Wednesday 28th October

Every day, and night, I do speak to you, in a thousand silent ways.

I acknowledge a sound, a smell, music, a book, a cloud, a flower, a moment in time, a face in a crowd, a bird, a butterfly, or that black cat in the cemetery.

So many incidences that bring you to mind, and I say your name.
I speak to you silently.
All the time.

And I do talk to you out loud too.
I ask how you are, what you’re doing, which aeroplane you’ve caught today, what theme park you’re visiting.

And I tell you I love you.
That I’m missing you so very much.
I say those words so many times to you.

“I closed my eyes
and spoke to you
in a thousand
silent ways.”

I wish I could hear your voice in return.

Fly high
My dearest
Angel son.
xxxxx

Your Auntie's sunflowers are still growing strong.

This particular sunflower seemed to have a mind of it's own. Almost playful in the way it bobbed about. As if it were smiling.

Your flowers today.

High tide in the harbour tonight. I wonder what you would have made of it.

The seawater was all over the road.

Monday 21st September

We are now on the third crop of sunflowers from your packet of seeds. Although not growing atop such massively sturdy stems as the first ones, today’s batch were still beautiful.

We are going to dry out those we took away today, and see if they will produce their own new seeds. I don’t know if the bumble bees have pollinated them enough. Or if that is actually what they are supposed to do.

Anyway we took four new sunflowers to you, this afternoon, and replaced all the other flowers. Carnations and gladioli seem to last a good long while, as long as they are given sufficient water.

Just as I had finished with your display, a small brown fritillary butterfly alighted on a stone near to me.
Were you passing by to check up on me?
Were you looking at your new sunflowers today?

We miss you my darling.
We love you so very much.
Blowing butterfly kisses to Heaven.
Precious Angel son xxxx

Sunday 20th September

“We miss you more than anyone knows
As time goes by the emptiness grows.

We laugh. We talk. We play our part.
But behind our smiles are broken hearts.”

As soon as we step outside of the front door, a mask comes down over our faces. We are now different people from those which we portray in private.

Keeping emotions and feelings in check is hard. We don’t want to ‘break down’ in public, or be seen to be weak.

We do try and talk about you with smiles on our faces, but inside, beneath that mask, we are falling to bits.
Grief certainly is the price we pay for love.

Quite often, when we visit your graveside, that is when the tears fall, when no one else is around, where all is quite and peaceful. There, we can talk to you, ask you questions, remember and reminisce.

In our garden, watching your sunflowers grow is another place where we talk to you, wishing you could see those “tallest sunflowers in the world”. Tears flow here too, knowing that these flowers came from the seed packet you bought four days before you gained your Angel wings. I smile at the flowers, but inside my heart really is breaking. You should be standing next to me, looking up at the row of plants.

Our lives have changed so much.
We had thirty amazing years with you, and now it all seems massively empty.

We miss you sweetheart.
Remembering all the good times.
And there were so, so many.
We love you forever.
xxxx

One of your sunflowers

Still growing, oh so tall