Saturday 23rd April
Blue skies
An Angel flies.
Sun rise
Some stifled cries.
Big sighs
Tears fall from eyes.
Love you forever and always.
Missing you every single day.
Beloved Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Blue skies in the harbour this afternoon
Low tide
Pink tulips from your auntie
Love you sweetheart
Some photos from our trip to Portugal and Spain.
Friday 22nd April
After a long, long day, we’re safely home. Having awoken at 5:30am, showered, breakfasted, checked out, we walked to the airport terminal, only to realise some twenty minutes later that it was the wrong terminal. Ho hum.
So we find a bus that takes us to where we should be.
And join the queue to the baggage drop, and following that the queue to passport control, and then the queue to the departure gate, until finally we are safely boarded.
A short, smooth flight up the Bay of Biscay, across the North West corner of France, over the Channel Islands, and we’re back in Bristol in a little over two hours after leaving Lisbon.
Before we actually reach home, we drive in to see you.
This is the longest time we’ve been apart from you, and looking after your flowers at your resting place; but my sister, your auntie, has been to see you whilst we’ve been away.
Standing there, in the cool evening drizzle it seems as though nothing has changed, everything’s the same, you’re not here with us, your life ended too soon: we’ve been off on holiday, and you didn’t come with us.
Nothing’s changed.
Everything’s as it was.
Everything’s the same.
But everything has changed.
Nothing is as it was.
Our lives are not the same.
And tears fall.
This is not right.
Life is not fair.
I suppose the emotion of visiting your grave for the first time in fifteen days really affected us more than we thought it would.
We love you.
We miss you so much.
To the moon and back.
Sweet Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Thursday 21st April
Today we say goodbye to our younger son and his girlfriend. Having spent fifteen days in Spain with them both, we went off to Lisbon by coach, ready to fly tomorrow.
Before leaving, we stopped in Elvas, a frontier, fortress town, built within twelve-point star-shaped walls. We walked up and down narrow cobbled streets, peering into shop windows selling embroidered linens, silk flowers, and even cockatiels and lovebirds. Nearly all the buildings are whitewashed, with yellow ochre accents.
A coffee and pastry at a pavement cafe, time spent people watching and listening to the local sounds, made for a very pleasant morning.
The coach journey, (the first one we have made, since I don’t know when), was very comfortable. We drove through rolling countryside, covered with vineyards, olive groves, cork trees with stripped trunks, leaving a deep iron-oxide, rich brown colour, and fields of cows and sheep. The land is certainly well utilised.
The hotel, The Lisboa Tryp is excellent, and a short walk tomorrow morning to departures.
So there we are, the end of our non-sunny, Spanish sojourn.
You would have enjoyed this break, I’m sure. You loved travelling to anywhere new, taking in different cultures, language and food.
I miss you so much not being with us.
It’s just so very different.
Sweet dreams sweetheart.
Travel far and wide.
Love you forever.
My Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Arched entrance to the fortified town of Elvas
One of the many churches
Ancient doorway
Steep cobbled street
The main shopping street
Cappuccino at a pavement cafe
Beautiful cobbled walkways with ironwork balconies above
Entrance into the town, for pedestrians and vehicles
Part of the towns' walls
Wednesday 20th April
The rain in Spain……..
Falls mainly in Badajoz!
Well, so it seems to be.
We keep being told that this weather pattern is just so unusual, that normally the skies are cloudless, with temperatures into the eighties.
Oh well, never mind, and all that…..
We have enjoyed our fifteen day break with our younger son and his girlfriend, and there have been some sunny days, not least his birthday last Sunday.
But all good things must come to an end, and we are off to Lisbon tomorrow lunchtime, for a flight back to England on Friday morning.
It would have been better though, to have had some warmer weather……. all those shorts, t-shirts, swimming costumes have remained in our suitcase. Oh, c’est la vie! or as they say it here….. ¡así es la vida!
You would forever be telling us: “Oh, you need rain to survive, the ground needs the rain for plants to grow, animals need need rain to drink, stop moaning!”
