Category Archives: brain tumour

Dec18

Holding it together

Posted on December 18, 2015 by MeRaw

Friday 18th December

I’m just about holding it together,
But the mask I wear is growing thin.
I knew it was going to be difficult.
This Christmas for families and kin.

It will be our first one without you.
I just wish I could fast-forward
To a time beyond the holidays,
And not feel quite so awkward.

I don’t want to spoil it for others.
I’ll try hard to join in and smile.
But please excuse me if I leave
Just to think about you for a while.

I’ll look sadly at that empty chair,
Then look up to the stars at night.
For that’s where I shall find you,
A twinkling Angel shining bright.

Missing you so much my darling.
It’s hard to believe you’re not here.
When all around us, everywhere,
Is full of the joys of festive cheer.

Love you.
xxxxxx

Dec17

Someone Special

Posted on December 17, 2015 by MeRaw

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Thursday 17th December

“You are missed each
and every day,
for you were
Someone Special
who meant more than
words can say.”

To us you were
Someone special.
Yes, you were
Truly exceptional.

Different from some,
A real character.
You meant everything,
Our family together.

Fun and games,
Pulling funny faces,
Lots of adventures,
Visiting new places.

But sadly no more .
Forty weeks tonight,
On Angel wings
You took flight.

Love you so much.
Will miss you forever.
Dearest Angel,
Forget you, never.

xxxxx

On the ferry, from Fort Fisher, NC to Southport, SC……
Friday 11th August, 2006…….

Funny face with Dad

Funny face with Mum

My very own Harley. Broadway at the Beach, Myrtle Beach, SC

Where's the chauffeur for my Hummer?

A new tree for you today

Love you xxxxx

Dec16

I’ll be seeing you

Posted on December 16, 2015 by MeRaw

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Wednesday 16th December

“I’ll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces.
All day through
I’ll find you.
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I’ll be looking at the moon,
But I’ll be seeing you.”

(These lyrics were written in 1938 by Irving Kahal, with music by Sammy Fain.)
………………

How I wish I could see you.
I wish you were right here.
Chatting, smiling, laughing.

But I will look at the moon,
I’ll look up to the morning sun,
And somehow, there you’ll be.

(I think you would have liked
This Billie Holiday version.
“I’ll be seeing you”.)

Right now I’m missing you.
I feel so lost without you here.
So many memories, all around.

I will smile when reminded of you.
You left such a huge impression
On our lives and in our hearts.

So yes, I will be seeing you,
In all the places we used to go.
Smiling, as my heart embraces you.

Blowing kisses to heaven.
As I do every night.
Love you forever.

xxxxx

Dec15

You think you have time………

Posted on December 15, 2015 by MeRaw

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Tuesday 15th December

“The trouble is,
you think you
have time.”
~ Buddha

Never in a million years did we think
We’d be facing Christmas without you.
You were just there, always, and forever.

And yes, we thought we had it all.
All the time in the world, together.
To keep on keeping on, as a family.

“The trouble is, you think you have time”
The unmentionable never happens.
To you. To us. To our lives.

And when something comes along,
Like an out-of-control juggernaut,
Your plans are wiped out in an instant.

Hopes and dreams just disappear.
All that is left are the memories.
And memories mean everything now.

Here you are with the Laughing Buddha
Along with Dad and your brother.
Singapore, 1992, Haw Par Villa.

Haw Par Villa, or Tiger Balm Gardens, Singapore

Such simple, carefree, happy times.
Would that Buddha was smiling on you,
And had spared you from all the pain.

We wish we had more time with you.
We wish we didn’t have to let go.
We wish you were with us still.

Love you sweetie.
Beloved Angel son.
Now in heaven.
My precious one.

xxxxxxx

Dec14

Heaven calls for you

Posted on December 14, 2015 by MeRaw

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Monday 14th December

“For the hardest thing
I’ve ever had to face,
Heaven calls for you
Before it calls for me.
When you get there
Save me a place.
A place where I
Can share your smile.
And I can hold you
For more than just a while.”

I came across these words today, and I thought of you.
I wish heaven hadn’t called for you, before it did me.
It is just not the correct order of things in this life.
A parent should not outlive their child or children.

I think of you, each and every day.
I blow kisses to heaven for you.
I love you to the moon and back,
Around the stars and planets, too.

My sweet Angel child.
My precious baby.
My darling son.
xxxxx

Dec13

Just saying your name

Posted on December 13, 2015 by MeRaw

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Sunday 13th December

“Just saying your name”

Frank.
Frankie.
Frankie Dude.
Frankie Doodles.
Frazz.
Frazzle.
Frazzmo.

Sometimes just saying your name
Brings tears to my eyes.
Sometimes just hearing your name:
I stop. I’m paralysed.
But I need to hear your name.
I know I always will.
But I need to speak your name.
You are with me, still.

