Month twenty one results

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Monday 14th September

It’s always there, in the background, trying to push forwards, poking at my subconscious, wanting an audience, asking to be heard.
I do try so very hard to not let it rule my thoughts though.
Scanxiety.
The anxious and tedious wait for my CT scan results.

Two weeks ago I had a scan as part of my participation in a clinical trial for the adjuvant treatment of stage three malignant melanoma.
I’m taking part in the Combi-Ad research by GSK, trialing two drugs called trametinib and dabrafenib.

You see, I had a malignant mole on my foot (the Alien Blob), that spread its cancerous cells into my lymphatic system, so I then had to have all the nodes at the top of my leg removed. Not pleasant.

And this evening, and for the next two and a half months, I can breathe a huge sigh of relief.
No Evidence of Disease.
I’m NED.
My trials nurse rang to give me the news this evening.
See you at the end of November for the next round of tests.

I should be relieved.
But I’m thinking of you.
I should feel happy.
But I’m missing you.

Why?
If only?
What if?

I love you so very much.
Sweetheart.
Son.
xxxxx

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16 responses »

  1. Congrats on not having any Cancer. I was cancer free for over 10 years til this month. I really think they got it since it was so small. The chemo should know it out if it didn’t.
    Melanie sending hugs. I understand while you are glad there isn’t any cancer you are sad because all you really want is your son home with you. Healthy.
    Gentle hugs. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi alienblob,

    I used to be participant of combi-ad trial as well (The Netherlands). Unfortunately I needed to quit since there was relapse. By the way I was a placebo patient in this trial. I am enlisted in my second trial and until now NED as well.

    I recognize scanxiety as well and I think every cancer patient will do.

    Keep up the good work!
    Kind regards,
    Koen

    Liked by 2 people

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