💧 ☔ 💦 💧 ☔ 💦 💧 ☔ 💦 💧 ☔ 💦
So, it’s ok to cry, the clouds do it too.
Raindrops play a beautiful lullaby boo.
In the rain, no one sees your tears.
Raindrops sparkle as the sun appears.
Let the rain wash away the pain.
It may be grey, but it can’t forever rain.
Love you my sweetheart.
Dearest Angel son.
Missing you every day.
xxxxxxx
Rosebud and raindrops
Silk rose on the dining table
Tonight's sky
Tuesday 19th April
A walk in the rain,
Smile through the pain.
The wind on my face,
Thoughts are someplace.
Your photo is with me,
Such a happy memory.
A piece of me, missing,
Time spent reminiscing.
An ache in my heart,
Our family torn apart.
Three of us carrying on,
Each other to rely upon.
Dad and I, your brother too,
Holding on, pulling through.
Loving you, my Angel son,
Now to be, forever young.
xxxxxxx
Morning coffee, watching a gaggle of geese in the rain
Alburquerque castle walls in the mist
An ancient archway
The view should have been spectacular
Monday 18th April
I miss you more
With each passing day
Rather than missing you less.
The sad silence
Began the moment your
Little heart stopped beating.
I’ll never again
Experience life and living
In the same way as I did before.
And there are times
When I just cannot believe
That you are gone; the finality hurts.
Memories I have
Are precious and numerous
I wish you were here to make more.
My love for you
Continues now and always
To the moon and back and all the world.
My darling son
Now an Angel in heaven
Forever young; safe in my heart.
xxxxxxx
Badajoz cathedral
Sitting beneath orange trees, having an afternoon coffee
Narrow streets with pavement restaurants
Sunday 17th April
Today we celebrated your brother’s twenty ninth birthday.
I accompanied his girlfriend and sister this morning and went to church; the whole service was in Spanish, but it felt like a good thing to do.
We then drove to a karting circuit, where your brother, his girlfriend, her sister and brother spent a great time, racing one another round the tracks.
From lunchtime until early evening, a bbq had been arranged; the weather was beautiful, the food plentiful, the company wonderful. I just wish you had been there in person, my darling.
Missing you every single day.
Love you forever.
Precious Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Frankie Angel Bear and your brother
Saturday 16th April
The footprints may be washed away
The sand is all brushed off
Salty shoes are cleaned once more
As water splashes from crest to trough.
I miss those walks along the beach
Yellow sand and azure sky
Such happy times we used to have
Thinking of you, with a tear in my eye.
But the wind still blows your name
Across the sparkling sea
And waves break gently on the shore
Bringing your memories back to me.
April 2014. Porthkidney Sands
Love you so very much
My precious little beach boy
Dearest darling Angel son
Who filled our lives with joy.
xxxxxxx
The sky this evening
A fiery plume
Friday 15th April
Another day on the long road of grief,
No end in sight, just twists and turns.
Uneven pot-holes to trip you up,
Steep hills that tire and sap energy.
Four hundred days without you,
And such a very long time it’s been.
So many happy memories to treasure,
But nothing is as good as the real thing.
Love you to the moon and back,
My beloved, precious Angel son.
xxxxxxx
Tonight's sky
Thursday 14th April
A butterfly came to visit today.
Was it you?
We were talking about you.
Remembering this day
Six years ago.
Zorbing on Plymouth Hoe.
Laughing, smiling, having fun.
Your brother took us to a bar today,
Outside, on the pavement.
Tables, chairs, parasols.
A butterfly landed on my hand.
It stayed on my finger for ages.
Was that you my sweetie?
I’d love to think it was you.
Small and delicate, so calm.
Holding on, being with us.
Sharing lunch and chatter.
A butterfly.
Mi mariposa.
My sweet Angel.
xxxxxxx
In the children's play park, 14.4.2010
The tiny butterfly that stayed on my finger for a long time
The Journey of My Left Foot (whilst remembering my son) 