Love you forever,
Beloved son.
Always in my heart,
Forever young.
Moon and back,
Dearest one.

xxxxx

Frankie Angel for the tree

Dec12

Nine months an Angel

Posted on December 12, 2015 by MeRaw

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Saturday 12th December

December the twelfth.
Well here we are,
Nine long months,
A twinkling star.

This time last year,
Treatment had begun.
None knew the pain,
That was to come.

Your growing cancer
Was unrelenting.
Aggressive and silent,
So overwhelming.

Blood transfusion,
Chemotherapy,
High dose steroids,
Pumped intravenously.

Tired all the time,
No appetite.
Hair falling out,
Poor little mite.

We held you close,
At your bedside.
Positive thinking.
We really tried.

Your fragile body,
Put up a great fight.
But in the end,
Angel wings took flight.

I miss you now,
As I did then.
My heart is broken.
Tears fall again.

Love you so much,
Sweet Angel son.
Til I see you again,
Forever young.

xxxxxx

A reindeer for you xxxx

Missing you every day xxxx

Dec11

Smiling down

Posted on December 11, 2015 by MeRaw

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Friday 11th December

“I know you’re in
Heaven smiling down”

I think that’s what is keeping me together at the moment.
Knowing you’re in heaven.
You always said you wanted to go to heaven, and not the other place.
You made it, I’m sure.
And you’re smiling.

Aboard Rum Raisin, Bermuda, 1994

And here you are smiling down on me, on the prow of my father’s yacht: a cheeky grin, and a big wave for the camera. (I’m not sure your brother was as enthusiastic though, looking slightly uncertain there). I was cast adrift in the tender to take some photographs as you all sailed majestically past.

It was the first ever time we, as a family, had gone to stay with him, on board. Our first yachting holiday to Bermuda, the start of so many fun adventures.

We didn’t really know what to expect, we took far too much luggage, including snorkels, flippers, lilos, beach umbrella, sun tent, ice box……. It’s a miracle the boat stayed afloat with all the extra weight of us four and our belongings.

Rum Raisin cutting through the waves

Rum Raisin truly was a great yacht, with its black hull and red sails; a veritable pirate ship.

You did have a lot of fun on that holiday, even though you left the drinking water tap running all day on our first sail out of The Cut. Never mind, we found a marina later that afternoon, and filled up with fresh water. I thought my father would be very cross, but he accepted it as one of those things. Children, eh?

Rum Raisin from the clifftop

When not sailing, we visited the beautiful Crystal Caves, the busy Swizzle Inn, Horseshoe Bay and Elbow Beach, as well as the capital, Hamilton and the Royal Naval Dockyard.

We spent an amazing three weeks cruising on the azure blue sea, dodging a passing hurricane, sailing past the spectacular QE2, watching a round-the-island speedboat race, and you boys behaving yourselves with your grandfather.

Such superb, seafaring memories.

Fly free, My Angel.
My Love, fly high.
It’s ‘see you later’,
It’s not, ‘goodbye’.

Love you forever.
Beloved Angel son.
xxxxxxx

Dec10

Missing my Angel

Posted on December 10, 2015 by MeRaw

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Thursday 10th December

A festive wreath for your resting place,
Tinsel and baubles tied with love.
Santa Claus and a red robin too.
Are you smiling down from up above?

Standing beside you as it gently rains,
We wish we had your hand to touch.
Then we could so quietly whisper,
That we love and miss you very much.

Jingle bells around your wooden cross,
Gently tinkling as the wind does blow.
My heart is broken, tears are falling.
Why was it the time for you to go?

I’m missing you, my sweet Angel,
Missing you each hour of every day.
Your laugh, smile, and naughtiness,
I love you more than words can say.

It’s Thursday.
I remember.
I miss you.
I love you.

xxxxx

Dec9

The memory of a life well spent

Posted on December 9, 2015 by MeRaw

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Wednesday 9th December

“The life given us by nature is short,
but the memory of a life well spent
is eternal.” Cicero

A life well spent?
Of that I’m sure.
Around the world
On one big tour.

Fun and laughter,
A terrific education.
New experiences
Whilst on vacation.

Happy families
Traveling together.
Making memories
In sunny weather.

Here you are with Kenneth the Pan Man, at Cascreole Restaurant in Castara, Tobago in 2002. We had anchored my dad’s yacht out in the bay, and come ashore in the dingy to find somewhere for lunch.

As we were sitting on the rooftop of this restaurant a man sets up his steel drums and plays for us, then offers to teach you how to play ‘Twinkle, twinkle little star’. How honoured did you feel? You felt so good at being able to have a go on the steel drums, and as I remember, you were pretty good at it too.

Having finished our lunch, we spent time on the beach, snorkelling, swimming and making sandcastles. Such lush, tropical surroundings, crystal clear seas, with the coconut palms growing on the beach, leaning over the waves. Paradise.

Dreams and memories of happy times.

Blowing kisses to heaven.
Love you forever.
Sweet Angel son.
xxxxxx