Results and Therapy



Thursday 16th July

Preparing to go out this morning I am interrupted by a phone call from my dermatology nurse. She has the results of the lesion excision on my arm, two weeks ago. And the offending alien blob is called a dysplastic naevus. Sounds quite weird, like a synthetic cloud formation. But no, it’s an unusual, benign mole, that looks like melanoma, and you can’t tell if it’s dangerous or not, until it’s sent to the pathology lab. Therefore it must be surgically removed.

So, I’m left with a small scar, and a bit of an indent in my upper arm, but a huge sense of relief, dispelling the anxiety I’ve had for the last fortnight. Melanoma does that to you, the knowledge that it could come back, one day, sneakily, when you’re not expecting it. So, vigilance is the key, combined with regular check-ups. And maybe a few precautionary scars along the way.

This afternoon was #4 of my Cognitive Behaviour Therapy course. The topics covered today were Panic Attacks and Sleep Problems. Woo hoo.

Although I have never had a panic attack, I can relate to some of the typical actions and physical symptoms: foot tapping, sighing, palpitations, sweating, nausea, hot flushes, choking sensations, faintness, upset stomach.

Much of this could be the result of the imbalance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in my body, due to poor breathing and stress. Time to sort out the deep relaxation techniques and diaphragmatic breathing, methinks.

I do, however, have a problem getting to sleep, and then staying asleep. To much to think about, worry about, stress about. I’m restless, tossing, turning, clock watching, can’t switch off. And then I get cross because I cannot fall asleep, and that just makes it worse.

I do try some deep breathing techniques, drink decaffeinated tea, try to walk a reasonable amount every day, no big meals before bedtime, no phone or television in the bedroom, blackout curtains, window slightly open, and sleeping pills.

But the elusive good night’s sleep is eluding me at the moment. My thoughts always return to my son. He is everywhere around me and within me. It’s Thursday again, so it’s eighteen weeks, or one hundred and twenty six days since he gained his angel wings. And we still cry at his graveside.

Thinking of you.
Missing you.
Loving you always.
Forever young.
Darling child xx



10 responses »

  1. Congrats on the good news!! That is a beautiful flower arrangement you have 🙂 We just visited our son at the cemetery yesterday and I feel so much better. I have always wanted to put out some potted flowers by his site but I get nervous someone will toss them. We have had things stolen/thrown away before so I am cautious as to what I put out. For now I stick to fake flowers and a couple treasures by his stone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind words.
      We go to visit our son’s graveside daily. We have tended the flowers, in vases, pots and growing in the ground. I feel lucky that the cemetery is a peaceful and safe place to be. Many have ornaments, memorials, flowers, both real and artificial, and other personal treasures.
      I’m sorry to hear you have had items taken or trashed, that is such thoughtless and mindless behaviour.
      Thinking of you.
      Take care x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You have a lot going on. Melanoma is scary. My sister has had it removed from her back in a few different places.

    I am having a tough time falling asleep lately myself. Two nights ago I finally did at 5:30 in the morning. Needless to say that day was a rough one

    Liked by 1 person

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