Monthly Archives: February 2016

What I had

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Friday 19th February

Holding on
To who I was
And what
I had.

Reliving days
And memories.
Being reminded
By sights and sounds.

Little things
That have
Meaning
Attached.

Emotions
Rekindled.

Sadness within
Brought to
The surface.

Random thoughts
Hit
Head on.

A sharp
Intake
Of breath.

Reaching out
To hold on
In case
Balance
Fails.

A wobble
Slight stumble.

Mask falls
Barriers drop.

Tears well up.
Feelings
Of utter
Desolation.

Grief compounded.
Absence becomes
Overwhelming.

Foundering
Between
Before
And
After.

Love you forever.
Precious Angel son.
xxxxxxx

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Raindrops on your red roses today

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Love surrounds

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Thursday 18th February

I wake up sad
My cheeky lad.

No voices heard
No, not a word.

Another Thursday
Filling with dismay.

It’s nearly here
One lonely year.

Forty nine weeks
Tears down cheeks.

My heart aches
With pain it breaks.

Sadness abounds
But love surrounds.

Your spirit flies
Across the skies.

Love you baby
Miss you like crazy.

xxxxxxx

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How well you bounce

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Wednesday 17th February

“Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb but how well you bounce.”               Tigger

In January 1992 we had a fabulous holiday to Forster, on the north coast of New South Wales, Australia. Staying in a holiday park, we spent days on the beach, swimming in the ocean, walking along the lake shores, visiting the fun fair, and having a go at fishing.

You, your brother and Dad had bought little fishing rods, and spent a morning baiting, casting and trying to catch ‘Jaws’. I can’t remember any fish being caught, but your brother did hook an octopus, and brought it to shore. Dad didn’t know what to do with it; the octopus was quite a large specimen. A number of onlookers became rather excited, and a bidding war began, between a couple of men, one of whom owned a restaurant.
I think your brother enjoyed his fishing that morning, being able to walk away a few dollars to the good, probably spending some in the afternoon at the fun fair.

At our holiday accommodation, you both made friends with other children on vacation, and had fun on the tennis courts, and the trampoline. You very much enjoyed getting rid of excess energy, bouncing away with your brother.

Such a happy, carefree time.
Are you up there, bouncing on the fluffy, white clouds? I bet they are great for jumping on, across, and through. I can just imagine your big grin, with arms and legs flying wildly in all directions.

Love you so much my darling.
Missing you always.
My bouncing little Tigger.

xxxxxxx

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Forster, NSW, January 1992

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Angry Bird

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Tuesday 16th February

You’re my little Angry Bird
Pretending to stomp your feet
You weren’t really that cross
Mostly quite loving and sweet.

You knew you were different
And that caused some frustration
You found it hard to join in
With poor social communication.

But we did everything we could
To make sure you were accepted
Filling your life with adventures
And ensuring you were protected.

Always seeking the best for you
Forever thinking one step ahead
Trying to avoid any pitfalls
Keeping you close by instead.

Organising everything for you
To keep your routine familiar
Maintaining life on an even keel
So nothing was too dissimilar.

Showing you so much love
Holding you tight, always
You meant everything to us
Happily filling all our days.

And now we miss you massively
The world seems so much emptier
A new life we must confront
Hearts beating that much heavier.

Love you my sweet Angel.

xxxxxxxxx

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July 2012, Costco, Myrtle Beach, SC. Messing around with a beach towel

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So lost without you

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Monday 15th February

Thirty years a close-knit family
You, younger brother, dad and I
That you had special needs
Meant upon us, you did rely.

Thirty years of having fun
Planning trips and holidays
With your happiness in mind
Occupied in so many ways.

Thirty years of taking care
A fierce love of high intensity
We thought it would continue
We would keep on, endlessly.

Thirty years ended so abruptly
Our joyful family existence
Wiped out, to be no more
Disappearing in the distance.

Thirty years of memories
From a family, now reduced
To a lost, adult couple
To a new life, introduced.

Thirty years of living with you.
Now we’re picking up the pieces
Not really knowing how to cope
Without you, sadness increases.

Thirty years. Before and after.
A happy family with you
Just another set of parents
Growing old, without you.

We did have fun though, didn’t we?
I’ll hold on to those memories
So many good times together
And I’ll keep on telling your stories.

Thirty years.
So lost
Without you.
So lost.

Missing you so much.
Love you sweetie.

xxxxxxx

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The colour of the sky this morning, over your resting place

Valentine’s Angel

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Sunday 14th February

I love you
We love you
Everyone loves you.

Just wish you were with us so we could tell you.
Wish we could wrap our arms around you.
Wish we could hold you tight.

Instead we’ll remember the good times.
Think about you constantly.
Feel you in my heart.
Look up to the sky.
Blow kisses to heaven.

I love you so much sweetheart.

My Valentine’s Angel.

xxxxxxx

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April 2010, Plymouth

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Darling boy

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Saturday 13th February

You filled my heart with joy
My darling little boy.

Key West and Legoland
Statues were close at hand.

Elderly people and grannies
You used to call old dearies.

Sweet and full of kindness
Filling you with gladness.

Recalling sweet memories
Fascination of old ladies.

Smiling at your innocence
Our love for you, so intense.

My darling little boy
You filled my heart with joy.

xxxxxxx

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Old granny statue at Key West. August 2013

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A Lego granny. Legoland, Florida, August 2014

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Everything changed

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Friday 12th February

In an instant everything changed;
And it was never the same again.

It’s eleven months today
Since you passed away
I wanted you to stay
And that’s all I’ll say.

Sweet Angel son

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A rainbow over the harbour this afternoon

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The next room is empty

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Thursday 11th February

The next room is empty
But filled with much memory.

It’s where you silently lay
Before they carried you away.

Your bedroom is unchanged
Your books neatly arranged.

Forty eight long weeks ago
All our tears began to flow.

That this could happen
Just unthinkable to imagine.

So near to the treatment ending
Unaware of the tragedy impending.

No one knew your life would end
Just so difficult to comprehend.

Your heart would beat no more
On Angel wings you did soar.

So now our hearts beat as one
Yours, within mine, darling son.

Love you, sweetheart
We are never apart.

xxxxxxx

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A watery rainbow over your resting place, this afternoon

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Thinking about you

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Wednesday 10th February

Thinking about you.
Missing you.
Loving you.

I’ll never stop doing all three
Not now, not ever.
You meant so much to me.

Today I’m thinking of you
Every waking moment
And that is nothing new.

How much we loved you
Will never, ever change
I just miss all you do.

Thinking about you.
Missing you.
Loving you.

Forever and ever.

Special Angel son.

xxxxxxx

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A bright but chilly harbour, today

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