Thursday 18th June
Thursday. Fourteen weeks ago today. And I still remember everything as if it were yesterday.
Our grief feels so intense, so overwhelming and to us, right now, permanent.
We not only lost our son, but over the years he became our best friend too, our companion.
He was the focus of our lives, with immense emotional investment, and now what is left?
Now we are left with just utter futility and desolation.
All the chemotherapy treatment he had to go through, to be told it was doing its job, everything would turn out fine. It seems so empty now.
Everything we put into bringing up our son, now seems to have been for nothing.
Our daily, weekly, yearly routine has been changed forever.
We have lost future adventures and future hopes.
This is a most devastating loss, the saddest thing we’ve ever had to deal with.
We feel an incredible sense of numbness, the reality of his passing is hitting us hard.
We need a return to a sense of purpose, even though living the rest of our lives without our son seems unthinkable right now.
We just have to learn to cope, a little more, day by day.
We need to take time out. It is difficult for our brain to work when our heart is broken.
Life will not be the same again, it will be different. But it will go on.
And we have to take the memories with us, celebrate the thirty years that we had with our son.
We will continue to think about him every day, visit his grave, and talk with him.
We loved him dearly, and will continue to do so for the rest of our lives.
Night night lovely boy xxxx