, digging over a grave. But there were so many stones, that we had to have a proper clean up.

Yes, the cemetery groundsmen do keep the whole place tidy, but because we had covered your space with flowers, animals and windcatchers, and had kept it neat ourselves, they left us to do our own thing. They were very considerate and understanding towards us.

Normally the groundsmen would turf over at an appropriate time, as this is a lawned cemetery, but because of all your ‘decorations’, that was not possible.

Today, we took things into our own hands.
Having removed bucketloads of stones, we levelled out, spread new compost, sprinkled grass seed and watered thoroughly. Only then did we replace the flowers and other ornaments, and I must admit, it certainly looked much more fitting. I hope you think so too.
Sorry if we made too much noise.
Now we wait for the grass to grow.

Sleep tight sweetheart.
Precious Angel son.
Love you forever.
Missing you so much.

xxxxxxx

Wednesday 4th May

The permanence
Of your passing
Hurts.

The understanding
That you’re not here
Hurts.

Acknowledging
You’re not coming back
Hurts.

The acquiescence
Of no more pain
Comforting.

The admittance
Of no more suffering
Heartening.

The recollection
Of beautiful memories
Priceless.

I love you so much.
I miss you more than words can say.
Fly high, shine bright my sweet Angel.

xxxxxxx

Dad and I went out to watch the sunset tonight. Thought of you so much

Great colours this evening

Tuesday 3rd May

Smile for me, my darling, sweet Angel
Shining like the brightest diamond.
Twinkling as vividly as you are able
When I look up to the dark night sky.

As we walk in our slumber of dreams
Holding hands and laughing gently
The moon sends down glowing beams
That light our way to true happiness.

Closing my eyes, listening to my heart
I sense the beating, yours and mine
And now I know we’ll never be apart
You’re safe, my beloved starlight boy.

xxxxxxx

Smile for me my Angel

The beach this afternoon

High tide in the harbour

Bright green leaves against an azure blue sky

Monday 2nd May

This made me smile today.
A sweet and innocent drawing.
Yet conveying so much love.
A great big, beaming grin.
Outstretched arms open wide.
And I immediately thought of you.

I love you this much
Right up to the moon and back
Beyond the stars
And round the planets.
I love you more each and every day
But I miss you so much too.
Dearest darling Angel son.

xxxxxxx

More and more leaves beginning to show

Sunday 1st May

May day mizzle
Mist and drizzle.
Cool and grey
Bank holiday.

You really wouldn’t have liked this weather at all, wandering around the town in the rain. So we probably would have gone away for the bank holiday weekend.

I wonder where we would have gone?
Somewhere to keep you occupied and happy.
Perhaps shops to browse or a pool to swim,
Or a cinema to watch the latest film.

I do miss going away for weekends with you.
You liked to choose the hotel, and the restaurants where we would eat dinner.
You would go down to breakfast on your own, and then probably have a second breakfast with us when we were ready.

Missing you so very much.
Love you more each day.
Dearest Angel son.

xxxxxxx

A grey, grey day ~ so different from yesterday

Tulips and raindrops

Misty and damp

Narcissus and raindrops

Saturday 30th April

When I came across this poem, by Mrs. Lyman Hancock it really made me think of you.
I sighed.
I smiled.
A tear fell.
Remembering.
All your cheeky naughtiness.
Your thoughtful caring and love.

When I’m Gone

by Mrs. Lyman Hancock 

“When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smile.

Forget unkind words I have spoken
Remember some good I have done
Forget that I ever had heartache
And remember I’ve had loads of fun.

Forget that I’ve stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way
Remember I have fought some hard battles
And won, ere the close of the day.

Then forget to grieve for my going
I would not have you sad for a day
But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay.

And come in the shade of evening
When the sun paints the sky in the west
Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best.”

I’ll try to remember every single thing about you, for as long as I can.
I love you more each day.
I miss you so very much.
Sweetheart Angel son.

xxxxxxx

Sailing boats in the bay. Sunbathers on the pier

The harbour at low tide

Your flowers today

Cherry blossom close to you

Friday 29th April

Sometimes I really miss the things you did that made me smile.

I miss your impersonation of Beyoncé and wiggling to “Single Ladies”. You’d come into the room, ear plugs in, only wearing underwear, (you didn’t like the feel of clothing on your skin), holding your tablet, tuned into YouTube, and you’d be shaking your booty.
I wish I could see that now.

I miss going to bed at night, and unexpectedly finding two or three books shoved down the bedclothes, just in case I wanted a read in the middle of the night ~ it could have been Thomas the Tank, Star Trek or the Bible, depending on your mood.
I wish I could get into bed tonight and feel those books beneath the sheets.

I miss the little gifts you used to buy me from car boot sales: shiny jewellery, school books, dresses too big, shoes too small.
I wish you’d find something for me now.

I miss your voice saying “Good morning” or “Good night” or “What are we doing today?” You liked your routine, and needed the days mapped out for you.
I miss your laugh and giggles when something amused you.
I wish I could hear your voice now.

I miss your uncanny knack of being able to judge the passing of time, without being able to tell the time. When we’d go out, we would tell you to be in a certain place, (usually somewhere for food or a drink), and there you’d be, in exactly an hour, or two hours time. You’d wander off window shopping, or walking around a theme park, and without fail, you’d appear, bang on time.
I wish you’d turn up now.

I miss your amusing take on foreign languages, pretending you could speak fluently. You’d be the shouting Jamaican granny, waving her handbag around, (copying a strange lady we had come across in Tobago). Or you’d be the Scotsman commenting on the weather, full of “Och aye the noo”. Another day you’d be a little old Chinese lady, chasing her children around, or a Japanese samurai, practising martial arts, on us. Then you’d be a German, and every answer would be “Nein” or we would be “Schweinhund”, and you’d laugh at the literal translation of ‘pig dog’.
I wish I could hear your silly voices now.

I miss when you used to dress up and act like a drama queen. Sometimes you would put my clothes on, or try out my high heels. You looked ridiculous, but you really made us laugh. At school, you loved drama, and were in quite a few plays, dressing up as a genie, or as a master of ceremonies. Such fun you had.
I wish you’d come clip clopping into the lounge right now, wearing a pair of my shoes.

Your smiles, your laughs, your giggles, your cheekiness…….

I miss everything about you.
I wish you were here right now.
Love you so very much.
Darling Angel son.

xxxxxxx

You at Primary School, dressed up as one of the three musketeers

You and a fabulous feather boa

As master of ceremonies at a drama presentation

Taking charge of proceedings

Messing about whilst out to dinner: "You must stop talking so much!"

The beach this afternoon

Love you forever darling boy

Thursday 28th April

No one knows what life will bring
So love and laugh, live life to the full.
Who knows what’s around the corner
Who knows if there’s a tomorrow?

Miss you so much.
Love you forever.
Beloved Angel son.

xxxxxxx

A cold and empty beach this afternoon

The silver birch, close to you, beginning to show spring leaves

Your flowers today

Clouds, blue sky, a plane and trees, all close to you, this morning

Tuesday 26th April

I love you, I miss you
That’s all I want to say.
You left this earth too soon
Thinking of you every day.

I love you, I miss you
Some days it hurts so much.
Remembering holding hands
The gentle feel of your touch.

I love you, I miss you
Helping you to cross the road.
Keeping you close always
As you walked with head bowed.

I love you, I miss you
My precious little sweetheart.
You meant so much to everyone
And I can’t help but fall apart.

I love you, I miss you
And that will never cease.
I know there is no more pain
And you are now at peace.

xxxxxxx